Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

Legacy Open Raw: Randy Orton and Legacy only walk to the top of the ramp this time, thank god that cuts at least five minutes out of the show, although it still takes them an age to walk four paces. Orton mocks the crowd for having done nothing with their lives and living ricariously through Randy Orton and Legacy. Orton then goes on to talk about killing super Shane and they roll and overly dramatic video package, during which Legacy have walked to the ring. Orton tells the audience and Batista that the WWE revolves around Randy Orton. Orton informs us that Vickie has created a no contact ruling between Orton and Batista. Randy says just because they can't touch doesn't mean they can't talk and he tells Batista to come down for a little chat.

The crowd chant for Batista loudly before Randy can speak. Orton tells Batista he will never win the WWE championship, not this sunday not ever, the crowd then chant "You Suck", this is a red hot crowd. Orton says he has an offer for Batista, Orton offers Batista a place in legacy. Ted gets on the microphone and explains that getting kicked in the head isn't so bad, it was a wake up call to Ted and it turned his career around, and he says Batista should let go of his anger and do the right thing. Orton says that when they were in evolution they were unstoppable the only thing holding them back was Triple H but Randy got rid of that problem. They could be bigger than The four Horsemen, DX and Evolution. Randy Orton talks about Arn Anderson being Ric Flair's enforcer, he wants Batista to be his enforcer.

Batista says it seems like a great oppurtunity and everything Randy Orton makes perfect sense but there's just one problem....I don't like you....No, No, No....I despise you....No, No, No....I loathe you. I will never be your back up. I'm not here to help you I'm here to hurt you. Orton is mega pissed and says if there wasn't a no contact rule he'd drop Batista right now. Batista laughs and says he's tied of listening to Orton and Vickie. Batista says there's no way Vickie would call off Judgement Day's main Event so there's nothing stopping Batista destroying Orton tonight.

EXCUSE ME!!!! EXCUSE ME!!! Vickie appears on the ramp with man bitch Chavo to a huge around of boos. She's angry at Orton for calling her predictable. She's waving the no physical contact rule and she doesn't care if they tear each other apart, the crowd chant "you suck" so Vickie shrieks EXCUSE ME!!! To monster heel heat. Vickie doesn't care what condition they are in but that title match will take place this Sunday but in the mean time things are going to get interesting. Tonight we'll see Batista vs. Cody and Rhodes, if Orton wins its a three on one and if Batista wins its Orton and Batista in tonights main event. Vickie tells Orton to get out of the ring because the handicap match is right now.

That was an absolutely awesome opening segement. Orton is just absolutely superb he's so perfect at playing his role right now its unbelievable. Batista played his role well tonight too and Vickie remains the most over heel in all of wrestling. The crowd were red hot for everything and it was particularly rewarding to see them rewarding the fans who follow the product by logically bringing up not just Evolution and Arn Anderson but also Orton turning on Ted last year. It's this depth of subtly and consistancy that made this segment so refreshing. It makes watching the show worthwhile and rewarding and is far less frustrating than WWE's usual status quo where anything that happened more than three weeks ago is completely forgotten.

Will Batista crush the future the WWE in a single match: We come back from commercial and Batista is laying in the big shoulder blocks on Ted in the corner. Batista then hits a hard Irish whip but Ted comes back with a jaw breaker and Cody tags in. Cody runs straight into a hip toss and Batista scores with a hanging vertical suplex for a two count. Cody slips out of a powerslam and gets a chop block before tagging in Ted. Ted works over the leg with a series of stomps and elbows. Ted applies a leg scissors before tagging in Cody. The crowd comes to life tryign to inspire Batista, but Cody continues to stomp the hell out of Batista. Ted tags back in and works over Batista's leg on the apron to silence the crowd. Ted goes for a figure four but Batista kicks him off sending Ted crashing into Cody.

Batista no sells a stiff kick an elbosws both men before hitting some big closelines on Cody. Batista then gives Rhodes a back body drop and Big Boots Ted off the apron. Cody grabs a chair but Batista steals it and swings wildy the referee sees Batista swinging and he calls for a DQ.

A cheap finish is always frustrating but in this case it was the right call, they couldn't give away Batista-Orton on free TV, they couldn't dent Batista's momentum and they shouldn't have had Batista run over there two future main eventers, this was the only logical solution. (*1/2)

The Lovely Maryse speaks French: After some more French Maryse says if I wasn't Maryse, I'd want to be, I hope that's just a one off cocky comment not her catchphrase. Maryse is a really great heel, I just hope she can get better in the ring. This sets up Maryse & Jillian vs. Mickie & Kelly Kelly:

Kelly Kelly flips out of an arm wrench and gets an arm drag, Kelly back flips to avoid a closeline but botches a Mafia kick but makes up for it with a decent headscissors. Maryse distracts Kelly allowing Jillian to sneak attack and unload. Maryse tags in and they give Kell a double hairmare before Maryse slaps on the cocky camel clutch. The crowd come to life as Kelly tries to fight out but she can't quite make the tag. Kelly scores with an enzendropkick. Mickie gets the hot tags and gets two flying closelines and the Mickiecanranna and follows it up with the top rope Lou Thez press for a near fall. Kelly hits a flying cross body off the apron onto Jillian. Mickie holds onto the ropes to avoid the hair flick DDT and scores with the Mickie-T for the 1-2-3.

