Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

We start with an American flag bizzarely and the national anthem. Then we go to the card run down the obvious thoughts are the Rumble line up itself looks weak, the rest of the card looks very strong Slaughter versus Warrior, The Rhodes brothers and the Rockers all filling it up so this could seriously be a strong show if the Rumble itself doesn't stink up the show.

Roddy Piper cuts a promo saying he loves the troop, this is going out on the sercivemans network.

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The express shove Jannety out of the the ring and then double team HBK with a double back body drop. Jannety comes in and makes the save with a dropkick and then the Rockers follow up with a double crecent kick and then a double team move that's kind of a flap jack into a body slam. Micheals and Jannetty then fly to the outside with double suicide dives. Big "USA" chant. Jannetty gets a sideheadlock his opponent tries a back suplex but Jannetty rolls through with the headlock takedown. They do a fast counter exchange, Keato scores with a hip toss but Marty counters the arm bar into a headscissors they then go to the bridge and back slide spot for two. Marty Jannetty then leapfrogs the Orient Express into each other. HBK comes in with a top rope axe handle. Shawn scores with a side suplex and locks in an armbar. HBK follows up with a shoulderblock but runs into an absolutely brutal flying lariat. They've got Shawn locked in a chinlock, the crowd comes to life and Shawn fights out, Shawn then runs the express into each other but they put the breaks on and Shawn gives them a noggin knocker, Shawn follows up with a high knee. Shawn then goes to a snap mare and a chinlock. Shawn slaps in a sleeper but while the referee is distracted and Kaeto comes off top with a flying axe handle. Shawn tries a kick but its countered by a beautiful leg sweep. Shawn suddenly explodes and unloads in the corner he gives Kabusi a ten punch in the corner but suddenly switches to a moonsault press and kills Kaeto who was trying a sneak attack. The Rockers try to whip the express into one another but they do a ring around the rosary counter and try and whip the Rockers into each oter but the Rocker's jump over one another an attack the express. The express try a doing stereo back suplexes but both Rockers flip out and score with drop kicks. The Rockers go for a double dive but the Express step to one side and play to the crowd but they don't notices the Rockers have feinted the dive, the Rockers then climb alternate corners and both score with body press to the outside, brilliant sequence. The Rockers play to the crowd in the centre of the ring. Shawn gets two off a snapmare. Jannetty comes in with a headlock and then tags out. Shawn scores with a lovely hanging vertical suplex for two. Shawn goes for a Monkey Flip but the Express double team Shawn and flap jack him on the top rope. The Express lay Shawn accross the ring apron and Mr. Fuji nails HBK with his cane. Kaeto comes in and they do the World's Greatest Tag Team leapfrog senton spot. Kabusi locks in the dreaded nerve pinch the crowd go nuts and Shawn fights up but fades. Kabusi gets two off the nerve pinch and isn't happy. Keato comes in and gives Shawn a hard Irish Whip leading to the HBK corner spot. Shawn is then superkicked back into the ring and the express give him a double closeline for two. HBK comes back with a giant mat slam but Kaeto knocks Jannetty off the apron. The Express try to use a belt on Shawn but he jumps on it and sends both men into each other. Hot tag! Jannetty unloads, two body slams, two drop kicks and a power slam on Keato gets two. Jannetty and Kaeto have a backslide battle but Kabusi comes in and kills him with a roundhouse. Shawn trips Keato for two. The Rockers score with the double superkick and Jannetty sets up to body press Shawn onto Kaeto but Kabushi breaks it up and Shawn is press to the outside. The Express do a catapult chop combo move. They set it up again but Shawn recovers and gut punches Kabusi so when Jannetty is catapulted he flips over Kabusi and scores with a sunset pin for three.

