Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

I like UFC alot but the Ultimate Fighter series has never really clicked with me, I've always found it a bit lifeless but early this week I caught an episode of Series Nine The US vs. The UK and I couldn't help but love it. That episode was insane fun, you had some cocky prick who would not shut up all week about how great he was gonna kill his opponent, against a quite cool and calm Englishman who in a good fight knocked his front four teeth out with the knee lift from HELL! I was hooked from then in and decided to give his show its due.

Episode One

You gotta love it when the show opens with UFC owner Daina White driving around Widnes of all places. Anyway they put over how great the UK scene is since Michael Bisping won the Ultimate Fighter, they obviously have never watched Cage Fighter then.

Anyway they have sixteen Brits who have to be narrowed down to eight. The first fight starts dull up against the cage when out of nowhere Gary Kelly gets knocked the fuck out, I'm mean out cold having to have an oxygen mask, it was just an insane knee lift from Andre Winner. Good fight, and yes there already using sub titles on the scousers.

Fight Two: Jeff Lawson from Bristol gets the big interviews but then so did Gary Kelly and he got knocked the fuck out. James Bryan is up next, its youth vs. experience, you gotta wonder why they bother having old people on this show, this guy could be amazing but does the UFC need a dude whose gonna retire within a year or two? Lawson gets a clever takedown and a front mount leading to some mat "action" and I use that term losely, not to sound unproffestional but they end up in a very gay 69. Lawson goes for an arm bar, this guy throws the worst punches but eventually gets the arm bar and Jeff Lawson is the winner.

The next fight I know the result of from the episode I saw on Bravo, its Che Mills vs. James Wilkes. Che promises a KO. Che lands some big jabs but knocking Wilkes over but Wilkes brilliantly while falling locks the leg and grabs a heel hock leading to a tap out in about thirty seconds. They say this was a big upset as Che was a favorite. I really rate Wilkes his guard is shit and he walks into jabs but his submission skills, wrestling and chin are first rate.

Martin Stapleton is up next he looks like a total tit, he's a manc so its probably inherant. His in the military and looks pretty hard. He's up against Dan James from Wales who doesn't look hard but he's never lost a fight. Stapleton rocks James with a hook before tackling him into the cage. James has a very good defence on the floor locking up Martin's hands and unloading from the floor. The referee distracts James allowing Martin to get his back and unload from a mount before applying the rear naked choke for the win. Stappleton progresses, good short fight.

A.J. Wenn is up next, he's sick of being in the UK, oh great don't alienate your fan base your anything. He's against Ross Pearson he said he'd take anyone a heavyweight or even Bisping. Wenn gets some leg kicks before being forced against the cage where they exchange some knees. Pearson then gets a very nice legsweep but Wenn immediately recovers. The judges think this could go three rounds. Wenn can't get a takedown but Pearson can and he gets a monster double leg takedown. Unfortunately Wenn gets up and they are suck against the cage. Pearson gets another trip but Wenn lands on his feet. Wenn takes three big knee strikes before being taken down but AJ makes it to his feet again this kid has spirit. Neither man can get the advantage and Daina points out they've been in the clinch the whole time. AJ gets a takedown and Pearson slips out he scrambles for another takedown and takes a monsters knee strike just after the bell. End Of Round One. Finally some proffesionals who can defend and last more than thirty seconds, really good stuff, alot of it was in the clinch but it was tactical and intriguing as both guys had answers for each other and constantly attempted takedowns.

Round Two: Wenn is still groggy as fuck he shouldn't be fighting. Pearson is cautious and Wenn throws a few kicks before Pearson explodes with two huge right hands and then reigns down blows until the ref calls a TKO. Pearson advances. Really good fight, both guys had skills, Pearson stands out as potentially being special but you gotta feel bad for Wenn he might of advanced against some of the other srubs.

