Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

Well its a duel Main Event tonight and Vince McMahon is on commentary with Roddy Piper. They sell Hulk Hogan as the main draw and Warrior as a secondary attraction.

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Hercules unloads on HBK to start the match hitting him in the knee with the chain. Marty hits four hip tosses before dodging a cross body sending the two heels into one another before scoring with a double dropkick. Marty gets a inside craddle and has the 1-2-3 but theors no referee. Jannetty closelines Hercules over the top. Roma gives Jannetty a hard Irish whip, in the back ground Hercules sees Shawn Michaels recovering and nails him in the knee again. Jannetty gets a sunset fli but Hercules breaks up the pin.

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Roma keeps Shawn down on the outside while Hercules scores with a big military press for a near fall. Jannetty crawls to his corner but HBK is still down injured. Jannetty counters a powerslam with a small package but Roma gets a blind tag. Roma gives Jannetty two back breakers for a two count Jannetty explodes with a powerslam on Roma and a superkick on Hercules. Jannetty goes to the top rope and hits a nice fist drop for a near fall. Jannetty floats over Roma but Hercules suprises him with a huge right hand.

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Power and Glory then give Jannetty a huge double farewell. Hercules then turns Jannetty inside out with a closeline. HBK is still down selling the knee on the outside. Roma and Hercules then score with the superplex and big splash combo for the 1-2-3. That's a great a finisher. Roma pinned Jannetty with one foot on his chest.

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Heenan and Mr. Perfect cut a promo on Texas Tornado Kerry Von Erich. Kerry is up next and he cuts a prett good promo.

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Kerry Von Erick throws Perfect hard into the turnbuckle before Curt replies with an arm drag. Hennig follows the arm drag up with a hip toss and Heenan wipes the sweat from Perfect's brow. Kerry explodes with a hip toss, a body slam and then a big closeline over the top rope and the crowd explode as Heenan cools Perfect down on the outside. Kerry gets an arm wrench and unloads on Perfect, Curt breaks the hold with a big forearm. Perfect gets a snapmare and a neck whip before hitting a hard Irish whip and sleeper.

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Curt has control and he bitch slaps Kerry in the corner before throwing a right hand. Kerry no sells and gets a double leg tip and the catapult sending Hennig face first into the ring post. Curt staggers into the Iron Claw and Kerry releases it and turns Mr. Perfect inside out with a discus punch for the 1-2-3. Hennig then staggers to his feet and falls through the middle rope.

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Bobby Heenan and Mr. Perfect are fumming as they get backstage and Hennig promises that he will get his title back.

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Saphire's music hits three times but she doesn't come out from the back. Sherri wearing a bizarre mask is complaining in the ring. Howard Finkel announces that if Saphire doesn't get out to the ring in 30 seconds, Sherri will be declared the winner they do the count down and Sherri is declared the winner.

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We go backstage to Dusty and he says he hasn't seen or heard from Saphire since they arrived at ringside. Dusty is very very worried, Duggan pops into shot and says he hasn't seen her but he'll keep looking. Dusty talks about all these gifts that Saphire's been recieving and then says he has to go look for Saphire.

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Tito grabs a side headlock but Warlord picks him up and throws Tito across the ring. Tito dodges a closeline and unloads befoe grabing and arm wringer. Santana tricks warlord and hits and elbow drop which he follows up with two dropkicks and Warlord has to bail to the outside. Warlord returns to the ring and its a big body slam but Tito responds with some Monkey boxing for a nearfall. Warlord's kick out sends Santana to the outside.

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Warlord gives Tito a backbreaker against the ring post. Warlord hits Tito with a club to the back and stomps away at the back of Santana. Warlord returns to the ring and unloads with some clubs, God this is dull. Warlord works over Santana very slowly in the corner. Warlord runs into a boot and Santana nails the Warlord with a stiff closeline. Tito dodges a closeline and hits the flying forearm and he gets the cover 1...2...foot on the rope. Warlord shoves Tito down hard and hits a running powerslam for the 1-2-3.

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Demolition the proceed to cut a very shouty Demolition promo. Jim Neidhart cuts a funny promo "they don't pay me to think, they pay me to be tough like an anvil".

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The Hart foundation give Smash a double back elbow to start the match. Bret then floats over Smash before getting a roll up for a nearfall. Bret then gets an arm drag before taging in Anvil who gets a hammerlock before biting the arm of Smash. Bret gets an arm wrench takedown before getting a leg drop on the arm of Smash. Smash manages to power up and scores with a body slam. Crush tags in gets a body slam but misses a knee drop. Bret tries a crossbody but Crush catches him and scores with a soft powerslam before playing to the crowd.