Randy Savage is back stage saying that Slaughter has garenteed him a title shot when he wins the belt. Mooney asks Randy what about if Warrior wins, Savage says don't worry Sherri is baiting him. Sherri walks out to talk to Gene Okerland and says Slaughter is an honourable man and will be true to his word but Warrior is Hello from his head to his toes. Warrior of course arrives with out too much delay. Sherri says if your so honourable will you give the Macho King Randy Savage a title shot. He doesn't say anything, so Sherri says she's admired him for a long time and basically starts chatting him up. Sherri's looked at his lips and wondered what it'd be like. Sherri's wondered about his chest and she starts stroking his chest and back. She says she'd like to see him with the win blowing through his hair. So what's it gonna be is he honerable is he brave, what's it gonna be? She gives him a kiss, Warrior smiles, Sherri says its the most wonderful thing that's ever happen to him. Sherri drops to her knees, the crowd go apeshit and Warrior smiles. She asks about the title matcha again. Warrior then spits and starts convulsing and says "NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". Warrior beats his chest and Savage goes nuts backstage and charges to the ringside and finds only Sherri. Pretty funny angle.

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Bossman has his amazing music. Bossman scores with a big boot and a running reverse elbow and that sends the Barbarian to the outside. Bossman slides to the outside and gives the Barbarian an uppercut. Bossman whips Barbarian shoulder first into the ringpost. Barbarian counters a suplex with an eye poke and heads up the top rope. Bossman counters the flying axe handle with a gut punch and Bossman scores with the running closeline sending both men to the outside. Bossman blocks a hip toss but Barbarian turns it into a vertical suplex. Barbarian clobbers Bossman with a closeline and the pace has slowed to a big man pace. Barbarian uppercuts Bossman and he falls through the middle rope and gets his leg tied up in the rope. The Barbarian rains down blows on Bossman before untying him. Barbarian gives the Bossman a back breaker against the ringpost. Heenan gives Bossman a kick in the gut while the ref is distracted. Barbarian rains down clubbing blows. Barbarian scores with a nice backbreaker for two. Barbarian goes to the dreaded Bearhug of Doom. This is locked in for a couple of minutes before Bossman clubs his way out. Barbarian floors Bossman with an uppercut and begins dropping elbows for two. Its back to the bearhug of Doomy Doom Doom. Bossman tries to use a back rake to escape but can't and fades. Bossman breaks the hold with a bite, Barbarian catches the big boot but Bossman levels him with a nice enzenguri and both men are down. Bossman crawls accross for two. Bossman misses a blind charge and a school boy gets two. Bossman then catches a charging Barbarian and flapjacks him, Bossman gets the pin and the crowd think he's won but Barbarian got his feet on the ropes at the last minute. They do a double shoulderblock spot. Barbarian scores with a flying closeline and Bossman gets his foot on the rope at two. Bossman counters the flying closeline with a Bossman slam but Barbarian gets a finger on the ropes. Barbarian scores with a killer closeline and Bossman does a great sell and that sucked the life out of the crowd. Barbarian goes up top again, he scores with a flying crossbody but Bossman rolls through for the pin and the win.

Slaughter and the General cut a promo mostly in Arabic saying there gonna win. Warrior cuts a relatively controlled promo saying he's gonna win too.

Warrior runs right in chases off Slaughter and destroys the Iraq flag. He then closelines Sarge with the flag and makes Slaughter eat it. Warrior gives Sarge a knee to the gut and throws Sarge into the ringpost headfirst. Warrior chokes Sarge with the flag and then gives him a back body drop. Warrior scores with a hard Irish whip drawing the belly flop sell. Warrior then scores with a closeline and gives Sarge another Hard Irish whip then in a brilliant spot he belly flops to the outside, brilliant spot. Sherri runs out to ringside. Warrior runs over Sarge with a Series of shoulderblocks. Sherri trips Warrior, he chases Warrior all the way up the ramp but Savage is waiting in an ambush and he destroys Warrior hitting him with a stage light and running off. We pan back to the ring and Sarge has the ref distracted and he tries to stop Earl Hebner counting Warrior out. Warrior crawls to the ring where Sarge drags him in. Slaughter pounds away on the Warrior's back wearing him down and spitting on Warrior. Sarge scores with a back breaker and tells Warrior to get up spitting on him. The crowd are booing everything like crazy. Slaughter introduces Warrior to the Spikey shoes. Warrior explodes and we get a double closeline spot. Sarge locks in the bearhug and Warrior sells like a crazy man, Sarge really cinches it in. Big "USA" chant. This Bearhug last for a very long time it takes about a minute before the Warrior even fades. Warrior then roids up and channels the power of the Warrior gods breaking the hold. Warrior scores with a body slam but drops to his knees and Sarge drops three elbows on the back. Slaughter scores with a side back breaker. Slaughter stomps on Warriors back and Sarge locks in the camel clutch. Sarge thinks he's won but actually Warrior's feet were in the ropes. Warrior goes crazy shaking the ropes and doing his crap. He scores with three cartoon closelines and the big flying shoulder tackle and calls for the Gorrilla press but Sherri runs down to ringside. Warrior pulls Sherri in hard on the back of her head and gives her a Gorrilla press all the way to the outside onto Randy Savage. Sarge scores with a hard knee to back and Warrior lands on the second rope, Savage destroys Warrior in the head with a spetre proper busting it on his head. Properply for dropping Sherri on her head. Slaughter then pins Warrior with an elbow drop. Huge "Bullshit" chant from the crowd. Warrior then runs to the back to find Savage.

