Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

The cage is still big red and ugly, and this match is still big stupid and ugly. Wild brawling to start, before everyone clears out the way so Sonjay can get a flying head scissors. Petey scores with a jaw breaker and a spinning heel kick. Devine shows his lack of offence with a high knee. If that was just two exciting, Eric Young hits some high octane closelines. The Guns get a double team dropkick on a crotched Young. The Guns then get the missile dropkick flatliner combo on the super heroes. Everyone gets corner moves in on Jimmy Rave except for Devine who misses. Curry Man gets the hip attack and Shark Boy hits like the seventh closeline in this match. We then get a triple suplex in the centre of the ring which the crowd seem to like. Val and Christy look very hot at ringside. Petey gets his patternted side russian legsweep, but he ends up in a tree of woe where the guns double team him. Curry man tries to climb the cell but Shelley goes up to meet him. They battle but Curry man gets a jaw breaker on the top rope, Sabin runs the ropes and gives Curry Man a enzenguri on top. Shark boy Russian Legsweeps Sabin off top. Young gives Devine a neckbreaker off top and Everyone is battling up top. Curry Man comes off top with the Tokyo Dangerous back breaker on Dutt but as soon as he hits it he's closelined down by Rave. Lethal gets a superanna on Rave and Shelley follows up with a frog splash. We then get all kinds of over selling of Eric Young closelines. Eric hits an impressive double death valley driver. However Young is then diamond cuttered off top by the Guns onto Jay Lethal. This is much better than last year. The Motor City Machine Guns pose before Petey fights back and causes the guns to closerline each other. In a nice spot Petey counters the Sliced Bread into the Canadian Destroyer to give the crowd what they want. Shark Boy gives both Sabin and Petey a double top rope stunner. Rave scores with the move that rocked the world. Devine runs in with the Devine Sensation and then a sick moonsault off the cage onto Lethal. Curry Man gives Devine the spice rack and then military presses Dutt insanely hard into the corner. These guys seem inspired tonight. Curry Man and Dutt make their ways to the hole in the cage. Dutt manages to pull him down. Dutt and Lethal brawl upsidedown in a nice spot and Lethal escapes.

Jim Cornette cuts a promo backstage saying nothing particularly interesting until Mick Foley arrives. Jim offers him his seat and they reminiss. Cornette talks about TNA's debut on HD, and he gives Foley his seat and tells him to chill. Cornette leaves and the beautiful people walk in and complain about the colour of the M & Ms they've been given. They then make fun of Foley's outfit. Borash makes a joke about how he'd rather be in Velvet, hahaha, god that was terrible.

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Angelina gets in ODB's face to start the match. ODB unloads with some big breast slaps, Love manages to escape the Fallaway slam with an eye poke and she tags in the lovely miss Sky. Rhino gets the tag and gives her an hip toss which Sky sells very well. Rhino goes for the gore but Kip breaks it up. Sky goes for a closeline on Rhino but he dodges and Kahn tags in. The crowd aren't happy they wanted to see some man on woman violence. Kip tags in and they both goes for chokes. Kip wins but Kahn applies the crotch claw, ugh. Love tags in and dodges a spin kick, this is bowling shoe ugly, even with Velvet Sky to look at. ODB tags in and gets a body slam and celebrates. Sky distracts the ref and Kip nails ODB with the make up kit but it only gets two. The beautiful people triple team ODB before love locks in a chinlock and plays to the crowd, big "ODB" chant, and ODB duly counters with a back suplex. Rhino and Kip tag in. Rhino gets a flyng shoulder tackle and a belly to belly suplex for two, before Love makes the save. Kip and Rhino trade blows, Kip hits an alvanche but Rhino sees the Fame-Asser coming and counters with the GORE!!! for the win.

Creed cuts a standard, Love it or leave it promo about the USA and gives a good acount of himself, albeit with a corny premise.

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Creed starts with a leaping closeline and then he goes straight for the front flip plancha overshooting but landing nicely on his feet. Creed then scores with a flying cross body for a near fall. Sheik regains his compusure with some chops but he is caught with a snapmare and a seated closeline for two by Creed. Bashir counters a slinghot move with a knee strike and then he shoots Creed off the apron into the guard rail. Bashir gets a single leg tackle and an elbow drop before locking in a waistlock. Creed fights out but runs straight into a kitchen sink for two. Both men trade chops then Creed runs the ropes and in a terrible looking spot misses a crossbody. Bashir senses the crowd are far to excited and applies a body scissors, but then switches to a chinlock because we were just too thrilled. Creed escape but runs right into a sleeper, Bashir is the prince of rest holds, Randy Orton is shaking in his boots somewhere. Creed of course fights out after the ref checks his arm, Creed floats over a suplex attempt and scores with a superkick. Both men are down, their slow to their feet before Creed explodes with closelines and a back body drop for a near fall. Creed then gets an impressive gorrilla gut buster but it only gets two. Sheik comes back with a jaw breaker but Creed fires right back with an enzenguri. Creed heads to the top rope but takes too much time and is caught with a Frankenstiener for two. Sheik counters a death valley driver with an eye rake and Bashir gets a roll up with the ropes for the win.

