Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

Again I'll try not to cover word for word the discussion but I'll run you through the talking points they hit and the best lines they throw out. Todays panel Dusty Rhodes, Pat Patterson, Mike Graham and Michael P.S. Hayes.

Roddy Piper is firs up for discussion. They go to a video package its a really nice package explaining how the WWE brought Piper's unique personality to the entirity of the World. They show clips of him headlining wrestlemania one and headlining the first Starcade in a dog collar match. They close by saying that wrestling exploded in the 1980s and Roddy Piper light the fuse.

Paterson talks about refereeing the first wrestlemania main event, Pat talks about Piper being quiet backstage but always starting fights in the bars. They then go to footage of Piper cutting a promo on Ric Flair, it's pretty good, fast frantic and funny.

Dusty is up next, he's smoking a cigar and he argues with J.R. about sports. Dusty tells a story about shoving balls up Ric Flair's arse and Piper walking in on them, this story has to be heard to be believed. Dusty saying the words "up his arse" in his accent is just insane. Hayes then tells a story about Piper stealing a truck. They really put over Piper's promo ability as they'd expect.

They then talk about Roddy Piper stint as a announcer in Mid Atlantic, Hayes says that J.R. has surpased Gordon Solie as the greatest announced. Hayes then tells a story about Piper and Bullet Bob failing to draw a house because no one in the South knew Piper was a wrestler.

J.R. talks up the Dog Collar match at the first Starcade and they go to footage of the first Starcade, that was a hell of a bloody brutal brawl. Paterson talks about Piper's Pit and how Piper used to give everybody the rub. Dusty talks about They Live as a serious movies and he says Piper was a good actor. Dusty then change tack as proclaims himself the greatest actor of all time, Mike Graham then is stunned that Dusty actually get paid to wrestle in The Wrestler.

They then talk about Piper being awkward to work with because he always made people work his style, just a Roddy brawl. Hayes sticks up for Piper saying that his match with Bret Hart at Mania showed he could wrestle another style. Flair is apparently the biggest mark for Piper ever.

Amazing Line: J.R. "I cried last week watching Lassie, don't talk about Old Yella I'll cry right now"

We now go to Terry Funk and we get another really nice video package on Terry Funk running through his various feuds focusing on the Flair match and leading the revolution in ECW.

Mike asks what Graham J.R. what the Funk he's talking about. Graham tells a story about Terry Funk stealing a grate of hand grenades because his dad didn't have fireworks. This is an insane story. They ask who was crazy Mick Foley or Terry Funk and they all those Funk. Dusty tells a story about a cage match with a few years back. They are all ripping on Dusty.

Great Line: Dusty "I pulled his trousers down, and burned his butt", "The ring is on fire, his arse is on fire and the old man is on fire".

J.R. talks about Funk being one hell of a wrestler in the 70s and 80s before he became a hard core Icon. They roll a clip of Funk in the WWF trying to convince his oponnent not to have a match and he tries to get Moondog counted out before accidently back body dropping his opponent into the ring so Funk ends up being counted out.

Hayes tells a story and Michael Hayes is bitching about money as always. Pat Paterson says if you were bitching about money when your wrestling then you weren't that good. Hayes tells him to check the attendence record, great banter. Hayes then tells a really stupid about Funk which is pretty damn funny. They just go on a streak of telling insanely funny stories.

Dusty is just insanely funny with his ridiculous stories and his inability to add up. Dusty has destoyed his cigar he's smoke this huge cigar in like half an hour. They talk about Terry being to much of a wild child to be trusted with world titles.

They go onto the question of whether Terry Funk still wrestling the hardcore style and continuing to wrestle undermines his legacy, Dusty doesn't thinkgs so because Terry does it out of passion. They then go to a promo Michael Hayes going absolutely mental at Edge on Monday Night Raw, I've never seen this promo, it's absolutely brilliant, Hayes still has it on the microphone. Hayes makes fun of the "flippy moves" as Hayes puts it.

