Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

We start with a graphic running down the competitors and it looks pretty awful with a few notable exceptions. The crowd are absolutely deathening to start show. Bobby Heenan is banking on Flair to win the Rumble, smart guy.

Keato and Owen start the match. Owen grabs an arm wrench, Keato counters into one of his own but Owen flips and roll around into a hammerlock. Owen scores with an arm drag and drops a knee on the elbow Keato. They go to a test of Strengh Keato kicks Owen over and pins him for two but Owen begins to power and bridge up and leaps to the top rope and then does a backflip and scores with a hip toss. Owen then scores with a pop up ranna for two. Anvil tags in. Jim gives Kaeto a hard hip toss, Keato tries a hip toss of his own but gets powered across the ring hard. Tanaka tries to body slam Jim but gets shoved off hard, he then tries a shoulder block with the same result, he tries it another time and ends up on his arse. Owen in, and the New Foundation do a spinebuster second rope elbow drop combination. Owen scores with a backbreaker for two. Owen back flips over Tanaka and scores with a back body drop and follows up with an enzenguri. Owen whips Jim into the corner and he scores with a brutal shoulder charge. The Anvil kills both men with a double closeline. Jim scored with a noggin knocker and Owen scores with a top rope flying crossbody on both men for two. Owen then scores with a high leg lariat for two. Owen scores with a suplex for two and goes to remove Keato's mask but he scrambles to the outside. Owen grabs a side headlock, dodges a closeline but gets caught with a cheap shot by Tanaka and is then hit in the throat with Mr. Fuji's cane. Tanaka now locks Owen in a chinlock and scores with a throat thrust. Kaeto scores with a thrust kick and a flying back elbow for two. Tanka gives Owen a jaw jacker. Tanaka whips Owen chest first hard into the top turnbuckle. Owen charges Tanaka but is killed with a crescent kick. Keato comes in with a snapmare and a chinlock. Owen fights out, dodges three closelines and gets a crucifix for two. Tanaka tags in and scores with a double throat thrust and a thrust kick. Tanaka then drops a headbutt to the groin of Owen. Tanaka locks in a side chinlock. Owen fights out with a shoulderblock but gets nailed with a flying lariat. Tanaka introduces Owen Hart to the ringpost but Owen comes flying back with a bulldog. Owen makes the hot tag but the ref misses it. Keato whips Owen shoulder first through Mr. Fuji's cane ouch but it only gets two when Owen gets his foot on the ropes. Kaeto gives Owen a hammerlock body slam. Tanaka comes in with a diving headbutt to Owen's injured shoulder. Tanaka gets a shoulder block but runs into a beautiful side belly to belly suplex for two. The Express score with a double closeline for one. Kaeto applies an arm bar. Tanaka scores with a sloppy crescent kick. The Express score with the leapfrog senton for two. Owen dodges a double closeline and scores with a double dropkick. HOT TAG! The Anvil scores with the slingshot shoulderblock, and body slams both men, he gives Tanaka a back body drop and a closeline, Owen whips Jim into Keato, Jim whips Owen fast into a suicide dive onto Keato. The New Foundation then finish off Kaeto with the Rocket Launcher for the win.

Lord Alfred Hayes shows us Bret Hart losing the IC title at a house show. The Mountie and Piper then both cut promo about there up coming match.

Piper throws his kilt at the mountie and unloads on the mountie who can't escape. He bails but Roddy comes running after him and floors him with a brutal blow. The Mountie throws Jimmy into Piper to regain control. The Mountie tries a monkey flip but Piper scores with a fist drop to counter. Piper scores with a running bulldog and plays to the crowd. Hot opening. Mountie gets his foot on the rope on a pin so Piper jumps onto his leg. Piper gives the Mountie a comedy eye poke but Jimmy Hart grabs his leg. Piper goes for a dropkick but the Mountie hangs onto the ropes and Piper crashes and burns for two. Mountie gets a hammerlock and half nelson and gives Roddy five head pounds on the top turnbuckle. The Mountie scores with the flying reverse elbow for two. The Mountie tosses Piper but Roddy comes back with the sunset flip. Mountie tries to toss Piper but he hangs onto the ropes and bites the Mountie. Piper scores with an uppercut and a back body drop. Roddy scores with a gut punch and an atomic drop but the Mountie skins the cat. The Mountie tries the sneak attack but the Mountie misses and floors Jimmy Hart and Roddy locks in the sleep for the win. Post Match Roddy steals the Cattle Prod from Jimmy Hart and shocks the Mountie as the crowd goes nuts.