Foley is backstage with more terrible jokes, this time about the most overated match in history, Awesome Kong and Cheerleader Mellissa barges in witha truely dreadful middleastern accent attempt. The less said about this said the better.

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Roxxi and Wilde unload on Kong but she no sells. Kong tries a double whip but its counter into a nice momentum counter by Wilde and Roxxi. A double dropkick sends Kong to the outside. Wilde shows off some creative arm drags and then hits a very sloppy ranna. Kong returns to the ring and throws Wilde around. Wilde counters a chokeslam into a nice roll up for two. Roxxi tosses Wilde before being chopped down by Kong. Kong misses a blind charge and Roxxi unloads and scores with a swinging neckbreaker for two. Roxxi comes off top with the double knees for two. Roxxi applies the reverse abdominal stretch on Wilde but Kong big boots them both down. Kong then scores with a cross body on Roxxi for two and then follows up with the implant buster but Taylor makes the save. Kong kills Taylor with a closeline and heads up top. Wilde recovers and kicks Kong off top to the outside. Wilde runs right into a big boot from Roxxi for two. Wilde escapes the Cajun Buster and scores with a german suplex for an anticlimatic win.

AJ Styles is saying how great it is to see Mick Foley here. Team 3D walk in and ask when AJ is gonna kiss Foley. Foley breaks up the fight. Foley complains about Ray stealing his out fit. They argue for a bit for Cornette returns.

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Geez why Mongo? This match is ludicriously over gimmicked already and you add the king of all deuchebags to officiate, why?

A clumspy brawl starts preceedings. After the garbage clears out of the rings, LAX score with a double closeline then a catapult, closeline and back splash combo on James Storm. Roode tries to fight LAX off but is killed with massive shoulder block from Hernandez. Homicide then scores wtih the suicide cannonball on Beer Money and Hernandez follows up with a nice tope. Ray clobbers Hernandez to end any hopes of a wrestling match. Homicide kills Devon with a crutch, and then attacks with a fork, reminding us of his ROH days. Lots of terrible brawling around ringside as Homicide continues with the fork. Abyss is fed up with his crap and gives Homicide the shock treatment. Ray hits Abyss with a cheese grater "right in the nuts", thank you Don. Ray works over Abyss with the Cheese grater drawing huge blood. Wow, that might be cool if this were 1994! But its not, its not shocking and its definitely not entertaining. Ray gets the not so super superplex on Hernandezz but Roode breaks up tha pin, has the man no mercy. Beer Money get the enzenguri block buster combo for two, as Mongo gives a very slow count. Matt Morgan counters a suplex and double suplexes Beer Money. Morgan walks the ropes and scores with a flying cross body on Storm for two. Devon kills everyone with a crash can and hits the Saving Grace for two. Abyss goes for a choke slam but is distracted by a bag of tacks. Mongo takes the tacks away and Beer Money hit Abyss with a chair. GOD that was stupid. Oh it gets much worse, Beer Money challenges Mongo to a three point stance, this is so awful, I don't want to describe it, it ends up with Storm being closeliend for two. The crowd want tables, I just want this crap to end. Matt Morgan comes off top with a flying cross body to the outside. Team 3D beat Abyss with weapons and shoot a staple into into his skull, oohh, we've gone from 1994 to 1997. Team 3D randomly hit each other, and Abyss takes advantage. Devine comes from backstage and clobbers Abyss with a sinapore cane. He then fetches a table and we get about oh three minutes of staggering around setting up the table and lighting it on fire, so now if we step back in our Delorian and having gone to 1994, then to 1998 we know go back to 1996, oh joy, if this crap didn't suck enough dick back then, it sucks even more now, because not only is it still garbage its not even fresh garbage, its rotten stinking garbage, thank you TNA. Are there people at home who are still amazed by fire? Anyway Team 3D double choke slam Abyss off the stage through the flaming table.

