Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

Just so I don't look like a cheat, and so in future I can tell you "I told you so", or have a good laugh about how badly I Jeff Hardyied (botched) this, here are my twelve predictions I submitted to the PWTorch pick 'em game:

Triple H (to Raw)
Rey Mysterio (to Smackdown)
Kofi Kingston (to Smackdown)
William Regal (to ECW)
MVP (to Raw)
Kane (to Smackdown)
Christian Cage (to Smackdown)
Matt Hardy (to Raw)
Mark Henry (to Smackdown)
Vladmir Koslov (to ECW)
John Morrison (to Raw)
The Miz (to Raw)

Show Starts:

I'm not doing a review just my thoughts as we go along. All three anouncing teams are in attendence, god I hope we don't get six way commentary, Mathews really isn't ready for that. JOSH MATHEWS JUST HAD A NOSE BLEED LIVE ON RAW!

Batista is out to start the show, he's dressed to wrestle but they announce him like he's talking, regardless somewhere Gareth Rhys Thomas just got very very excited. Batista is glad to be back, and he's gassed from walking down the ramp? Batista wants revenge on Randy Orton. He's stopped doing his cool calm promo style and he's shouting alot.

Batista calls Orton out, and threatens to tear the arena apart if he doesn't come down to ringside right now. Orton doesn't answer but Shane O Mac does instead. My bloody stream feezes but basically Shane and Batista are arguing over who should get to beat up Orton and of course Triple H's music hits.

Triple H explains that everything that's happen to Shane's family is Triple H's fault because Orton is drying to get to him. Triple H says with all due respect to Batista Orton went after his wife, he's started it so Triple H is gonna finish it. Technically Batista was beaten up by Orton prior to Triple H so he's wrong.

EXCUSE ME!!!! EXCUSE ME!!! EXCUSE ME!!! EXCUSE ME!!! Yes four. Vickie says she's the only one who gets to decide who gets to face Randy Orton. EXCUSE ME!!! Vickie says if they are over zelous in that match and get counted out or DQed Randy Orton will become the new World Champion. Vickie has given Orton a well deserved night off. Instead we're having a three on two handicap match. Whoever gets the pin against Rhodes and Dibiase gets a one on one match with Randy Orton, that actually makes sense. "Gentlemen Good Luck".

Raw is Vickie Guerrero, I'm loving her being GM on Raw especially if her GM descions continue to make sense. Pretty good opening, the fans were hot for the segment but Batista was pretty lame on the mic.

God American adverts are stupid. Every advert is a retarded advert for disgusting fast food at economy prices.

Match Number One: BooYaka!!! BooYaka!!! Ugh....Rey Mysterio vs. Evan Bourne
Wow great match up, potentially. The winner gets the draft pick, so if Rey wins (Raw gets a pick) if Bourne wins (ECW gets a pick).
Okay I can't watch to screen at once so no match detials tonight I'll give it a review though.
Highlights: Evan took a brutal looking drop toe hold into the barracade, ouchy. Evan countered a spring board cross body with a spinning heel kick. Bourne hits his huge standing moonsault. Rey hits a top rope ranna for a near fall.
Result: Rey Mysterio wins with a 6-1-9 and Big Splash in about four minutes.
Well that was just far to short never the less they threw in some very nice spots, Evan Bourne's selling was sublime throughout. Good but Short. (*1/4)
Draft: MVP is Drafted to RAW
My Score: 1-0 (read it and weep)

Kane is up next, oh joy, but I've score one point so I won't look like a total boob on the PWTorch forum. Go Me!

Match Number Two: Kane vs. The Brian Kendrick
Fuck 'em up Brian, Fuck 'em up!
Highlights: God will there be any? Brian BITCH SLAPS KANE!!! FIVE STARS RIGHT THERE!!! Kendrick begs off like mad, this is comedy gold.
Result: Kane wins with a Chokeslam in about 60 seconds
Squash but Kendrick was awesome none the less. (1/4*)
Draft: Big Show is Drafted to RAW
My Score: 1-1 (fuck I thought about Show, I should have realized they'd put him and Vickie together)

Vickie is so excited about being GM of Raw, is she going to explain how she has power over Shane and Vince. Randy burst into the room, Orton demands the title match but Vickie says no, but in the interest of fairness she says whoever Legacy pins will face the entirity of legacy next week in a three on one.