Hogan cuts a promo about the Rumble. The Bushwhackers and Jamison cut a terrible promo.

Someone in the crowd has a "Bushwhackers are cool" sign, I bet he regrets that now. We get terrible Bushwhacker comedy to start. The Bushwhackers double team Butch to start before the Whackers bit them, throw them into each other, give them a double shoulderblock and then dance around the ring. The Bevelrys won't lock up with Luke, "Boring" chant, I couldn't agree more. Luke asks the crowd whether he should shake the Bevelrys hand but it doesn't make because he's sneak attacked. This is so horrible, I want this to end now. Luke scores with a kitchen sink and a bulldog. The Bushwhackers whip the Beverlys into each other and trip them and then double closeline both of the brothers and dance around the ring. Make this end. The Beverlys both go underneath the ring to hide. They try a sneak attack but they get run off with the dance of doom. Butch runs both Beverlys off. Please end already. The Beverlys hang Butch on the top rope and drop a flying axe handle for one. The Beverlys throw Butch into the corner several times. This is total arse. One of the Beverlys score with a back breaker and a splash for two. The Beverlys do the leapfrog senton and drop a knee. Butch does a horrible back drop counter. God this is lame there's elbow being dropped and no one cares, who booked this to go so long, seriously the show started on fire. The crowd are beyond caring. One of the Beverlys scores with a horrible closeline. A cocky pin gets two, Butch gets a roll up for two. The Genius bitch slaps Jamison at ringside and that's easily the best action of the matc. In the ring Butch takes a hard Irish whip. Butch is then nailed with a second rope axe handle for two. One of the Beverlys scores with a nice neckbreaker and leg drop. Ugh end, why won't you end. Butch exploades with a closeline. HOT TAG! Luke unloads with awful offence. He scores with two closelines and uses the battering ram and a flying chop gets two. Luke gets tripped and an elbow drop gets two. FUCK END NOW PLEASE. The Beverlys get a top rope axe Handle for the win.

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Post Match the Bushwhackers clear the ring and after an eternity Jamison kicks the genius in the shin.

Okay time to get this show back on the road. Typhoon and Hawk start the match up. They lock up but its a draw. They do a shoulderblock but that's a draw too. Hawk does a jumping shoulderblock and that shake him and Hawk comes off top with a flying closeline and that take Typhoon down for two. Hawk gets in Earthquakes face and scores with a dropkick, Earthquake tries a dropkick and misses and Hawk scores with a fist drop. Animal tags in and both men unload and niether man sells. Animal dodges two closelines and then runs straight into a double closeline first. Animal tries a slam but Trenta falls on top for two. Earthquake whips Typhoon in for the Avalanche. He tries it again and eats boot, and Animal then runs Typhoon over with a closeline. Hawk comes off top with an axe handle they both closeline each other an no one goes down, Hawk tries a cross body but gets caught and Typhoon gives him a backbreaker. Typhoon scores with a hard Irish whip. Earthquake tags in and scores with a snapmare and a big elbow drop for two. Typhoon works over Hawk in the ropes and scores with a rope rider. Typhoon aplies the much dread Bearhug of certain Peril. Hawk fights out and tries a dive off the second rope but Typhoon catches him and tags in Earthquake. Earthquake scores with an avalanche and Earthquake walks back and forth on Hawk. Earthquake then puts Hawk in a bearhug and he's fading but of course recovers. Trenta takes him to the corner and misses an avalanche. Hawk scores with a second rope bionic elbow and Trent sells excellently. Animal runs through two closelines and scores with a flying shoulder block. Animal flips out of a double atomic drop attempt and scores with a double closeline. Hawk scores with a diving closeline to the outside. Earthquake body slams Animal on the outside. Typhoon runs back in the ring and wins by count out. Post match Animal kils both men with a steel chair.

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Jimmy Hart isn't happy backstage saying they should be champions. Trenta and Typhoon are pissed off and feel they should be champs. They say there getting there attorneys in.

Roddy is so friggin happy about winning the IC title he now has a dream that he's gonna win the

Rumble and the World Title.

