Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

We open RAW with a recap of the Kane-CM Punk-Batista-JBL-Cena storyline development from last week.

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[Opening Credits]

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John Cena's music hits to a somewhat muted reaction by his standards. Cena walks to the ring in an all business manner. He has a new T-shirt its not cool like the other one, the one thing that I assocaited with John Cena and cool is gone. Cena talks about the mixed reaction and says he's not perfect. He's made a mistake, and the way he's raised if you make a mistake you own up and face the consequences, god hang me a bucket. He socked Batista in the mouth and that has consequences, the crowd are slowly gaining interest. He asks Batista to come out and deal with the consequences right now. "Batis-ena" chant rings out.

Batista comes out wearing an incredibly gay tank top or basket ball jersey. Batista says he knows stuff happens in the heat of the moment he's watched the video package and he knows its a mistake. He likes and respects John Cena, so when he beats CM Punk at Summerslam he's gonna give John Cena the first title shot. Cena says Batista has had two shots and is in a losing streak, Cena admits he is too but other people deserve a shot. Batista can't argue with Cena's logic, but people keep interfering in his match. He knows CM Punk can't beat him and neither can Cena. John Cena says he knows Batista is happy to be home. John Cena says Batista-Cena should headline Wrestlemania, but he says it should happen tonight on Batista's home turf and we find out here tonight. Batista says he's gonna whip his arse infront of all his friends.

Here comes the Money! It's Shane O Mac and he's got on his dancing shoes, and there's one thing on his mind. He's got a new General Manager who has already made a series matches, including CM Punk vs. a hot technical free agent? John Cena will be facing JBL and Kane, and Cena's partner will be Batista, Shane dances across the stage as we go to comercial.
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[Commercial Break]

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Well I'm all in favour of anything involving Satino and Beth. We see Santino talking to the "Glamarous Amazon" Santino says he's irrestitable, and Beth says the relationship is strickly proffesional and Santino agrees he's not a peice of meet and tells her to keep her eyes up here. Micheal Cole is chronically annoying.

D'Lo blocks Santino's kick and spins him into an atomic drop. D'Lo rolls through a sunset flip and kills Santino with a diving closeline. D'Lo misses a blind charge and Santino scores with a neckbreaker. Beth says lift him up, Santino can't he tags in Beth and she can, D'Lo escapes, Beth says bring it on and Kelly tags in. Kelly runs into a back breaker. Santino asks Beth for the tag and misses an elbow drop on Kelly, he knocks D'lo off the apron and rolls up Kelly Kelly for the win.

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Post Match: Santino celebrates like he's one the world cup in brilliant fashion. He hugs Beth and she acts all awkward and uncomfortable. Santino is sad, he tries to sneak in a kiss but Beth catches him and he walks off, Beth grabs him by the back of the hair and they have a big kiss and walk off.

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[Commercial Break]

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We go backstage to a full size portrait of Vince, Shane and JBL are looking at it. JBL says he wants the World Title and says Cena and Batista don't deserve a World Title shot. Batista lost his match and JBL beat Cena clean at the Great American Bash. Shane tells him to take it up with the new GM. Shane's mobile goes and he's got his own music as his ringtone, just like dad, ah....Shane has to go and speak with the new GM. Ooooh the intrigue.

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A referee runs down to the ring with a note and gives it to Lillian Garcia, the new GM has ordered that Jerry Lawler will not be teaming up with Jim Duggan he'll be teaming up with Micheal Cole, YES! YES! OH GOD YES! Please say he gets DDTed.

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[Commercail Break]

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We're back without commentary and Cole is complaining as the champs make there way to the ring, seriously he's nearly crying. Cole seems shocked when the ref tells him he has to hold the tag rope, a referee should really know that.

The match bell rings, Jerry bitch slaps Ted who tries to retaliate but runs into a boot. Ted comes back with a closeline. Rhodes in he tries to slap Jerry but gets one for his efforts. The ref is really inforcin the rules pulling both men out of the corner, Cody scores with a second rope bulldog for two. Cody locks in a keylock, some of the crowd try to come to life but most of them seem very disinterested. Jerry fights back with some lovely punches taking down both men. He goes for the piledriver but Ted hits him on the back and Cody back body drops him. Cole tries to help Jerry up but accidently tags in. Cody tosses Jerry and pulls Cole in. The crowd chant "Get the Tables" I agree but instead Cole throws a punch and nails Cody, Cody blocks his next attempt and Cole squirms before a closeline floors him. Cole's facial expression as he got pinned was awesome.

[Commercial Break]

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YES YES YES!!! This is the best Raw ever its.....Mike Adamle! Apparently he got a call in head office earlier in the week and told him to be here tonight, and he sounds good.

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Jamie Noble is in the ring with the insanely beautiful Layla, he says he's got the looks of Obama and eats oats like McCain. He wants to impress the new GM and he's challenge Kofi for the IC title.

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Jamie gets a body slam for two but runs into boot. Kofi scores with two dropkicks sorry "double leg dropkick" thank you Mike. Kofi gets the big legdrop and a second rope crossbody but Noble rolls through for two. Kofi counters the fireman's carry into his spinning scissor kick for two.

[Commercial Break - End Of First Hour]

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JBL has joined Mike Adamle and Jerry Lawler and he tells Adamle to shut up as its not the home shopping network. Big pause for CM Punks promo. JBL plays on Regals man's man gimmick.