Tommy Maguire is up next and he seems very cocky as does his opponent Nick Osipczak who is from South London. He mocks the other guy for being ginger. This fight is at welterweight. Both men are left handed and throw strikes before goging to the clinch. Tommy gets a takedown and throws hands before getting caught with a monster foot to the face. Nick escapes a front mount and they return to standing clinch. Tommy goes for a guillotine but Nick escapes and Tommy goes for a triange but Nick walks away to escape. Nick uses his reach and knocks the shit out of Tommy with rights and lefts before finishing him with a big knee strike in 4.08. Osipczak goes through. Great fight to watch but boy oh boy these two suck. Tommy was gassed after three minutes and Nick has no wrestle or submissions skills as far as I can see and for all the reach he has he lacks power and had to use the knee as the fists were never going to finish him. Can't see Nick going far, he looks like a fun character though.

Alex Reid is up next and he comes in shouting "Reidinator Baby" he has a record of 10-9-1 so I'm not expecting much, he total has that journeyman look. Reid says he's going to look into his opponents eyes and see into his soul. His opponent is Dean Amasinger who looks cool as fuck. They go to highlights of around one apparently Dean was the better standing up and inexplicable went for a takedown and nearly got a triangle. Round Two: Dean gets a monster takedown and Alex has him fully locked in a triangle choke but the dude despite the fact you could hear him choking escaped and got a front mount. Reid doesn't shut up throughout the whole fight. Reid talks through the whole fight. Third round Dean unloads with some clubbing rights and is in total control but for no reason goes to a takedown and gets triangled but escapes and the time runs out. Dean Amasinger wins. The highlights looked fun but seriously Dean is dumb as fuck, he dominates the stand up completely and keeps going for takedowns where in each round he gets locked in a triangle. Dean will require alot of work.

Next up its James Bateman vs. David Faulkner, Faulkner is another scouser and needs subtitles. Bisping says Faulkner has all the skills but is mentally weak. Dave goes for a takedown but gets tripped but both men scramble to counter. The judges predict this will be a good fight. It's in the clinch with Dave trying takedowns and James throwing knees. James is looking for the huge knees but Dave gets a huge takedown and works it into a heel hock for the win. David Faulkner advances. Both guys looked pretty good.

Diana White says he's impresse but of course he would say that. So team UK is:

David Faulkner
Dean Amasinger
Nick Osipczak
Ross Pearson
Martin Stapleton
Jeff Lawson
Andre Winner
James Wilkes

Episode One Thoughts: Really good start, the way their playing up the national rivalry makes this show kind of campy and fun. The fights were good this week nothing amazing but all solid and entertaining. What this first week really shows is the difference between skilled fighters and bums, some guys clearly have no business being fighters whatsoever. To make matters worse the guys who look good today with two or three execptions will look like bums next to the real pros. I just feel sorry for these guys putting there body through so much punishment when they really have no hope. Really good show, it'll be intriguing to see these guys develope, I really want to see Nick get the shit knocked out of him. (8/10)

Episode Two

We start by showing highlights of Henderson-Franklin, Henderson won so he's team UFC's coach. Dan Henderson is very good but he's not exactly a bucket of charisma. While Diana White is giving the pep talk one guy FAINTS!!! No shit Jason Peirce faints he falls asleep. Apparently this has happened before. Apparently last time the guy was nervous this guy is apparently fucked up from trying to make weight. The doctors then check out John David-Shackelford, the doctor says he has a herpes legion on his head and is contagous so he's gone. Another guy hasn't made weight. And as Diana White points out that Team US look like total shit.

Christian works out alot and takes off all his clothes but can't make weight. He can't sweat anymore they put him on a tred mill he passes out and crashes off the tred mill. Diana White can't fucking believe it, season nine and they can't make weight. Daina calls this the worst start to a season in history. Daina tells them how all the British guys were on the weight, ready and hungry. It looks like there going to get stand ins but its not exactly clear.

Fight One: Mark Miller vs. Kevin Knabjian, these guys are both training partners, Kevin doesn't look thrilled to fight his mate. This Kevin guy has the most messed up shoulder bones. Mark throws Jabs but there blocked easily. Kevin tries kicks but doesn't connect. You can see that these guys know each other well it seems pretty even. Mark gets a flurry and Kevin has to go for a takedown to break it up. Mark is throwing lots of punches but they are mostly being blocked or dodge. Kevin catches Mark with a right. Thirty seconds left and this resembles a boxing match lots of dancing and guard. Kevin tries a spinning back fist? I thought that was a wrestling move, Mark hits a decent right. End of Round One: Solid but unspectacular like a boxing match.