Lets just say that after that finish the crowd aren't exactly massively into this one. They lock and Koko escapes and starts dancing and starts a mild clap, he's trying his best to get the crowd back into the show. The Mountie misses a back elbow and walks right into a dropkick. Koko gets a arm wrench, the Mountie tries a leapfrog but Koko sees it coming and scores with an armdrag. The Mountie fights his way out and back body drops Koko hard to the outside. The crowd is really disinterest and their not the only ones. The Mountie apparently hits Koko with a cattle prod but we don't see it. The Mountie uses a lame claw and shoves over Tito before playing to the crowd. Jimmy Hart makes fun of Frankie. The Mountie intrdoues Koko to the turnbuckle. The Mountie scores with a flying back elbow and applies a blatant choke. Koko B. Ware comes back with a sunset flip for two. The Mountie puts Koko in a pump handle position and throws Koko out of the ring and then goose steps around. The Mountie calls for a piledriver but gets a back body drop for his troubles. The Mountie comes back pounding down on Koko. Koko comes out of nowhere with a swinging neckbreaker drawing a murmour of a approval from the crowd. Koko gets a headbutt and a flying shoulder block. Koko comes off the top rope with a missile dropkick and then shouts at Jimmy Hart. Koko scores with a second rope crossbody for two. Koko then runs straight into a Bossman slam for the win.

Randy Savage and Sherri are backstage and Randy says he's the real champ, Warrior starts banging on the door and Savage runs away.

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Sarge is backstage and he dismisses the Maggots and that's an order. Allah Akbar!

Roddy and Gorrilla talk down the card and then we go to some pre recorded promos. Jake says he's cold he's not sweating he will get to Rick Martel. Earthquake says he's ready bring on the Undertaker, Mr. Perfect, Tugboat and Hogan. Greg Valentine says this type of this match is right up his alley. Kerry Von Erich says when the Tornado Touches down he'll win. LOD say life is like a rollercoster and you don't want to ride them, or some such. Brother Love is with The Undertaker and he says Taker will bury everyone. Jim Duggan says Hooooo! and some other stuff I didn't care about. Rick Martel says its not what you do its how you look doing it. The Bulldogg is glad he's a bulldogg. Mr. Perfect says he's gonna win becuase he's best athelete. Tugboat bwhahahahahahahha are my god he says he's gonna "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" Hulk Hogan. Piper is laughing on camera at Tugboat.