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Crush runs straight into a boot allowing Bret to get a roll up for a two count. Anvil tags in and and unloads on Smash with a shoulder tackle. Crush gives Anvil a knee to the back of the head while the referee is distracted. Crush tags in and runs straight into a big closeline. Bret tags in and hits a sloppy closeline on Smash before giving Crush a lou thez press from the second rope. Bret then gives Crush and inverted atomic drop. Bret whips Cursh into Smash and gives him the side Russian legsweep for a nearfall. Bret then hits the back breaker and second rope elbow drop but Crush makes the save with the leg drop. Demolition then give Bret the back breaker elbow drop combo for the 1-2-3. Demolition win the first fall.

Bret dodges a closeline but runs straight into a throat thrust from Crush. Smash tags in and plays to the crowd before hitting a back suplex for a near fall. Crush tags in and a gets a snapmare before locking on a chinlock, the crowd come to life but Crush just slugs down Bret with a right hand. Smash tags in and misses a closeline and Bret hits a diving closeline. Bret crawls for a tag and .......

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HOT TAG! The Anvil cleans house with forearms and a big polish hammer on Smash. Jim hits a brilliant powerslam on Smash but only gets a near fall. Jim gets some shoulder blocks before tagging in Bret who whips Jim hard shoulder first into Smash. Bret and Jim then score with the Hart Attack and Crush dives on the referee to break the pinfall but the referee DQs Demolition. The Hart Foundation win the second fall.

While the referee is distracted Axe runs down and hides under the ring. Bret hits a sunset flip on Smash and gets an inverted atomic drop before getting the gut stomp. Bret misses a blind charge and Jim kills Smash with the flying shoudler tackle. Anvil then gives Bret the reverse powerslam onto Smash for a very near fall. Axe then switches with Smash and he unloads on Bret with a big closeline and a body slam for a near fall. Then a powerslam gets another nearfall. Axe gives Bret a hard Irish whip.

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Crush tags in and scores with a tilt-a-whirl back breaker and Jim Niedhart has to make the save. While the referee is distracted Axe and Smash work together to beat the crap out of Bret Hart. Smash gives Bret a catapult throat first onto the top rope. The Legion of Doom come to ringside and beat up Smash and push Crush off the top rope. Jim then hits the slingshot shoulder block on Crush, Bret gets teh roll up for the 1-2-3.

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Legion of Doom and The Hart Foundation cut promos after the match and Hawk strokes the beard of Jim Niedhart which is just bizarre. Next up Sensational Sherri is up next and she cuts a good cocky pomo in her southern accent. Next it gets even silly we see a sewer rat and snake in the shower, no I'm not joking. Things get even sillier as Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Nickolai Volkoff cut a promo apparently they are friends and neighbours now. We go to Earthquake and he cuts one of his silly promos.

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Jake attacks to start the match and grabs an arm wringer. Bad News returns fire with a hip toss and he slows the pace down with some methodical pounding. Brown scores with a leg drop for a near fall adn then gets in the Bossman's face. Jake uses the distraction to go for the DDT but Brown scrambles to the outside. Brown clobbers Jake in the gut with a steel chair. They return to the ring and Brown gets a hard Irish whip and continues his methodical pounding. Jake tells Brown to stick it but Brown continues to pound.

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Brown scores with a closeline and goes to the second rope and misses a fist drop and both men are down. Jake unloads with a series of snap jabs and then the short arm closeline. Brown counters the DDT with a back body drop and then Brown goes back to pounding the back of Jake. Brown gets the steel chair and once again hits Jake in the gut but Bossman DQs him this time. Brown tries to dropkick the Damien but Bossman pulls it out the way. Brown attacks Bossman, Jake gets Damien to make the save and runs off Brown.

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Brothe Love is up next and he runs through his usual shtick beforing introducing Drill Sargeant Slaughter. They shake hands and hug. Love says its an honour and a privilage. There are only reasons that Srg. is in this stinking town, reason one is to present an award, he said in his search to fine a winner he found out that America has become soft and weak. Slaughter says he has found one man great enough to earn the Srg. Slaughter award for a great Americans. Slaughter gives the award to Brother Love who salute and goes nuts with joy. Sarge declares war on Nickolai, becuase America is too chicken to declare war, but Slaughter has the courage and he calls Nickolai "commie, maggot, scum". Sluaghter says that Nickolai is weak and soft just like America. Sarge says that Saddam is going to kick all those American boys butts. The begining of the big build towards Slaughter as the number one heel in the company for Wrestlemania VI, using the Iraq war to get Slaughter over which was pretty dispicible.