We start with the greatest hits of Piper's Pit, Piper makes fun of all of his old guests like Hogan and Cyndi Lauper. Piper says he wants a guest with intelligence, the greatest wrester of all time, and its Roddy Piper. Another Piper comes onto to the set, Piper said it's a pleasure to have him anywhere even in the bath tub. Piper said he always knew he'd be this great. Piper asks Piper if he has any idols, Piper has no idols, what's the point there is nobody better than him at anything. Frog legs are Piper's secret dietary advice, but don't kill the frogs. Apparently Hogan's mother has sent a fan mail, she spells Piper's name wrong, the letter asks for him to stop beating up her son. Hogan apparently cries and holds onto her ankle. Piper calls her a whore and makes fun of Hogan's hair. Piper talks about his dissapoinment having his dog run over, Piper has been the cat's arse apparently. Piper says he has a twelve foot bull whip to stop all the women running away from him. Piper says he's fast and furious, then long and lethal and the third time he's wonderful. Piper says that Roddy Piper makes Roddy Piper a success. Piper then cuts a promo on people sitting a home. Piper says if your having trouble getting your wife pregnant, you cook her a candle light dinner and then you warm her up in the bed room and pick up the phone and call Piper. Good line. Piper and Piper tease getting in a fight but Piper says Piper is the only man he won't get in a fight with.

Next we go to an interview with Flair making fun of Piper and Flair says he'll show Piper how to be an ammatuer wrestler. They then do some ammatuer wrestling and Piper gets the bettter of it to the suprise of Flair. Flair lashes out and kicks Piper and unloads with a chop but when he goes for a back body drop Piper suprises Flair with swinging neck breaker and gets a quick 1-2-3 and challenges Flair to a title match.

They go straight into a big slugfest to start, Piper gets a double leg takedown and unloads from a mount but Orndorff rolls him over and hits some Savage mat slams. They brawl frantically to the outside and Orndorff hits an atomic drop and introduces Piper to the guard rail and the announce table. Piper hits Orndorff with a microphone and throws the table on Orndorff. Orndorff gets control and throws Piper back into the ring. Insanely fast paced start.

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Orndorff comes off top with a bionic drop and hits a nice knee drop. Piper cuts Orndorff off with an eye poke and floors Orndorff and Piper startes playing to the crowd. Orndorff comes back with a sunset flip pullng Piper's pants down to do it for a near fall. Piper continues to unload with stomps while his tights are still down. Piper tries to suplex Orndorff into the ring but Paul lands on his feet and a nice roll up gets a nearfall, Piper then pokes Orndorff in the eye and gets in the referees face.

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Piper gets a running knee and then he slaps on the sleeper hold and Orndorff begins to fade. The crowd are going nuts but slowly become worried. Orndorffs arm goes down four times and the crowd really think its over before he powers out and they go to a sloppy double shoulder tackle spot. The crowd are really rabid, Piper unloads but Orndorff begins to no sell so Piper cleverly gets a sideheadlock takedown, Orndorff counters to a headscissor that he properly locks in before they go to a near fall exchange. Orndorff charges Piper and hits a flying cross body that sends both men crashing over the top rope.

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They brawl to the outside and Orndorff kills Piper with a mic stand and then throws Orndorff into the steps. The bell rings as Orndorff returns to the ring, Orndorff complains to the referee as Piper returns to the ring and kills Orndorff with a northern lariat and Piper then floors the referee and a wild brawl to the back follows.

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They lock up and Muraco tries to trip Piper straight away and the referee gets in Don's face. Piper takes a wild swing at Don and missess, the referees had enough and they agents throw Don out of the building. Bob Orton is shocked and Piper waves him good bye. Orton tries to sneak attack but Piper blcoks and unloads with a million punch flurry and a monster bulldog. Piper then bites Orton before a hard Irish whip sends Orton for a flip in the corner, he lands on his neck.

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Piper then hits a huge right hand that sends Orton flying onto the top rope, and eye poke from Piper sets up a running knee lift. Orton sees a back body drop coming and hits a running uppercut and a fist drop. Orton hits a stomp to the sternam and follows up with a gutbuster. Huge "Roddy" chant. Orton misses an elbow drop and Roddy hulks up but Jimmy Hart grabs Piper and holds him back. Piper dodges a right hand and Orton has to put the breaks on to avoid hitting Hart. Orton turns around and Piper slugs Orton sending him crashing into Hart and quick roll up gets the win.