That has to be the best Divas match on Raw this year, really good effort, Kelly only botched one spot and they gave them a minute longer than usual. Maryse didn't botch anything this week but still needs to learn to take the Mickie-T properly. (*1/2)

Cody has been taken out: Orton is cutting a promo when Ted cuts him off and pulls him to the side to inform Randy that Cody has gone missing, well this is different.

Chavo is proud of Vickie: But he has another agenda, Chavo wants to talk about John Cena, he knows he's not medically cleared but he should be forced to compete, not in an official match but an exhibition match. Chavo says Cena has to prove he can compete until Vickie is satified. Vickie loves the idea and books Cena vs. The Miz tonight.

Jerry and Cole standing in the middle of the ring? This can't be good: Cole is talking about Judgement day, they basically run down the card like normal but from the middle of the ring for some reason. It looks like a strong card for Judgement day.

Randy finds Cody: Cody was just talking to someone backstage but when they split in search of Cody they lose track of Ted who gets attack by Batista, poor Ted. On an unrelated note we get a hype video saying that Kennedy is returning to Raw soon, lame.

Carlito vs. The Brian Kendrick:
This match went aproximately ninety seconds last week hopefull we'll get a bit more this week. Kendrick shoves Carlito and gets floored with a big right before being hit by a dropkick. Kendrick sneaks in a stiff kick and gives Carlito a double stomp to the back. Kendrick gets a running knee strike in the corner but Carlito responds with the knee lift, closeline and elbow drop combination. Carlito tries a springboard move but Kendrick drags him down hard and goes for The Kendrick but Carlito counters setting up the Back Stabber but Kendrick counters throwing Carlito shoulder first into the steel ring post and a roll up gets the 1-2-3. YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! Finally.

Post Match: Kendrick gets on the microphone and says ladies and gentle that was just step one, step two is finiding a partner, not just any partner "the" partner, and he promises when he does he'll become one part of The tag team Championssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss (yes he said it like that) before blowing kisses to the crowd, what a dude.

The match itself was of course ridiculously short but they manage to show off some good offence and athletecism and the finish was a nice twist but more importantly they are finally, finally doing some with my main man The Brian Kendrick, he's even good on the microphone, and he's unique as fuck, awesome. (*)

The Exhibition Match: Big Show comes to ringside seemingly to watch. Awesome the Miz has a microphone and talks on his way to the ring. Miz say being thrown through the spot light is nothing compared to what Miz is going to do to him tonight. Miz demands Cena look at him and begins to patronize Cena. Don't worry Cena this is just an exhibition this isn't twelve rounds people are actually gonna see this. I'm sorry to pick on your movie cause your rap album sucked too. Miz is calling this 3 and 0 because he's the Miz and he is awesome.

Cena gets a waist lock takedown on the Miz but he continues to stare down the Big Show, Cena then gets a headlock takedown and staresdown the Big Show allowing Miz to counter and hit a back suplex and he follows that with two snap suplex before getting in Cena's face and demanding that he looks at him. Miz then hits his corner closeline spot on Cena before mocking Cena some more and dropping a series fo knees to the back and chest. Miz gives Cena a big right hand but on the second attempt misses the corner closeline. Cena hits the flying shoulder tackles and the Proto Plex before scoring with the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Vickie appears on the big screen and say "Excuse Me, I've Cena-nough, its obvious you have no chance against the big Show", Miz then hits his basement DDT, shouts "3-0" at Cena and blows snot on Cena.

The Miz continues to be awesome, this wasn't really a proper match for of a quasi angle but there was still some good action and another impressive showing for the Miz. (*)

Randy Tells Cody to take Batista out: Cody goes on the hunt for Batista with a lead pipe he opens a door and Hornswaggle comes out screaming. Batista then attacks and throws Cody hard head first into a row of lockers.

The obligatory Silly Segment: We then go to footage of Chavo and Vickie when Santina burst in saying Excuse Me! Vickie wants to know if Santina called her Swine like last week. Santina says no that was Santino, this all ends up with Rosa kissing Santina and Santina saying she's a lesbina, then calling Vickie a swine and snorting before walking out and slapping Rosa on the arse, Cole does his horrible fake laugh. Insanely retarded but I did prefer this weeks silliness to the usual stuff.

More Silly shit: Santina vs. Beth is next and the crowd start a big "santina", I can't be arse to review this properly Beth military presses Santina into the ring in an impressivish spot. Santina screams when put in the abdominal stretch. Beth then puts Santina in the full nelson, Santina counters with an arse thump but Beth sweeps the legs and unloads. Santina suprises Beth with a roll up for the win. Poor Maryse, poor Mickie and especially poor Kelly Kelly. You can really see Kelly Kelly is really trying hard to learn how to wrestle and yet she plays second fiddle to this retardness.