Swagger comes up to Cena and says the Champ is here, and Swagger says he's the new poster boy around here. They do a silly gag based around Swagger being called the all American American. Cena calls him stupid, I knew serious Cena won't last. Cena suggest he calls himself the all American jackass.

Match Three: Mickie James, Melina & Kelly Kelly vs. Maryse, Michelle McCool & Natalya
Highlights: Mickie kicked the crap out of Michelle before leaping head first off top into a big boot to be KOed.
Result: Michelle McCool kills Mickie James with a big boot in about two minutes.
Well that was actually pretty good, great finish too, but ridiculously short. (3/4*)
Draft: Melina to Smackdown
My Score: 1-2 (Didn't see that one coming thought it might be Mickie, guess there unifying the belts, stacking Smackdown with divas makes sense seeing as they seem to be stripping all its other assets)

Match Four: John Cena vs. Jack Swagger
I actually think this could be very good if this match goes more than three minutes, Swagger does look like a star, Cole is being so horrible on commentary even with five other guys to cover up. Winner gets two picks.
Highlights: Swagger takes Cena to wrestling school with a rolling front face lock. Swagger hits a nice northern lariat. Swagger is showing off some brutal closelines. Cena does the ridiculous Popeye sell of a full nelson, King called him "John Swager" but Cole called MVP the "Divas champion" to put it in perspective. Cena runs through the usual routine Protoplex, Five Knuckle shuffle. Swagger gets to counter the attitude adjuster with a big boot, good for him. Swagger spears Cena off the apron as we go to commercials. Swagger is certianly putting on a good display thus far. John Cena and Vince McMahon have a Gillette Fusion advert!
Swagger does the rock style crucifix DDT (which Cena totally botch but Swagger recovered by deadlifting Cena into the DDT). Swagger hits a nice powerslam using really good strenght. Swagger tries a running Vader Bomb but Cena brilliantly counters into the Attitude Adjuster!
Result: Cena wins by submission with the STF in about ten minutes
Had some clunky moments but make no mistake a very good TV match, Swagger will have really impressed a whole new audience with that performance. Great finish and Swagger did his best to overcome some blown spots. (**3/4)
Draft: Matt Hardy to Raw (yep I figured as much after the fued blow off on SD!)
Draft: Triple H to Raw (well duh...did anyone honestly think he was staying on Smackdown)
My Score: 3-2 (I'm back in the game)

Randy gives Legacy a pep talk back stage and he asks what their strategy, Cody and Ted say their gonna play their opponents egos against one another. Randy is very impressed. Good Segment, I like this sound thinking.

Match Five: Santino Marella vs. The Great Khali
Oh God I get to see this match twice in less than a week.
Highlights: Why do I bother, but wait Beth's music hits and Beth and Rosa walk out. Beth says if Santino loses Vickie Guerrero has announced if Santino loses Santina must appear on the Khali Kiss cam.
Result: Khali wins with the Giant Chop after some comedy
Draft: CM Punk to Smackdown (not suprised at all, the only thing that suprises me Is that I didn't have the as a pick, I could of swarn I did)
My Score: 3-3

Match Six: The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston
Cole did the Boom Boom Boom thing, oh christ, I just don't know what to say anymore. Anyway this could be good.
Highlights: Kofi hits a nice leaping reverse elbow and Matt Striker shouts "right in the facebook", Kofi does some nice kips and flips before arm draging Miz through the ropes. Kofi does the fake out dive and then hits a plancha. Morrison distracts Kofi allowing Miz to hit a nice baseball slide. Miz did his cool bulldog into the turnbuckle shame it came after a minute long headlock. Miz hit a cool variation of a rope rider/jaw jacker. Kofi did a brilliant pele style evasion move in the corner. Some nice nearfalls being exchange here. Kofi showed off some awesome athleticism leading to crisp russian legsweep. Miz dodges the Trouble in Paradise for a near fall.
Result: Kofi wins by DQ when Morrison is caught cheating
Well some very good athleticism and interesting offence from both men, but the rest holds, sloppy moments and lame finish held the match back. Still Kofi managed to look good. (*1/2)
Draft: The Miz to Raw (yep as I predicted, Miz turns on Morrison post match hitting him with the reality check post match, crowd popped big for that turn)
My Score: 4-3 (this is tense, I reckon I've got one lock left, but you never know, I might win the Torch league)