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Shawn Micheals is looking cocky, and they show the Barber shop incedent. Shawn says he saved Marty Jannetty 29 beatings tonight. Shawn says he's the hottest thing in the WWE and that he's gonna win the gold.

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Alfred Hayes is with Ric Flair, he admits he's number three, he says he's gonna make everyone a believer because he will have beaten all 29 men and that's the bottom line.

We then go to the pre recorded interviews, Randy Savage, Sid Vicious, Repo Man, British Bulldog, Jake the Snake, Ric Flair, Paul Bearer & The Undertaker and of course Hulk Hogan. Jake and Flair are the best.

Entrant Number One is The British Bulldog. Entrant Number Two is Ted Dibiase. Well that's one hell of first two, and number three ain't bad either. They exchange blows. Davey runs into an elbow and Ted unloads with chops in the corner, Ted scores with a closeline and then a nice suplex. Ted scores with a nice gut wrench suplex. Ted then scores with another suplex and he said its over. Ted tosses Davey but he lands on the apron and closelines Ted over the top rope. Ted Dibiase is Eliminated. Entrant Number Three Is Ric Flair. Well that was a hot first two minutes, Gorrilla Moonson says Flair will not win. Flair takes his time removes the rope and the crowd have that big fight hushed atomsphere. Ric plays Slick Ric before getting shoved down hard. Ric then runs straight into a big military press. Davey runs him over with a big closeline. Davey then dodges a closeline and kills Ric with a closeline. Davey dumps Flair but he slides back under the bottom rope. Davey gives Flair a ten punch in the corner. Entrant Number Four is Jerry Saggs. Saggs holds Davey back for a knife edge chop and they lay the boots in, Ric scores with a chop and a slug and Wooohs. Davey Boy explodes out of the corner running both men over with a double closeline. Davey tosses Saggs he hangs on with one hand and show boats but Davey dropkicks him out. Jerry Saggs is Eliminated. Davey gives Ric a hard Irish whip and powerslam. Entrant Number Five is Haku. Haku holds Davey back for chops but then Haku unloads on Flair. Flair tries a Flair flurry but Haku no sells it and Flair runs under the bottom rope. Haku piledrives Davey and Flair sneaks in with an eye rake and knee drop. Davey tosses Hakun. Haku is Eliminated. Entrant Number Six is Shawn Micheals. Big boos for Shawn, Shawn unloads with a flurry on Flair and follows up with a hard Irish whip and scores with a back body drop and then a superkick, Shawn charges Davey and gets a military press for his troubles. Bulldog tries to closeline Micheals but he lands on the apron comes back in and supekicks Davey. Flair attacks Micheals but can't toss him. Davey whips Shawn into the turnbuckle chest first and then kicks him crotching him on the top rope. Ric tosses Shawn but again he lands on the apron. Entrant Number Seven is El Matador. Tito attacks Flair lamely. Flair scores with a back suplex on Tito and gives Davey a monster low blow. Flair nearly tosses Davey but Tito makes the save. Tito dodges a chop and Tito scores with the flying forearm. Entrant Number Eight is The Barbarian. Tito gives Ric a ten punch but Flair comes back with a big chop. Ric Flair brawls with Tito. Tito nearly back body drops Shawn over but Flair makes the save. Entrant Number Nine is Kerry Von Erich. Flair is waiting for him but Kerry completely unloads on him with discus punches in the corner drawing a silly Flair Flop. Kerry gives HBK a discus Punch drawing a monster sell. Davey catapults Shawn into the turnbuckle and Flair gives Kerry Von Erich a inverted atomic drop. Kerry again punches the crap out of Flair leading to a Flair Flop. Entrant Number Ten is The Repo Man. The Barbarian gives Tito an atomic drop. Repo Man attacks Shawn from behind. Tito dodges a closeline and scores with a flying crossbody on the Barbarian. Flair unloads with some big chops on Kerry. Entrant Number Eleven is Greg Valentine. Flair and Greg trade chops in the corner, guess whos are stronger. Greg wins despite this and continues to chop the crap out of Flair. Kerry punches Shawn and he goes flying nearly out. Entrant Number Twelve is Nickolai Volkoff. Volkoff unloads with a flurry on