Cena promises Victory: Cena is walking backstage when Josh Mathews stops by asking how he can possible beat Big Show. Cena says he's going through hard times, but everyone in America is going through hard times, but he looked at the arena tonight and it was sold out, we find was to adapt and overcome. Cena says he's going to adapt and overcome, and he will not just compete he will win against Big Show. Good to see Cena keeping to the serious stuff.

The V.I.P Lounge Debuts on Raw: MVP is vibing in the V.I.P lounge, big things are poppin and little things are stoppin'. MVP says talking of little thing William Regal wanted to get in his business. MVP over does it with the "cool" talk. Regal comes out and calls Regal disgusting, he said last year he was King of the Ring and General Managers. Regal says he's paid his dues and he's waited for his chance. Regal says all the draft picks have come over here to his show and tried to leap above him in the pecking order. MVP says he's Ballin' and Regal is boring, MVP says he's US champ and Regal cuts him off and says he perfectly represents the US he's aggrogant and he's despised by everyone else in the world. The crowd start a big "USA" chant as Regal removes his jacket.

Matt Hardy's music hits, Matt says since everyone else is bitching, its his turn, he complains about being forced to wrestle with a broken hand, he wants his loss last week to Kofi Kingston over turned. Matt says seeing as he's beaten MVP more than anyone else he deserve the first shot. Regal squares up to Matt when Kofi runs in and he beats the crap out of Matt Hardy. Chavo comes out and says Vickie orders that the ring be cleared right now for a tag team match. MVP kicks Regal out of the ring and poses on the leather couch.

MVP really overdid the rapper talk this week far to many catchphrase and far to little actual dialogue from him. That said Regal was very good, as was Matt Hardy. It's great to see with the over bearing Triple H off the show the under card is getting a chance to show what they can do.

Hardy & Regal vs. Kofi & MVP: We come back from commercial as MVP hits a greco roman throw and Kofi hits a flying crossbody. Kofi fakes a dive and takes Regal down before scoring with the Boom....Boom...Boom leg drop. Kofi tries his ten punch move on Regal but Matt hits him with the cast to break it up allowing Regal to get a near fall.

Matt hits a pair of body slams for a two. The crowd chant "Regal sucks", then the crowd chant for Kofi as Matt locks in an abdominal stretch. Regal hits a shoulder charge to the gut, the crowd then chant "Hardy Sucks". Regal hits a big T-Bone suplex for a two count. Matt tags back in and reapplies the abdominal stretch and the crowd come to life big time. Kofi gets a hip toss but Regal tags in works over the ribs of Kofi and applies a seated abdominal stretch. Kofi gets a sunset flip into a headsicssors and dives....

HOT TAG! MVP unloads with a huge flurry of rights and follows it with a facebuster and the ballin' elbow drop for a two count. Kofi gives Matt an enzenguri to the cast and goes for a plancha but Regal breaks it up tossing Kofi hard out of the ring in a unique spot. Matt runs to the back as MVP gives Regal the Drive by and the Play maker for the 1-2-3.

This match had some really awkward moments and you can tell it will take these guys a while to truly click together but this match showed alot of promise, with some good and unique offence. Regal was particularly good, and Matt was particularly underwhelming, all in all a good effort. (*3/4)

Orton Tries to Reason with Batista: Orton says this match makes no sense and Orton says he's going to leave the ring when Batista's music hits. So its game on, Orton goes straight for the RKO but Batista shoves him away and hits a hard closeline, Orton tries to runs away but Batista drags him back to ringside by his foot. Batista then hits two big spinebusters and grabs a steel chair. Batista then beats the holy hell out of Randy Orton with the steel chair smashing Orton again and again in the ankle with thes steel chair. Batista then gets the steel steps, he struggles and ends up kicking them over in a funny spot. Batista crushes Orton's ankle again with the steel chair and then chases away the referee and he lifts the steel steps but Cody runs in, Batista gives him the Batista bomb, Ted runs in but Batista fights off an RKO and the Million Dollar Legsweep and spears the shit out of Ted. Orton is crawling up the ramp and Batista throws the steel stairs up the ramp and Orton rolls out the way just in time, that was mega cool.

Overall Thoughts: Really great RAW, totally recovered from last weeks horrorshow. There was only the weak twenty minutes with all the stupid comedy. Everyone was ontop of their games tonight. I was a bit dubious about them giving away the Orton-Batista match but the way they played it made total sense, with Batista freed by Vickie to do whatever he wanted of course he'd try to kill Orton with the steel chair and steps prior to his world title match. My main criticism of the show is that they yet again made legacy look like a bunch of pussies. This would be fine against Batista as he's supposed to be an unstoppable monster but after two months of Triple H, and even longer of looking like Shane's bitches, they really need to be made to look strong and credible. RAW feels like a completely different show free from the greedy shadows of Triple H and Shane, its fresh, its exciting and there's room for the stars of the future to breathe at long last. This RAW just need one good lenght TV match to tip it over the edge. (8/10)