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Regal gets a side headlock and then a droptoe hold into a face lock, Punk spins into a hammerlock, Regal wrestles him down with an arm drag into a pin for two. Regal has a side headlock which Punk breaks with a jaw breaker. Punk lays in the knees but Regal fires back with rights and lefts. Regal puts Punk's head against the ring post and big boots it, CM Punk is now bleeding from the side of the head that was brutal. Regal locks in a full nelson, and Punks nose is really bleeding. Regal floors him with a big forearm and then drops a knee. Adamle goes nuts for a forearm rub to the face. Punk gets a cradle for two but Regal runs him down with a running knee. Regal locks in a half nelson and the crowd slowly come to life as JBL lists his accomplishments. Regal fights out and unloads with the kick slap combo, Regal blocks one kick but gets brutalized with another roundhouse. Regal gets an awesome realese dragon suplex with CM Punk doing the back flip sell. Out of nowhere Punk hits the Go 2 Sleep for the win.

JBL goes to confront Punk but Kane comes to the ring, his pyro made Punk jump. Kane nails JBL, Punk hits Kane with a roundhouse but Kane swats him with a big boot, Kane looks demented as JBL calms him down.

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[Commercial Break]

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Possible last ever highlight reel. Jericho is dressed in a suit and they still have the broken Jeritron 5000 behind him. Jericho says he told the truth and he was villified and ostrasized just because he grew up and matured. Jericho wasn't seen as a international superstar just a party host and showman. He played that part becuase that's what the fans wanted. That was a mistake, he should have done what he wanted. He can't believe he wanted to host his own talkshow rather than going for the world title. He says he reached for fools gold rather than real gold. He said tonight is the last Highlight Reel ever. He says he's made a tribute to the man who's careers over and someone we'll never see in that ring again. That man is Y2J not HBK. We see him as Doink, we see him ripping on Steph's boob job, ripping on Randy's personality, planet of the apes Stephanie pie gag and then its back to the ring. He says do you miss that guy, Chris Jericho doesn't, he's embarssed by that guy. Chris Jericho has matured, he could have been a puppet on a string, he says he could have done what the fans wanted forever and they still would never have idolized him like Shawn Micheals, this crowd is really lame. Jericho took matters into his own hands, throwing him through the Jeritron and damaged his eye sight and maybe ended his career. That means more to Jericho than the rest of his career combined, because when he destroy Shawn Micheals he destroyed all of the fans as well. Lance Cade gets on the mic and says these people don't apprecaite him but he does. He was floundering before he met Jericho. Jericho saved him and for that he'll be forever grateful. Jericho appreciates Cade. He says he also apprecaites messing up Shawn's sight. He wants Shawn to listen to him, stay home, hold onto your wife and raise your kids. Be thankful for what Shawn has, be thankful for your sight, move on Shawn, Jericho has. Chris Jericho says he's the most dominent man having ended HBK's career no one deserves a title shot more than Chris Jericho.

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[Commercial Break]

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JR has joined King and Adamle on comentary but he doesn't know why he's supposed to be here either.

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Jillian counters a Mickiecanranna and sends Mickie face first. Jillian gets a hand spring elbow and a neck snapper and plays to the crowd allowing Mickie to get a roll up for two. They go to a finisher counter sequence and Mickie wins with the tornado DDT to win the match

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Katie Lea attacks Mickie James while her father looks on sending her into the ringpost and tells the new GM that she'll be the new Woman's Champ and Paul will be the new IC Champ.

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Todd Grisham asks if he can have the scoop on the new GM but Shane says it could be a man or a woman and keeps his cards close to his chest.

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[Commercial Break]

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Summerslam Line Up So Far:

Triple H vs. Great Khali

Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry

Undertaker vs. Edge - Hell In A Cell

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We then get a plug for Jenny McCarthy on Saturday Nights Mainevent.

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Cena and Cryme Tyme are discussing the match and saying they should watch out for Batista. Batista appears and they establish that they don't trust each other very lamely.

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[Commercial Break]

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Wow when JR is next to Adamle you can really tell just how good JR is. Cena and JBL start the match, JBL pounds Cena down but he pops back up and scores with the throwback. Batista in and he scores with some shoulderblocks in the corner. JBL gives Batista club to the back but he just no sells it and gives JBL a running powerslam. The faces then clear the ring and give each other a thorough stare down.

[Commercial Break]

JBL is working over Cena when we comeback. JBL scores with two consecutive spinning neck breakers. Kane in and he scores with a low dropkick on a seated Cena. Kane lays some elbows in on Cena in the corner. Kane scores with a body slam on Cena and then locks in a chinlock. Cena fights up, Kane uses all his energy to hold Cena back and drag him over to JBL. JBL lands a big slug of Cena and then tags out. Slugfest, Kane runs into an elbow but Cena runs into a big side salto for two. Kane goes up top but Cena dodges the flying closeline and Cena scores with a DDT. HOT TAG! Batista unloads, corner closeline on JBL, Batista dodges a closeline and spine busters JBL, Batista closelines Kane. When Batista tries to run the ropes Kane low bridges Batista and he takes a big bump to the outside. Kane drops an elbow on Batista back in the ring. Kane lays some shoulders into Batista in the corner. Kane gets a body scissors on Batista, you know Batista is loving this. Batista pounds his way oout and tries to crawl to Cena. JBL tags in and knocks Cena off the apron. JBL nails some big shots on Batista in the corner. Batista runs into a boot and JBL goes for the Closeline from Hell but Batista cuts him off with a spear. Batista gives Kane a big boot and JBL gives Batista a big boot. JBL accidently hits Kane, Kane tries to chokeslam JBL but Batista spears Kane. Cena tags in and the FU wins it.

Shane McMahon comes out and introduces the new General Manager for RAW MIKE ADAMLE! He announces that at Summerslam it will be Batista vs. John Cena.

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