Matt Morgan continues to no sell, does he ever? A super kick from Storm finally takes him down however Storms celebrations are cut short by a cane shot. In the ring Homicide hits a torpedo dropkick on both Storm and Roode. Homicide then gives Roode a DDT off the second rope. Hernandez catches Storm trying a flying cross body and turns it into a powerbomb for two. Hernandez then hits a reverse samoan drop for two. LAX then hits the super gringo cutter but Jackie jumps on Mongo and he spanks her out of the ring, ugh. Morgan kills Hernandez with the Carbon foot print. Morgan then kills Homicide and gives Hernandez a fallaway slam. However Hernandez responds with the border toss, selling, heard of it? No one? Okay must just be me. 3D hit the Wassup drop and its get the tables time. Mercifully Hernandez breaks it up with a slingshot double closeline. LAX set up a table but he can't undo the bag of tacks, god that just sums up this match. Team 3D scores with the 3D on Hernandez through the tack table and James Storm sneaks in ang gets the 1-2-3.

Well after coasting for the best part of the year will Booker T finally step up his game, or is he too broken down, or does he just not care? Questions loom over Cage here too, he's normally good with AJ but he also tends to phone it in.

AJ starts on fire beating the crap out of Book and scoring with a back breaker. Christian is just watching, AJ is distracted by this and Booker gets the side kick on AJ. Christian hand Shakes Book before giving him the diving reverse DDT. Cage and AJ exchange pins before AJ goes for a springboard move but Christian counters droping him on the top rope and is then smighted with a nice knee strike. Booker side kicks Christian out of the ring and AJ looks to do a springboard on Booker but instead moonsaults backwards onto Christian ina nice spot. AJ shoves the ref out the way but is clobbered by a breifcase ceurtesy of the Bookerman. Book runs into a book but he counters Christian's flying axe handle into a nice flapjack. Good start.

Book unloads with some knee strikes and then a spinning heel kick for two. Unfortunately Book opts for the rest hold to kill the momentum. Cage misses a closeline and Book scores with a leg lariat for two. Book goes to the mount and reigns down blows. Cage gets an inside craddle for two but Book continues to unload on Cage. Cage fires back with some chops of his own but nearly walks into a book end. Cage and Book botch a closeline spot and then go to a double closeline, lame portion here.

AJ comes flyign in with the springboard forearm on Booker. Short arm closeline from AJ, he follows up with a leaping corner closeline on Cage. AJ leap frogs Booker, then fakes a doprkick adn back flips over Cage and then delivers the mexican dropkick on Cage. Cage and AJ exchange impressive counters before AJ knocks Book off the apron and scores with the back flip inverted DDT for two. Book knocks down both men with a double closeline. Book deposits Cage to the outside with Side kick. Book misses the axe kick on Book and AJ locks in the MMA arm bar on Book. Cage breaks it up but AJ gets the kip up ranna to shake him off. AJ then walks straight into the Book End for two. Booker does a spineroonie but when he turns he's greated by a spinning back elbow off top by Cage. AJ flips out of Christian's suplex and gives Book the Pele in a beautiful spot. Christian then kills AJ with the impaler for a near fall. AJ front suplexes Cage off top and goes for the Spinal tap but Cage rolls out the way and AJ lands awkwardly on his leg. Book then hits the Axe Kick on both AJ and Cage simultaniously for two seperate near falls.

Cage spears AJ for two. Cage goes for a catapult but AJ lands on the second rope. Christian gives AJ the unprettier off the second rope, and Book comes of top with the Axe Kick on Christian for the win.

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Kurt and Jeff cuts some cringe inducingly bad taste promos prior to their match up.

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The crowd chant "Thank You Jeff" but that doesn't stop Kurt from getting a double leg takedown. Jeff wriggles to the ropes to avoid a possible arm bar. Well that was a well wrestled start but isn't this supposed to be an intense blood feud? Kurt takes Jeff down and paintbrushes the back of Jeff's head. Kurt continues his promise to kill Jeff Jarrett with a life threatening side headlock. Angle scores with a couple of shoulder blocks before getting a side headlock takedown. Jeff comes back with a nice arm drag and Jeff locks in a side headlock, he most really be made about those threats to his children. Jeff hits a shoulder tackle of his own and then a headlock takedown of his own. Angle fights up and scores with a back suplex but Jeff doesn't release the side headlock. Kurt forces a break in the corner and unloads on Jeff with a european uppercut. Jeff hits a nice dropkick on Angle before closelining Angle to the outside. Jeff follows up with a really nice plancha. Jeff whips Kurt into the guard rail and then misses an axe handle of the apron and crashes and burns. Decent Start.

Kurt works over Jeff in the ring, choking him on the ropes. Jeff comes back with an inverted atomic drop, enzenguri and then a rope rider. Jeff starts to strut but Kurt kills him with a closeline. Kurt then nails a back breaker for two before returning to the headlock. Jeff fights out after a little while and fights out. Jeff leapfrogs Kurt and gets a school boy for two. Kurt responses with another lovely closeline for two. Kurt gets a two count from a snap suplex before returning to the chinlock. The crowd have really come to life now. Jeff fights out but is cut off by and eye rake. Kurt lays some shoulders in the corner but misses with a blind charge and hits the ringpost. Jeff hits a DDT and both men are down. Good middle portion.