Mr. Fugi is with the Orient Express and he cuts and evil Japanese promo, we then see Mean Gene and he can't quite catch Saphire but at least he's found her.

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NICKOLAI AND DUGGAN SING GOD BLESS AMERICA WHICH IS ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THINGS I'VE EVER SEEN, Duggan then blesses the troops in the middle east, this man will do anything for cheap heat. Duggan and Volkoff give the Orient Express simultanious atomic drops sending them crashing into one another. Volkoff hits a hard shoulder tackle on Tanaka, Tanaka tries a crossbody but Volkoff catches him but Saito comes off the top rope to save Tanaka. Fuji hits Volkoff with the cane before Siato hits a arm wrench and axe kick. Volkoff dodges a big splash and tags in Duggan. Duggan cleans house before scoring with a big closeline and then a huge flurry on both men simultaniously. Duggan gives the Express a noggin knocker beofre hitting a pair of closelines. They Irish whip the heels into one another, Volkoff gives Siato a northern lariat over the top rope and Duggan kills Tananka with the 3 point stance closeline for the Uno, Dous, Tres.

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Dusty is knocking on Saphire's door he's saying he's worried sick, he needs Saphire for his match. Mean Gene calls him beffudled. Randy Savage has some really fun interplay with Mooney. Savage says that Saphire doesn't want to assoiciate herself with a commoner like Rhodes. This was an absolutely excelent promo from Savage, silly and very camp but alot of fun.

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The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase and Virgil appear on the ramp and Ted Dibiase says that money can buy anyone and he introduces the Sweet Saphire! They laid the seeds for this early in the night, Ted asks Dusty who does Dusty think bought Saphire the fur coat and the dimond necklace. Ted Dibiase says that Saphire had her price just like everybody else had a price. Dusty goes after Ted but Savage jumps him from behind and rolls Dusty back into the ring. Savage comes off the top rope with the bombs away double axe hand. Sherri then chokes Dusty with her knee while the referee is distracted.

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Savage unloads on Dusty in the corner with jabs but Dusty turn it a roudn and hits a bionic elbow before unloading with a series or big jabs. Dusty then scores with a pair of bionic elbows and then a dropkick. Dusty chases Savage outside the ring and Savage hides behind Sherri, Sherri then distracts the referee and Savage nails Dusty with the loaded purse for the win.

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Mooney tries to get an interview with Ted Dibiase as he gets in the limo, Dusty Rhodes runs backstage put gets there just as the limo pulls away.

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We then go to Hulk Hogan and the Big Bossman backstage, Hogan then cuts the exact promo that you'd expect. Actually this promo is very funny Benjamin "Bossman" Franklin and Goerge Washington "Hogan", WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WHEN YOUR FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS RUN WILD ON YOU!??!

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The roof gets completely blown off when Hogan walks out. Hogan soaks up the atomsphere before they lock up. Hogan tries to shove the Earthquake but he hardly budges an inch. They lock up and Earthquake shove down Hogan with ease, Hogan charges right up he gets shoved down hard again. Huge "Hogan" chant, Hulk tries a side headlock but Earthquake lifts him with ease before hitting a sloppy shoulder tackle. Hogan bails to regain his thoughts with the Big Bossman.

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Hogan gets a kick to the gut and an eye rake but when Hogan tries the body slam he can't life Earthquake. Earthquake gives Hogan a hard Irish whip before running into a boot. Big "Hogan" chant, Hogan unloads with a series of closelines and right hands, Hogan winds up and a big right hand sends Earthquake down. Hogan then knocks Dino Bravo and Jimmy Hart off the apron, the crowd go mental as Hogan poses.

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All four men get in the ring and Hogan and Bossman give Earthquake and Dino Bravo double big boots. The referee gets Bossman out of the ring, Dino Bravo sneak attacks Hogan and the heels hit a double body slam on Hogan. Earthquake then hits a leg drop on Hogan for a nearfall. Earthquake goes to the top rope and scores with a flying back club? Earthquake then stomps on the hands of Hogan. Earthquake then locks Hogan in the boston crab and Hogan attempts to power out but can't and Hogan has to reach for the ropes instead.

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Hogan bails to catch his breath but he gets no resbite as Dino Bravo hits him with a body slam before rolling Hogan back into the ring. Earthquake hits Hogan with a body slam and goes for an elbow drop but Hogan rolls out the way. Hogan hits a knife edge chop and goes for the body slam but Earthquake falls ontop for a nearfall. Earthquake then locks on the bearhug and the crowd come to life. Hogan tries to fight out but fades, Hogan does a really good job of selling. Hogan tries to fight out and rips Earl Hebner's shirt in the process.