Barbarian but its getting no sold. Greg Valentine puts the figure four leglock on Ric Flair. The Repo Man back body drops Volkoff over the top rope. Nickolai Volkoff is Eliminated. Entrant Number Thirteen is The Big Bossman. Bossman goes straight for Flair but he starts dropping bombs on everyone. Repo man tosses Greg. Greg Valentine is Eliminated. Bossman gives Shawn an uppercut and he does an awesome sell for a near elimination. Bossman tosses Repo Man. The Repo Man is Eliminated. Davey Boy charges Flair and Flair back body drops him out and on the otherside of the ring Kerry is dumped. British Bulldog and Kerry Von Erich is Eliminated. The Bossman gives Barbarian an avalanche. Shawn and Tito jump into each other and go flying over the top rope. Shawn Micheals & El Matador are Eliminated. Big show socres with a big boot on Barbarian. Entrant Number Fourteen is Hercules. Flair runs into a military press from Barbarian, Barbarain tosses Flair but he hangs onto the bottom rope and Hercules tosses Barbarian, Bossman tosses Hercules and Flair tosses Bossman and celebrates but Bossman is still in the ring. Barbarian and Hercules are Eliminated. Bossman and Flair are alone and Flair begs off but scores with an eye poke. Bossman dodges a closeline and socres with a closeline of his own. Bossman scores with a haymaker. Bossman tries a crossbody but Flair drops low and Bossman bumps out of the ring in dramatic fashion and Flair flops.Big Bossman is Eliminated. Entrant Number Fifteen is Roddy Piper. Flair begs off but Piper dives in and unloads, hard Irish whip, back body drop, knee lift and Flair bails but Roddy meets him with a closeline on the outside. Flair tries a jaw jacker but Roddy no sells it. Roddy goes for a ten punch but Ric goes for an inverted atomic drop, Piper no sells it and gets an eye poke. Piper scores with a closeline an air plane spin and now the sleeper. This Rumble is awesome. Entrant Number Sixteen is Jake The Snake. Jake sits in the corner and tells Piper to continue but when Piper turns his back he attacks with a big jab flurry. "Roddy" chant. Jake helps Flair up only to give him a short arm closeline. Jake goes for the DDT but Piper breaks it up with a closeline and Ric applies the figure four. All three men are slugging and chopping it out this is brilliant! Entrant Number Seventeen is Jim Duggan. Duggan attacks Flair with a big flurry and a closeline. Duggan starts a big "USA" chant. Duggan starts teeing off on everyone. Duggan and Piper wildly brawl into the corner. Flair walks into an eye poke from Piper. Flair scores with a back suplex on Piper and Jake scores with a inverted atomic drop on Duggan. Chopfest between Piper and Flair. Entrant Number Eighteen is Irwin R. Shyster. IRS introduces Flair to the turnbuckle. Duggan grabs IRS by the tie and unloads, this is the first let up in th ematch in ages. Duggan gives Jake and Flair a noggin knocker and that leads to another Flair flop. Piper beats the tar out of Flair but still can't toss him. Entrant Number Nineteen is Jimmy Snuka. Snuka gives Flair a jumping headbutt and a double chop. Ric gives Flair and eyepoke. Piper is just landing bombs on Flair in the corner and he hooks Flair by the nose but they still can't get Flair over. Entrant Number Twenty is The Undertaker. Jimmy is dropping headbutts on Flair but Taker kills him with one uppercut. Jimmy Snuka is Eliminated. Taker buts the choke on Flair who sells it like a heart attack. Taker kicks a field goal between Duggan's legs and follows up with four uppercuts. Taker chokes IRS on the second rope and Piper and Flair work together on Taker but both get choked for there troubles. Entrant Number Twenty One is Randy Savage. Savage burns it to the ring and Jake runs away. Taker takes down Savage and Jake sneaks in. Jake tries the Short Arm closeline but Savaget runs through and kicks the shit out of him. Its Bombs Away from Savage and he tosses Jake. Jake The Snake is Eliminated. Taker goes outside but can't stop Savage from going after Jake. Randy jumped over the top rope but apparently he's not eliminated. Roddy is throwing a lightening flurry on Flair. Finally a chance to catch my breath. Roddy has IRS in the boston crab. Entrant Number Twenty Two is The Berserker. He's shouting Hoss he couldn't be more accurate. IRS