Both men unload to start but Roddy reveals a hidden belt and he whips Adonis before choking Jimmy Hart with the belt. Adonis has the belt and he unloads on Piper to a round of boos. Piper comes back with a hard Irish whip and Adonis does a Flair flip to the outside. Piper drags both men into the ring as Adonis and Hart were holding hands. Piper gives them a noggin knocker before throwing Hart into Adonis knocking Adonis flying over the top rope. Piper then gives Adonis the million punch flurry before press slamming Jimmy Hart off top into Adonis in another really fun spot.

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Jimmy Hart trips Piper allowing Adonis to gain control and unload with big closeline. Adonis unloads with a series of bionic elbows. Adrain introduces Piper to the guard rail before unloading on Piper in the ring. Piper tells Adonis to bring it on as he hangs on the ropes, but before he can hulk up Jimmy Hart sprays something in Piper's eyes and Adonis locks Piper in the Sleeper hold. Piper tries to roll him off but it doesn't work as Adonis hangs on and Piper fades. Piper then tries to break it in the corner but he can't and he fades. Adonis has him but lets go of the hold thinking he's won and Piper with the help of Beefcake recovers while the heels celebrate. Piper kills Hart and then dodges a Scissors shot from Adonis before locking Adonis in the sleeper for the win.

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They do some really fun comedy stuff after the match and Roddy Piper gets a huge ovation in his fair well match. A fan runs into the ring and celebrates with Piper. Of course with wasn't hot Rod's last match.

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Haku sneak attacks Piper but Piper unloads with an insane flurry before closelining Haku over the top rope and hitting a Lou Thez press off apron and unloading before chasing Bobby Heenan all the way around in some great comedy stuff. Haku of course catches Piper with a closeline just as Heenan is about to get his. Back in the ring Haku scores with a reverse elbow and Haku follows that up with a shoulder breaker for a two count. Haku follows that up with a leg drop but the Swandive Headbutt misses. The crowd pop huge as Piper unloads and then scores with a farewell and a side belly to belly suplex gets the 1-2-3.

Rude jumps Piper as he enters the cage and unloads before scoring with some throat thrusts. Rude can't manage to throw Piper into the cage, Piper reverse an Irish whip and Rude takes a great bump into the steel cage. Piper then whips Rude with his belt as Rude attempts to climb out of the cage. Piper then hits Rude with a loaded right hand and then he bites Rick Rude. Rude has been busted wide open as the crowd chant for "Roddy".

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Rude tries to climb out but Piper pulls Rude casually off the cage before throwing Rude face first into the steel cage and telling Rude to kiss his arse. Piper gets distracted by Heenan, Rude then pulls Piper off the cage crotching him on the top rope. Rude then hits a knee to balls, Rude is selling like he's been wrestling for thirty minutes. Rude wants the door opened but Piper hangs onto his foot. Rude beats the crap out of Piper before going for a pin but Piper still won't let go of Rude's ankle. Piper and Heenan have a tug of war with Rick Rude. Rude is nearly out and Piper pulls him back in via the tights.

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Piper then unloads with a big flurry on Rude but Rude counters with a knee to the gut and hits the Rude Awakening out of nowhere. Rude doesn't get the cover and he tries to find the door but he's blinded by the blood in his eyes. Piper and Rude do some great near escapes exchanges before both men go to a collision spot.

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Both men begin to climb the side of the steel cage, side by side and both men straddle the top of the cage and brawl, they then climb down, Piper rams Rude into the cage and both men's feet hit the floor. The announcer announces that a match cannot end as a draw and the match must continue.

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Rude kills Piper with a steel chair and hits a body slam in the cage. He follows with a knee drop, Rude refuses to walk out the door and goes to the top of the cage and scores with a flying Knee drop from the top of the cage, which Piper sells brilliantly for a 2.99999! count. Rude is pissed off and scores with a piledriver and heads to the top of the cell again. Rude loses his footing and gets crotched, Piper climbs to meet him and hangs Rude in the tree of Woe ontop of the Cage. Piper goes for the door but Heenan slams the door shut on Piper's head. Rude gets the cover but only gets a nearfall.

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Rude hits a back suplex and Heenan hands Rude some brass knucks and he winds up a big right hand but Piper beats him to the punch with a big right hand and Rude drops the knucks. Piper picks them up and Piper kills Rude with a big right hand to a huge Pop and Piper says he's going out the door and he does.