The heels jump the faces to start but Ted and Virgil end up whipped into each other and the Rhodes score with stereo Bionic elbows. Ted tells Virgil to get in there and take Dustin out. They lock up and roll around the ring. Dustin dodges a closeline and scores with a flying closeline. A dropkick sends Virgil to the outside to regroup. Virgil gets a knee to the gut but runs into a shoulderblock. Virgil goes for a monkey flip but Dustin stomps on him and closelines Virgil to the outside. Ted chews Virgil out on the floor. Ted Dibiase tags in and says he'll show Virgil how its done. Ted gets a knee to the gut and follows up with a nice closeline. Ted introduces Dustin into the turnbuckle. Ted then nails Dustin with a nice a back body drop and he mocks Dusty while laying in a nice fist drop. Dustin fires back countering a back drop with a matt slam. Dustin and Dusty then bounce Ted between them with bionic elbows. Dusty is tag in and he slugs the shit out of Ted with bionic elbows before locking in a sleeper. Virgil makes the save and Dusty tags Dustin back in and he scores with a dropkick and Virgil again makes the save. Virgil is tagged in and Dustin misses a high knee in the corner and he's selling like he's blown out his knee. Virgil now sets about kicking the legs out from under Dustin. Virgil scores with a high impact closeline. Virgil works Dustin's knee over on the ringpost while Ted distracts the referee. Ted then tags in and he continues ramming Dustin knee first into the ringpost. Ted works over the knee mocking Dusty. Virgil comes in with a closeline but hits Ted by accident. Ted unloads on Virgil and throws him out of the ring. HOT TAG. Dusty unloads with a big flurry and a corner lariat, Dusty tries it again and Ted dodges and scores with a quick school boy.

Ted gets on the mic and says that everybody has a price for the million dollar man, and nobody crosses the million dollar man without paying the price. The crowd chant for Virgil. Ted calls Virgil an idiot and tells him to put the belt around his waist. Virgil looks pissed and Ted tells him to do it now. Virgil gets in the ring with belt and throws it down at Ted's feet. Ted tells him to get down there and pick it up. Ted reminds Virgil about his family and his mother. Virgil picks up the belt and Ted turns around and says everybodies got a price but when he turns back Virgil nails Ted in the head with the Million Dollar belt and the crowd explode.

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We then get a Hogan promo saying basically he's Mr. America. Gene comes in with an update that Sarge has defaced an American Flag, he then goes nuts and says he's gonna get the belt back for old glory.