Round Two: We start with the same pattern except Kevin is way more aggresive taking Mark down with a big flurry of hooks, he then gets a heel hook when Mark falls to the floor but Mark avoids being submitted. Mark is throwing some big rights landing two. Mark rocks his oponent and unloads a brutal uppercut knocks him for a loop and that signals the end as Mark unloads with a merciless barrage until the referee stops it. Mark Miller advances. That was a really good fight, first round was a little tepid but second was great with both men nearly picking up the win.

Ritchie Whitson is up next and he looks the opposite of hard and he's up against Paul Bird who looks like a peadophile and sounds like he's clinically insane. Bird gets a quick takedown but loses back control and goes for a wrestling style sleeper but that gets blocked and he gets a german suplex style takedown. Whitson throws a combo but doesn't really connect, he then blocks a takedown and swings wildly. They then exchange wild swings. Whitson ends up in a front mount and unload before narrowly escaping a triangle choke. Whitson gets back control and unloads going for a sleeper and wins via submission. Ritchie Whitson advances. Another entertaining fight, judging by the first two fights the overall strenght of the US is much higher.

The next fight is Waylon Lowe vs. Santino De Franco, Santino is back for his second go he had to quit because of a brain anurism but thats been cured now and he gets a second shot. Daina makes fun of Waylon Lowe for having a girls tatoo the same one as Batista. Santino has height but looks nervous and gets taken down. Santino looks to have a good guard but gets caught with a big elbow. Lowe has Santino against the cage and Santino just covers up, this is gonna be a bloody long round. Lowe pounds away and they warn Santino to fight back he doesn't seem interested. Santino spent four minutes covered up taking a beating.

Round Two: Santino hits a massive knee strike out of nowhere and gets the back of Lowe and locks in a rear naked choke and gets the submission. Santino Defranco advances. That was remarkable the dude didn't do shit for the entire first round but that second round come back was insanely dramatic.

The next fight is Peirce vs. Berger, they do highlights, Peirce gets a big right hand but can't get the submission. Round two sucks, and so does the third acording to Daina and Jason Peirce is the winner. We go to Dollar vs. Hayden for more highlights Hayden kills him in round one and round two but Dollar escapes and gets the Rear Naked Choke and has him unconsious in seconds. Cameron Dollar advances.

Up next is Damarques Johnson vs. Ray Elbe, both these guys look pretty tough, Darmarques say its time to do the man dance. Elbe says he's had over thirty fights and he's been training in Thailand. Johnson gets some big punches to start but not enough to rock Elbe. These two are attempting lots of strikes which is nice to see. Johnson gets a passes guard into a front mount and hammers down blows but Elbe is protecting himself well. Johnson can't get through Elbe's guard and keeps using hands to the eye. Johnson seems to lack power but some brutal elbows strikes give him the advantage. Elbe turns to his back but Johnson misses the chance to get the submission and pounds the holy hell out of Elbe to get the win. Elbe is in cloud cuckoo land and has a nasty nasty cut. Darmarques Johnson advances. Fun fight very one sided.

It looks like the end of episode when Daina announces they've flied in to extra guys one who is the brother of a complete idiot June Browning. We get to see the last two fights in next weeks episode.

Team USA so far:

Cameron Dollar
Damarques Johson
Santino Defranco
Ritchie Whitson
Mark Miller
Jason Pierce

Overall Thoughts: Another great episode, this one seemed even better, the USA team seems way more skilled than the UK guys, on the whole. The drama at the start was great with the fainting, herpes and one guy not making weight, it was alot of fun. Good fights, good reality tv, good show. (8.5/10)

Episode Three

The fighters get to enter the house and it has cool spray painted walls with Team UK, Team US territory graphics on the wall, actually its pretty tacky but it adds to the atomsphere. One guy knocks back two shots the minute he gets in there. The UK guys enter the house second and everyone shakes hands. The Americans joke that they can't understand a word that the American's are saying. One deuche wants to get wasted, the english guys start playing football with basket balls.

