Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

So we kick of the 230 section with the official oober camp comentary on the Cold War.

Wow Conny Plank how cool would be to know someone whose second name is plank? Only in the eighties could you have movement called the new romantics, and it not be ironic. I still can't believe I actually saw Ultravox live in 2009.

Another slice of ridiculous stadium radio friendly rock that could only have come from the 80s. No matter how bad this song is you can't help but smile.

Okay how the hell did I put this ahead of Anyway You Want It? Probably because I really don't care about the 250-200 section of this list. However if Runaway hadn't been written Bon Jovi would have almost certainly been dropped from their label and that would have been a travesty. I don't even know If I'm joking.

I can't believe this still gets played in clubs today. If this had been a hit in the 90s we'd of forgotten it long ago but there's some unholy dark magic surrounding the eighties that means it just will not die. God she must be hard up still touring and she even did playboy, cripes!

I have to admit I'm having fun this section, it's glorious fun cheese mixed with the odd great track, this is most certainly the latter. Chrissie Hynde was as cool as front women come.

There's something scary about the nothing of Dusty Hill and Billy Gibbons asking young girls to given them all their lovin' and their hugs and kisses too *shudder*. Fun track though.

What can I possibly say about this one? I'm still amazed at Lauper's voice, not in the good way, it's one of those bizzare candances that not even science can explain, kind of like Britney's tone on ...Baby One More Time but not nearly as cool. This video is hilarious by the way, you gotta love the way she says "Okay Lets get wild" and then the lamest cheesey non wild beat in history kicks in.

Bwhahahhahaha how did this end up next to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun? Bwhahahahha I just read what's coming next, I honestly didn't plan this.

So Lemmy was sandwiched inbetween Cyndi Lauper and Madonna, I'm not sure whether I should be jealous or very very scared, probably the later. Well even the biggest of the big have to start somewhere and Madonna started here. I had to use the Live Aid footage for the hysterical backing dancers.

I don't know what it is, but if this were the 90s again I'd be pulling my hair out, yet when it's the eighties I can't help but laugh and enjoy myself, maybe it's the hair who knows.

Oh yes, I don't care what anyone says, there is no way to justify this song, it's horrible, cheesey, awful crap, but thankfully it reminds us all of Slyvester Stalone running along a beach and jumping up and down with Apollo Creed in the campest funniest scene in film history. Fuck yeah!

I wonder if when Atomic Kitten were covering this song they were aware that they were covering a cover? Of course this is the a Paragons 1967 B Side. Well I'm sure no one cares. Either way enjoy a classic slice of pop from CBGB's biggest superstars.

This has to be one of the strangest concepts in music history. A pop/rock/folk singer writting a song justifying America's role in world affairs by suggesting they didn't start the fire that in fact violence and war predated America. This is the single most amoral ridiculous justification of the US insidieous Cold War foriegn policy that I've ever heard. Morose yes, but it's so damn catchy.

Another hair metal track so mind blowingly eighties, you could define it from the first chord. It's had a miny revival thanks to the genius of the Wrestler.

Nothing says rock and roll bad arses like whistling. No I never really got this song either but it sold shed loads but then everything Axl touched turned to cocaine money in the 80s.

Hip Hop was amazing in the late 80s you had a mix of the political cutting Public Enemy, the incredible flow of Tribe and Del Le Soul and the sheer fun block rocking of Run DMC. I still Adidas the american way thanks to this song.

An incredible Kraftwerk aping hook and some genius lyrically. "When You In Love / You Know Your In Love No Matter What You Try To Do / You Might As Well Resign Yourself To What Your Going Through" yeah tell me about it.

I'd only known Killing Joke by reputation until this summer when I finally got to see them live, and they were of course bloody brilliant. Nirvana fans should play close attention to the riff.

I have to admit I was pretty blase about seeing the Police last year, and then as the time got closer I started to remember how many mind blowing songs they had, unfortunately the very best were in the 70s so you'll have to wait a month or so for those but here let this cheesey slice tide you over. I'll try to find the footage from when I saw them.

Even though each passing offering since the sublime Guitar Hero Two has got steadily worse musically, this was proof that the guys at Guitar Hero do get it right reserecting this eighties gem for a new generation.

U2 didn't really have much fun in the 80s it was angry rock, then mum rock, but towards the end we got the epic sing along Desire. Chirst just listen to this crowd go bananas. All of U2's best songs are lead by Adam Clayton's baselines.

Freddie Mercury writes an Elvis style jaunt with a classic camp glam stomp, the result absolute magic.

"Catch The Spirit! Catch The Spit! Catch The Mystery! Catch The Myst!".

Oh nothing goes hand in hand like a James Bond sound track and Duran Duran, only Sherlie Bassie could be a more perfect choice. Here's a new drinking game do a shot everytime this guy says Duran.

I was thrilled when this was announced for Rock Band 2, Its hard as hell to sing but it so cool to shout "Love Removal / Love Removal Machine!". Here's a classic performance at Reading, you gotta love the lead singers rant, I wonder what headliner he good be talking about, whinning little accoustic band, well it's no Green Day or the Manics, hmnn.....

Another monster tune with a chorus that's bigger than life. Eighties hard rock or Ninities hard rock it's a tough tough call. But there's no doubting the best thrash was born and bred in the 80s.

His name is in the title if your wondering why I excluded the artist name, he's the friggin producer as well, and hell if you don't know of Flash then where the fuck have you been. What's more if you like hip hop and you don't know who he is you seriously need to go to itunes right now. A song that changed the world.

Rush's instrumental masterclass in how to rock your socks, thinking about it Rush would probably be much better remembered if they never opened their mouths. Christ I have to see this song live before I die, or well before they do. Come on Mr. Giddings or Mr. Eavis make it so.