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Hogan escapes and hits two big shoulder tackles but Earthquake won't go down. Hogan tries a flying crossbody but Earthquake catches him and then scores with the big powerslam and a cocky pin gets a very near fall. Earthquake then hits the Tremors and sits on Hogan, Hogan is dead, Earthquake hits it one more time but Hogan kicks out and Hulks up. Boom...Boom...Boom...Big Boot, Earthquake doesn't fall down so Hogan plays to the crowd adn hits the body slam and hits the Leg drop of doom.

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Jimmy Hart comes into the ring to break the hold but Hogan no sells and picks up Hart in a Military press and slams him on top of Earthquake. They brawl to the outside and Jimmy Hart swings the Mega phone but hits Earthquake. Hogan then body slams Earthquake on a table and returns to the ring to win by count out. Post Match: Earthquake has Hogan in a choke life and Bossman hits Earthquake three times in the back with a step ladder but Quake no sells and Dino Bravo and Earthquake circles Bossman. Bossman then scares them off with the nightstick.

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The Hogan posedown goes very long leaving not much time for the main event and promos. The crowd seem plenty burned out because they were rabid in the Hogan match it'll be interesting to see what they have left for Warrior.

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Rick Rude is up next and he cuts a very good promo on Warrior as does Bobby Heenan, if this lives up to last years match this could be really good.

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Dusty Rhodes is backstage with Mean Gene, Dusty is very angry and he's talking about emotion, he offered up his innocence to Saphire and she offered scorn. Dusty talks about the fans asking when he was gonna get mad, when he was gonna get bad, when were you gonna get even Big Dust. That was a real good money promo, I take it they settled things at Surivor series.

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We then go to a Lord Alfred Hayes and he tells us about how to put up a steel cage. Hulk Hogan then cuts another insanely silly promo this time on Earthquake and getting his number one contenders spot back. He talks about surfing and chasing sharks and building earthquake proof buildings in the north pole, incredibly promo.

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Earthquake cuts a promo on Hogan saying its not over yet, Earthquake has huge welts on his belt from being hit with the step ladder. God John Trenta is one tough fucker. Jimmy Hart tells Hogan to get himself some Earthquake insurance.

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Ultimate Warrior is up next, "What do Bobby Heenan and the liberty bell have in common, one is cracked, one is a ding dong". Warrior cuts a Warrior promo with locks of snorting and ridiculous snorting.

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The Warrio and Rude start the match brawling ontop of the cage. Warrior rams Rude into the steel and Rude bumps off the top rope. Warrior then scores with a flying closeline off the top rope before tossing Rude hard into the side of the cage. Rude tries to climb but Warrior slams him into the cage before running Rude accross the rind and throwing him against all sides of the cage. Warrior plays to the Warrior Gods and then goes for a flying cross body but Rude dodges and Warrior crashes and burns into the cell. Warrior is down and struggling and Rude nearly escapes. Rude kicks Warrior off and then comes off the top rope with a flying axe handle. Rude has already been busted open and he decides to toss Warrior into the cage before slapping Warrior down like a bitch.

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Rude is now on top and he brutally throws Warrior face first into the cell. Warrior recovers and they tease a slugfest before Rude cuts Warrior off with a rake to the eyes. Rude then grates Warrior's face against the steel cage. Warrior fires with a big right hand but Rude gets a kick to the gut and goes for the Rude Awakening but Warrior uses his power to break Rude's grip and hits a closeline and goes for the big splash but Rude gets his knees up and then hits the Rude Awakening to a big pop. Rude goes to the top off the cell and scores with a flying punch to the head that was brutal. Heenan tells Rude to leave but Rude climbs the cell instead. Rude comes off top with a flying axe handle but Warrior counters with a big punch to the gut and both men are down.

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Warrior crawls for the exit but Heenan slams the door shut on Warrior's head. Rude falls on top 1...2...nearfall! They go to a collision spot and Rude crawls through the door but Warrior pulls Rude back into the ring pulling his trousers down in the process. The Warrior pulls Heenan into the cell and unloads with a right hand and then gives Heenan an atomic drop sending Heenan through the door and out the cage. Warrior plays to the crowd but gets run over with a closeline. Warrior starts shaking the ropes and going crazy. Warrior then scores with three closelines and plays to the crowd. The Warrior then hits the gorrilla press and Warrior climbs to the top of the crowd and plays to crowd. Rude staggers to his feet in the cage just as Warrior's feet hit the floor.

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