Browning whose the brother of the imfamous dick starts throwing eggs at the people playing Basket ball and he's pissed allready, what a cunt. Browning fucks with one guys game of pool, Nick makes fun of Browning for being from Kentucky and dumb as fuck. This guy is such a prick, Browning pisses in two of the Team US's showers. Browning gets in one guys face. Browning smashes an egg on one guys chest. This Browning guy is such a twat he must be scripted. Rob Browning says in a cut away he doesn't like sitting around and being a nice guy. Everyone else has a house meeting about messing with food and sleep. They all put the pressure on Jason to beat the hell out of Rob Browning.

We go to Team US training session and Dan Henderson's advice is "just get together and pummel around". They decide to work on ground and pound and wrestling. Dan Henderson thinks UK is two years behind US and he says in the UK wrestling is non existant. Damarquez guy manages to say fuck about fifty times in one sentance. Michael Bisping comes in apparently he's had visa issues so couldn't make the US show last week. Bisping has no interest in talking to Team US. Damarques says he refuses to lose at anything accept soccer, he tells Bisping to shove his national pride up his arse, good team US are deuche bags.

We go to Team UKs trainging session, one guy whacks Bisping in the face in training so he's decided to say fuck to taking it lightly. Bisping promises that his training style will be mega intense. They then for a joke to the USA hands in thing which is a nice touch.

Back to the house and Browning promises if he wins his fight he's gonna get drunk. Rob Browning is making better friends with the UK guys, Browning doesn't know the difference between the English people and Australians. The English guys can't believe how dumb this guy is, they think he's just after his fifteen minutes of fame.



Rob Browning Massive Cunt (above).

Frank Lester vs. Kyle Reid

Round One: The girl holding the fight cards is hot but has no arse. They circle for the first thirty second before Reid gets a lightening hook and a takedown. They then spend the neck minute or so battling for position, this is the kind of fight that turns people off MMA. Reid is trying to work past his guard but isn't going anywhere. Frank tires to power up and gets caught in a choke he escapes and Reid goes immediately for a takedown but Frank blocks this one. Reid gets a huge takedown but gets locked in an arm bar Reid knocks himself out and as Dan Henderson points out he's very lucky his arm didn't break. Frank Lester advances.
Not a great fight at all but a very dramatic fight, I've never seen anything like that before, on the replay his head on collison with the floor was very nasty.

The other guys feel sorry for Kyle Reid, but Reid is pissed saying he didn't get beat he beat himself and refuses to shake hands. Reid is shell shocked and Frank Lester is acting like he's the greatest fighter in the history of humanity what was essentially a fluke win.

Rob Browning vs. Jason Dent

Round One: I'm torn, I want to see Browning get killed but he will make the show more entertaining if he stays on. Dent says he wants to mess up Browning's face, Dent specializes in submissions so maybe Brownings unintentional mind games have worked. Rob throws some sloppy looking swings he doesn't look very proffesional. Dent gets a leg kick but Browning responds with a blocked flurry and some kicks. Browning is much more aggresive and goes for a takedown but its blocked. Dent gets a leg kick. Dent misses some big kick attempts. Dent gets a pair of leg kicks. Dent goes for a another takedown but its blockes and Dent unloads with knees and clubs the hell out of Browning who covers up and crawls toward the cage. Dent is all over him but doesn't really have the power. Browning is just cowering against the cage until the referee calls for a stoppage. Jason Dent advances.
Not really impressive from Dent a proffesional job, the fight was okay.

Daina White congratulates everyone and then flips a coin to decide who gets to pick the first fight, USA win so they get to chose the first proper fight.

Overall Thoughts: Solid addition of the show, the reality TV half of the show was stronger in this episode with Browning being a total knob jockey. Unfortunately the fights were rather uninspired. All in all a good engrossing episode that lack top not action. (7/10)