Slugfest, Jeff explodes with two closelines and then counters Angle's closeline attempt with a blue thunder bomb for two. Kurt replies with an overhead release belly to belly suplex for two. Jeff counters the Angle Slam into a DDT for a near fall. Jeff puts Kurt on the top rope and looks for the super plex but Kurt fights him and tries the belly to belly but Jeff block and eventually scores with the superplex for a near fall. Jarrett counters a kick with a leg trip and Jeff locks in the figure four. Jeff gets a couple of near falls out of the hold before Kurt makes the ropes. Kurt dodges a closeline and Kurt scores with the rolling German suplexes for a near fall. Jeff counters an Angle Slam attempt with a arm drag. Jeff goes for a pile drive but Kurt back body drops Jeff, Jeff counters that with a roll up but Kurt rolls through that into the ankle lock. Jeff tries to make the ropes but fails a few times before Jeff flips out. Kurt scores with the Angle Slam but it only gets a near fall! Kurt is frustrated and goes for the Moonsault but he takes too long and Jeff manages to avoid it. Jeff dodges a closeline and kills the referee. Jeff gets the arm wrench and two knees to the gut before nailing a stroke, great sell from Angle there. Foley rolls in to count the pinfall but it only gets two. Kurt low blows Jarrett and goes to get a chair, Mick tries to stop Kurt but takes a brutal chair shot for his troubles. Kurt kills Jeff with a chair for good measure. Kurt is about to get the three count but Foley recovers and pulls the referee out of the ring. Mick gets the sock and applies the mandible claw on Angle. Foley releases Kurt and Jeff kills Mick with the guitar for the 1-2-3.

This storyline as been booked abysmally and to the suprise of no one, except possible Vince Russo both men are met by ambivalence by the crowd. Sting gets a quiet mixed reaction, Joe gets a very queit negative reaction.

Both men unload on each other to start the match, Sting botches a back body drop spot and they have to try it twice. Eventually Sting is back dropped to the outside and Joe follows up with a nice suicide dive. Joe and Sting continue to brawl around the arena. Sting fights back midway through the crowd and they fight up and down the arena steps. They brawl through the crowd for seemingly an age. Joe dives from a luxury box with a torpedo dropkick, that was very well executed but ludicriously dangerous. It just about made up for five minutes of unimaginative brawling. Unfortunately this does not signal an end to the brawling through the crowd. Sting dives of a rail with a cross body into the midst of the crowd. Well at least their trying to be creative. Sting stands on a guard rail and poses with the crowd. Joe trips Sting crotching Sting hard, didn't look like he liked that, Joe then knocks Sting down with the Ole kick. Finally they return to ringside and Joe throws Sting over the guard rail hard. That was a decent brawl through the crowd brawl.

As they return to the ring we get a mix of boos and "Joe's gonna kill you" chant. Joe then scores with the corner elbow enzenguri combo. That draws big boos from the crowd. Well at least they've managed to get the crowd involved. Sting fights out of a muscle buster and comes of the top rope with a swinging DDT for two. Sting then follows up with a frog splash for two. Joe replies with the powerbomb for two which he of course turns into the STF, Sting crawls towards the ropes so Joe switches up to the Crossface. Joe flips off a fan and switches to the rings of Saturn. We then get a mild "lets go Sting" chant as the Stinger makes the ropes. Sting tries to fight back but runs straight into the snap powerslam for two. Sting returns fire with a stinger splash and a muscle buster but Joe no sells and pops up. Joe response with knife edge chops and then he scores with the Scorpian Death Drop. This time Sting pops up and no sells, and does the 1991 no sell. Sting fires back with two Stinger splashes. Sting goes for a third but its countered with an STJOE.

Joe floors Sting with a flurry of knee lifts and he asks Earl Hebner to count him. Sting manages to answer the count at eight. The crowd are now split and chanting a bit. Joe then kills Sting with some brutal kicks and again has Earl Hebner count Sting. Sting was struggling to answer the count and Joe mounts Sting and unloads. Hebner argues with Joe and Kevin Nash comes from the back. Well that was awkward. Joe scores with a nice DDT and again Hebner and Joe argue. Sting grabs the baseball bat while Joe argues with the ref and Nash takes the bat away, ooohh I wonder what's going to happen. Joe kills Sting with a closeline for a nearfall. Sting dodges a closeline, Hebner dives out the way of Joe, allowing Nash to massacre Joe with the Bat. Sting quickly hits a nice Scorpian Death Drop for the win.

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