Entrant Number One is Bret Hart. Entrant Number Two is Dino Bravo. They lock up, Dino powers Bret into the corner and plays to the crowd. Bret comes back with a shoulderblock, a dropkick and an atomic drop. Bret then closelines Dino in the back and nearly sends him over the top rope. Dino comes back with a kick to the gut and an inverted atomic drop. Dino Bravo misses with an elbow drop. Entrant Number Three is Greg Valentine. Greg attacks Dino Bravo and he's stunned. They trade chops to no crowd reaction. Jimmy Hart is on the apron and distracts Greg allowing Dino to score with a closeline. The crowd are really not into these two. Greg gets a few head pounds and then dumbs Dino Bravo. Dino Bravo is Eliminated. Greg then knocks Jimmy Hart off the apron. Bret scores with an inverted atomic drop and Bret does some rumbly stuff. Entrant Number Four is Paul Roma. He got litterally no reaction what so ever. Roma helps Greg to start and then stomps him down when he turns his back. Bret scores with an inverted atomic drop on Roma and then a noggin knocker. The heels can't toss Bret and that gets a big pop. Entrant Number Five is Kerry Von Erich. That's more like it he kills Roma with a discus punch and then he gives Greg one drawing a Flair flop. Bret scores wtih a body slam but misses a second rope elbow drop. Paul Roma scores with a dropkick on Kerry Von Erich and its brawling all round. Entrant Number Six is Rick Martel. He goes straight for Bret Hart and tries to eliminate him but fails. Its Rumble stuff all round. Bret holds Greg back for a big right hand from Kerry and that draws a Flair flop. Bret unloads on Rick Martel in the corner. Greg comes off the second rope with a flying axe handle on Greg. Roma then holds Bret for a Second rope axe handle from Martel, Roma then explodes with a closeline on Martel. Entrant Number Seven is Sama Sinba. Kerry Von Erich nearly atomic drops Martel over the top rope. Paul Roma rolls to avoid a discus punch but Kerry Von Erich gives him the Iron Claw for his trouble. Entrant Number Eight is Bushwhacker Butch. He actually gets a mixed reaction, Butch dances around the ring before dancing right into a chop. Rick Martel gives Sinba a headscissor to the outside. Sima Sinba is Eliminated. Butch gives Roma and Valentine a noggin knocker. This is uninspiring action to say the least. Entrant Nine is Jake The Snake. Jake and Rick Martel unload on each other, Jake gets a massive flurry, he scores with a gut buster, a short arm closeline and calls for the DDT but Martel runs under the ropes to escape. Martel argues with the ref on the apron and Jake attacks but Martel manages to save himself. Entrant Number a Ten is Hercules. He runs straight over to help Roma. Bret scores with a back breaker on Rick Martel. Martel manages to avoid elimination sneaking back in under the bottom rope. Martel ties Jake in the ropes but Kerry Von Erich makes the save. Entrant Number Eleven is Tito Santana. Tito absolutely unloads on Martel and in the back ground Roma misses a dive and eliminates himself. Paul Roma is Eliminated. Its general rumble brawling all round. There's a really weird bundle going on in one corner. Entrant Number Twelve is The Undertaker. Taker goes straight for Bret and sends him over the top rope with a choke life. Bret Hart is eliminated. Undertaker chokes the crap out of Kerry Von Erich. Kerry scores with a discus punch but Taker won't go down and he floors and chokes Kerry with one punch. Kerry puts Taker in the Claw and Taker Chokes him. Entrant Number Thirteen is Jimmy Snuka. Taker mercifully tosses Bushwhacker Butch. Butch is eliminated. Taker scores with a choke lift on Kerry Von Erich. Kerry Von Erich jumps on Taker's back and Greg comes off top with a flying axe handle but he doesn't go down. Taker gives Greg and Kerry a noggin knocker. Entrant Number Fourteen is The British Bulldog. Its brawling everywhere. Jake is just barely hanging on. Hercules scores a nice flurry in the corner. Taker chokes Tito on the ropes. Jake scores with an inverted atomic drop on Rick Martel, Davey then gives him a regular atomic drop. Snuka scores with a headbutt on the Undertaker. Entrant Number Fifteen is Smash. Smash unloads on the Bulldog. Davey floats over on Smash and then scores with a running closeline. Martel is hangin on apron and sneaks behind Jake and pulls him over the top rope. Snuka then gives Rick and Hercules a noggin knocker. Jake The Snake is Eliminated. Entrant Number Sixteen is Hawk. Hawk unloads on everybody he can see but Everybody comes back and slug the shit out of him. Hercules and Hawk are having a pretty big brawl. Taker gives Tito an inverted atomic drop. Undertaker gives Hawk a terrible big boot. Entrant Number Seventeen is Shane Douglas. Hawk scores with a second rope axe handle and tosses Jimmy Snuka, Kerry Von Erich has also been tossed. Kerry Von Erich and Jimmy Snuka have been eliminated. Douglas and Santana score with a double closeline on Martel. Hawk scores with a terrible running closeline. Entrant Number Eighteen is......No one apparently. There's a total clusterfuck going on in the corner, the crowd are booing the crap out of the no show. Its Rumble stuff all round. Entrant Number