is tosses but his foot is tangeled in the middle and top rope. Duggan gives the Berserker an atomic drop. Taker is choking Piper in the corner. Flair is on the apron and trying to suplex Savage out, but Savage counters and suplexes Flair into the ring. Piper, Flair and Taker all choke each other at the same time. Entrant Number Twenty Three is Virgil. Flair nearly tosses Piper. Taker slaps on a choke on Virgil. Flair rakes Taker's eyes and chops him but that just gets him a choking. The Berserker scores with a big boot on Virgil. Piper boots down Virgil. Entrant Number Twenty Four is Mustafa. Randy Savage charges and scores with an axe handle on Taker. Flair gives Piper a big chop. Virgil unloads with some pussie chops on Mustafa. Piper gives Flair a fifteen punch in the corner. Entrant Number Twenty Five is Rick Martel. Flair introduces him to the action with a chop. For the first time its Rumble stuff all round. Randy Savage manages to toss Mustafa and gets a choke for his troubles. Mustafa is Eliminated. Duggan is more interested in starting chants than wrestling. Undertaker gives Savage a choke lift. Entrant Number Twenty Six is Hulk Hogan. The crowd goes nuts. Hogan gives Flair and Taker a Noggin knocker, then IRS and Taker. Virgil knocks Rick Martel between the middle ropes. Hogan gives Taker a running closeline taking him out and he backdrops Berserker out and then rips the shirt. Undertaker and Berserker are Eliminated. Martel is thrown across the ring. Duggan and Virgil closeline each other out. Jim Duggan and Virgil are eliminated. Entrant Number Twenty Seven is Skinner. Skinner has a slugfest with Roddy. Hogan gives Skinner a hairmare. Roddy avoids elimination headscissoring Martel. Flair gives Hogan a hard Irish whip and Wooohs but Hogan explodes out of the corner with a closeline. Entrant Number Twenty Eight is Srg. Slaughter. Rick Martel dumps Skinner. Skinner is Eliminated. Hogan and Piper slug it out for old times trading eye rakes. Savage chokes IRS with Hogan's shirt. Its Rumble stuff all round as we reach a mini lull. Hogan gives Flair a back rake and unloads in the corner. Entrant Twenty Nine is Sid Justice. Sid kicks the crap out of IRS but can't toss him. Flair is trying to keep away from Hogan, IRS holds Hogan back and Flair unloads with a fast Flair flurry. Flairmare but Sid grabs Fliar before the knee drop and tries to toss Flair. Flair takes down Sid with an arm wrench but Sid kips up and closelines Flair down. Entrant Number Thirty is the Warlord. Flair goes up top and we get the areil cam of Hogan press slamming Flair off top. Flair rolls under ther bottom rope and drags Hogan out with him. Flair tries a suplex but Hogan blocks and suplex Flair on the outside. Sid gives Sarge a hard Irish whip and he does the mega belly flop Sarge bump over the top and out. Sarge is Eliminated. Hulk Hogan scores with a big boot on Flair. Roddy is nearly tossed by IRS but he hangs onto IRS tie and drags him to the outside. IRS is Eliminated. Hogan and Sid toss the Warlord. The Warlord is Eliminated. Hogan gives Flair a ten punch. Sid tosses Martel and Piper. Piper and Martel are Eliminated.

Savage and Sid are brawling but Ric runs in with a high knee and sends Savage over the top rope. Randy Savage is Eliminated. Hogan and Flair go into a chopfest and Hogan gives him a hard Irish whip Ric botches the Flair Flip, Hogan closelines Flair onto the apron, Sid sneaks up from behind Hogan and tosses him. Hulk Hogan is Eliminated. Sid and Hogan argue and Flair sneaks in from behind and tosses Sid. Sid Justice is Eliminated and Ric Flair is Your Royal Rumble Winner.

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Hogan and Sid have a staredown. Flair is given the World Title by Jack Tunney, he says with a tear in his eye he can say this is the happiest moment in his life. Flair said this is the biggest title in the world, the only one that matters, the one that proves your the best wrestler in the world. He tells us all to pay homage to the man.

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Overall Thoughts: Awesome show the openner was strong, the IC title match was a nice moment, the LOD match was passable and the Rumble was probably the best Rumble of all time. Only the god awful Bushwhackers tainted this show. Great stuff.