Match Seven: 15 man battle Royal for two draft picks (RAW: MVP, Big Show, Cryme Tyme, Mike Knox. ECW: Burchill, Finlay, Henry, Tyson Kid, Ricky Ortiz, SD: The Colons, R-Truth, Chavo, Edge)
Highlights: Big Show and Henry pretty much kill everyone. Edge gloats and turns to see he's left with Henry and Big Show. Comedy moment Edge tries to reason with Henry but he refuse to help Edge. Big Show lifts Henry over the top rope! Wow. But Mark hangs on and they trade headbuts until the big head butt eliminates Henry.
Result: Edge wins by low bridging Show when he charged.
Battle royals suck, this had some fun moments. (3/4*)
Draft: Kane to Smackdown (yeah that was pretty obvious)
Draft: Chris Jericho to Smackdown (that was definitely a possibility, with Big Show coming to RAW Jericho almost had to go)
My Record: 5-4 (I'm not confident about the rest of the draft, I've got one lock left, but alot of my picks were either ors, and because of some who have moved others won't, I just want to get to 6 to get at least a 50% average)

Match Eight: Christian vs. Shelton
Wow now if they give them time, even just seven minutes these two could really tear the house down.
Highlights: Shelton opens the match with a Northern lights suplex, now that's a very nice touch. Christian gets a nice uppercut from the outside. Shelton leaps to the top rope and scores with a big Greco Roman throw. Matt Striker and Todd Grisham have some really nice interplay. Christian dodged a top rope flying crossbody. Christian counters the Dragon whip into the Killswitch which Shelton counters with an electric chair back breaker, brilliant sequence.
Result: Christian gets the win with the Killswitch in about four minutes
Good actions some great counters. Too short though. (*)
Draft: Vladmir Koslov (Of course of course, I never doubted it for a second, don't know if ECW will get two picks, it was him or Regal really)
My Score: 6-4 (50% record minimum, oh yeah! And I still have Rey left in the bag)

Shane, Triple H and Batista argue over who gets to face Orton next week. Batista declares its every man for himself.

Match Ten: CM Punk vs. Matt Hardy
Tough one to call here, both men should be kept strong, I think Matt should win but Smackdown needs wrestlers so I guess Punk picks up the W.
Highlights: They both escape each others finishers in the early going. Matt counters a float over with a really nice sit out face buster. Punk hits the running knee strike bulldog combination.
Result: Matt Hardy wins by DQ when Jeff Hardy runs in for a beat down.
Didn't really get going, not much pace to it. (3/4*)
Draft: Maryse to Raw (well that makes sense I'd of rather made SD the divas show and unified the belts)
My Score: 6-5 (I still think I'm gonna get one more right)

Match Eleven: Chris Jericho vs. Tommy Dreamer
Highlights: Dreamer throws two of the worst arm drags in Human history, I swear the ones Karl Malone threw in WCW were better than that. Jericho is doing his best but Dreamer is gassed its ridiculous. Tommy Dreamer gets a series of near falls and even hits a sky high. Jericho counters a second rope axe handle with a really nice code breaker. Line of the Night: Todd Grisham: "if Tommy Dreamer is legend, well, then so is the Brooklyn Brawler", J.R "I'd go with that".
Result: Chris Jericho with an awesome Code Breaker
Quite decent. (*)
Draft: Rey Mysterio to Smackdown (Well duh)
My Score: 7-5 (a good night, should do all right on the Torch leader board)

Match Twelve: Triple H, Batista & Shane vs. Ted & Cody
Result: Triple H gets the win with the Pedigree after Batista and Shane brawl.
I didn't pay too much attention seemed a fine match.

Overall Thoughts: Well three hours is far too long for a wrestling show but I did enjoy the draft and guess who'd go, looks like I won the PWTorch prediction league, oh yeah. A must see edition purely for the newsworthiness of the show. (7/10).