Nineteen is Animal. The ring is really crowded, the LOD double team Taker and a double cloesline eliminates him but while Hawk is showboating two men closeline him over. The Undertaker and Hawk are eliminated. Animal gives Hercules a ten punch in the corner. Entrant Number Twenty is Crush. Demolition begin working over Bulldog. Santana nearly has Martel out. Demolition give Davey a double closeline. Davey comes back giving Smash a swinging neckbreaker. Greg scores with a big knife edge chop on Martel, he follows up with some shoulder rams in the corner. Entrant Number Twenty One is Jim Duggan. The crowd are happy with that one. He goes after Rick Martel and its really crowded in there. Animal catches Martel in a bearhug when he tries a second rope axe handle. Shane Douglas spears Hercules into the corner. Hercules comes back with a tackle and a flurry. Entrant Number Twenty Two is Earthquake. The crowd give him a big negative reaction. Earthquake and Animal go into a monster slugfest. Animal dodges a closeline and scores with two of his own but charges for a third and is back body dropped over the top rope. Animal is Eliminated. Martel is doing a nice job with the pretend eliminations. Entrant Number Twenty Three is Mr. Perfect. Perfect takes his sweet time getting to the ring. Duggan goes straight for him giving him a hard Irish whip and a closeline but Hacksaw charges and is back body dropped over the top rope. Jim Duggan is Eliminated. Santana kills Mr. Perfect with a nice closeline. Entrant Number Twenty Four is Hulk Hogan. The crowd goes nuts. Hulk gets mawled to start but he eventually big boots and tosses Smash. Smash is Eliminated. Hogan then goes straight for Earthquake with a ten punch in the corner. Perfect unloads on Hogan. Earthquake then scores with five big corner closelines. Big "Hogan" chant errupts. Perfect explodes on Bulldog in the corner. Entrant Number Twenty Five is Haku. Rick Martel low bridges Valentine out of the ring. Greg Valentine is Eliminated. Hogan gives Rick Martel a choke lift in the corner. Rick Martel scores with a flying axe handle on Haku. Its brawling all over the ring. Entrant Number Twenty Six is Jim Niedhart. Earthquake gives Perfect a chokelift. Niedhart gives Hercules a series of shoulder charges. Tito gives Earthquake a flurry in the gut but he no sells it and tosses him. Tito Santant is Eliminated. Haku scores with a brutal chop on Mr. Perfect. Three men try to eliminate Hogan and fail. Entrant Number Twenty Seven is Bushwhacker Luke. Earthquake tosses him straight away and Luke dances off. Luke is Eliminated. Douglas botches a back suplex. Earthquake puts Hogan in a full nelson and Haku nails him in the gut, its really crowded. Entrant Number Twenty Eight Brian Knobbs. He unloads to little fan fare everyone beats him down in the corner. Its very crowded and its Rumble stuff all round. There are eleven men in the ring until Knobbs tosses Hercules. Hercules is Eliminated. Entrant Number Twenty Nine is The Warlord. He slugs away at the bulldog. Crush tries to give Hogan a ten punch but gets tossed. Crush is Eliminated. Hogan dodges a closeline and closelines Warlord over the top rope. The Warlord is Eliminated. Entrant Number Thirty is Tugboat. Tugboat and Earthquake go face to face. Mr. Perfect is very nearly tossed and he hangs onto the bottom rope for dear life. Tugboat gives Rick Martel a choke lift. Bulldog scores with a nice back elbow on Knobbs. Hogan gives Martel and Haku a noggin kocker. Tugboat gives Hogan a series of splashes in the corner and nearly tosses Hogan but Hogan comes back in and tosses Tugboat. Tugboat is Eliminated. Davey Boy tosses Mr. Perfect. Mr. Perfect is Eliminated. Jim Niedhart tries to toss Rick Martel but Martel counters and tosses Niedhart and Bulldog closelines Haku over. Jim Niedhart and Haku are Eliminated. Martel body slams Davey and goes up top. Davey crotches him and closelines him over the top rope. Rick Martel is Eliminated

The Final Four our Brian Knobbs, British Bulldog, Hulk Hogan and Earthquake.

Earthquake closelines Davey over thet top rope. British Bulldog is eliminated. Double closeline on Hogan, and its the tremors and Earthquake, the heels turn there back and of course Hogan hulks up and double closelines both men. Hogan big boot Knobbs over the top rope. Brian Knobbs is Eliminated. Hogan gives Earthquake a big boot and then knocks Jimmy Hart off the apron. Earthquake falls ontop of a Hogan splash and scores with two big elbow drops. Big Hogan chant. Earthquake scores with a powerslam but Hogan Hulks up. Boom, Boom, Boom, Big Boot and Hogan gives him a body slam. Hogan then closelines him over the top rope. Earthquake is Eliminated and Hulk Hogan is your Royal Rumble Winner Again.

Final Thoughts: Well the ending with Hulk Hogan waving old glory was incredibly cheesey but it was the correct ending to what all in all was the good show. The opener was very good, The Warrior match was fun, and the Rumble was nothing special but still a fun Rumble with a good finale. So not a must see Rumble but there's plenty to enjoy on this show. Oh and if you were wondering it was Savage who was number Eighteen, I believe Warrior was supposed to have run him off.