Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

Back In Black may seem a curious choice for a top fifty albums list, sure everyone agrees it's great, and millions love it, but come on it's AC/DC it's not serious is it? I mean you don't compare Back In Black to OK Computer do you? But then I thought do we really want three Tom Waits albums or another Elvis Costello album or a second from Husker Du, if I were doing a top 100 then Back In Black would probably find itself a little lower down but for a top fifty it's nice to show some variety and have some fun. Honestly can any of us say we know a more fun album than Back In Black this is the epitomy of old school, it's so positively un-cool, that it's cool. Angus Young is at his best as a walking riff machine from Hells Bells to Rock And Roll Noise Pollution. How could I not include the album that gave the world Back In Black, Shoot To Thrill and Shook You All Night Long, Back In Black also happens to be their most consistant effort ever.

It took me quite a while to come round on Dinosaur Jr. First impressions are all important and my first impression was at Reading Festival 2005 and I was cronically dissapointed, they were buried under their own sludge and it was an unfessiably hot day at the end of a festival and no one was in the mood. By the time I reconciled my misconceptions and got round to giving their albums a go I was totally shell shocked. I was not at all prepared to enjoy Dinosaur Jr. this much. I soon discovered You're Living All Over Me, their most accomplished album, coming at a time of great tension in the band (wait when wasn't there tension?) it shows off all their skills, the primal fuzzy rage, the soloing, the whiny choruses and the harmonious melodies that all seemed absent all those years ago at reading. So whether you prefer the punch of Sludgefest, the soloing of Lose, the pop sensibilities of In A Jar or the middle ground of Little Fury Things this album will not dissapoint.

Are you ready to be pummelled? Well you better be because Amir Kahn doesn't throw hands this fast and he sure as hell doesn't hit even half this hard. The minute Angel Of Death opens the proceeding you know there will be no forgiveness, even if you press stop after ten seconds you'll have been hit by what equates to a years worth of guitar work for most other bands. If I had to recommend just one Slayer album it would be this one, it toes that perfect line between being insanely techincal, sufficiently tuneful and suitably important. It also has two of Slayer's most instantly recognizable tracks, for two different reason, first it has their biggest single and signature tune Raining Blood and second it has Piece By Piece one of the most recognizable opening rhythm arrangements in metal history. So be warned if you play this album you will be crushed as Tom Araya warns it'll "rip your flesh till there's no breath".

Think back, remember a time long long ago before a game called Guitar Hero ever existed. Now your in that frame of mind remember Hot For Teacher, everyone used to talk about the insane drumming, the killer Aerosmith style riffs and the goofy ever so eighties some what sexist, but incredibly catchy lyrics. We used to say what a fucking tune, now we all say "Argh!!!! That fucking song" it's impossible. Guitar Hero has that effect it introduces people to new songs and it ruins your favorite songs for life. Regardless, Van Halen are alot of things, stupid, lewd, cheesey, sexist but one thing that they are more than anything else is guitar heroes and bonifide rock superstars. 1984 showed them doing what they do best writting huge rock anthems (Jump, Hot For Teacher, Panama, I'll Wait) and of course it was bloody brilliant.

So What's Going On may very well be the greatest album of all time, or it may not, we're getting to the seventies don't you worry, but while his humanitarian and ecological crooning was phenominal let's face it Marvin Gaye is at his best when he's get down dirty and is funking you hard. Midnight Love is just that, it's hot funky sex, it never relents your going to dance, your going to seduce, you'll get in a groove and chances are by the time you've finished listening to this record you'll have impregnated your girlfriend even if she's on another continent. So the album starts of with the extreme pulsating funkathon (chirst how many times have I typed funk) of Midnight Lady where Gaye is nearly rapping and then we drop into Sexual Healing and you just know it's all gravy from then in. The world soarly misses Mr. Gaye both his soulful serious self and his funky god of the sex jam personas.