We start the match with a iconic staredown until Piper spits his gum at Hennig and unloads with a big series of rights and lefts. Piper slugs Hennig down leading to another stand off. Hennig scores with some big knife edge chops but Piper returns fire with some of his own until Hennig takes a bump over the top rope. Piper pulls Perfect back in by his hair and then drags Hennig around the ring before scoring with a hair drag. Hennig goes for a low blow but Piper side steps it and Piper tosses Hennig flying over the top rope.

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Piper and Hennig brawl to the outside, Piper hits Hennig with a chair and Curt tries to walk back to the dressing room but Piper won't let him. Piper rips Curt's ring attire and throws him accross the ring. Piper gets right in Curt's face and scores with a cheeky eye poke. Piper dodges Curt's wild swings and hits a big right hand for a near fall. Perfect dodges a closeline and we go straight to a double closeline spot.

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Piper sits up first and he complains to the referee, Hennig tears off the top turnbuckle and slams Piper into the exposed turnbuckle which Piper ridiculously oversell. Hennig crawls over an gets a near fall and Piper does come great facial expresions. Piper scores with a big boot to the gut and then the standing dropkick sends Piper crashing to the outside.

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Hennig and Piper brawl around the outside and Curt introduces Piper to the guard rail before scoring with a big chop and a chair shot to the throat, Piper is down and out on the steps. The referee won't let Mr. Perfect climb the top rope for some reason. Piper crawls back to the ring and Curt unloads before locking Piper in the sleeper hold. Piper fades after a short fight, Hennig gets a series of near falls from within the sleeper, the crowd start a huge "Roddy" chant.

Piper fights up and out and breaks the hold with a jaw breaker and Hennig does a really funny sells. Curt goes for a vertical suplex but Piper falls ontop for a nearfall. Hennig gets a inside craddle for a near fall. Hennig and Piper then exchange knee lifts and both men are down. Curt scores with a big closeline on Roddy and Perfect says its over. Perfect goes for the Perfect Plex and scores with it but Piper kicks out at the very last minute and the crowd are shocked.

Piper gets a roll up of a nearfall and then charges but Hennig back body drops Piper to the outside. Hennig goes to the rope but Piper shakes the ropes and crotches Hennig on the top rope and the referee counts Hennig out for staying on top too long. They then have a great brawl arguing over the belt, with Hennig taking some great bumps.

Terry tries a sneak attack but JYD catches him coming in and then crotches Terry on the top rope and shakes the ropes. Terry has to bail to regain his composure. Funk returns to the ring and scores with a body slam but misses the elbow drop. JYD returns fire with a body slam of his own, and JYD then body slams Terry Funk over the top rope and Funk, nice spot. JYD hits a scoop slam and a headbutt and Funk has to bail as the huge "JYD" goes out.

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Terry returns to the ring, but JYD immediately chases Jimmy Hart around the ring, Funk tries to make the save but he runs straight into a back body drop. Funk unloads with a jab and haymaker combo for a near fall. Funk then slaps on a sleeper hold as the crowd start another huge "JYD" chant. JYD escapes and dodges a closeline before locking in a sleeper. JYD breaks the hold to go after Hart and that allows Funk to hit JYD in the back of the head with the Mega Phone for the win.

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We then go to a Funk promo from Funk before their famous "I quit" match, Funk said they only have one thing in common and that's the love of wrestling. Funk says he's not a quitter, Gerry Hart tells Funk to make sure he doesn't let Texas down, Funk says he won't and he doesn't want or need any help because he's the best in the world. Ric Flair then cuts a real money promo putting over just how embarsing it is to say "I quit" and how it could end Flair's career.

Terry gets on the microphone and asks Flair if he'd like to quit before the match starts. Flair looks pissed he dodges a closeline and hits a huge chop sending Funk flying over the top rope to the outside, huge pop. Funk is pissed a swings at fans in the crowd. Flair scores with some huge chops in the corner and follows it up with two hard Irish whips and a monster chop that drops Funk to his knees. Funk bails but Flair follows and whips him against the guard rails. Good intense start.

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Flair avoids a jab but he can't avoid a shoulderblock but Flair immediately gets a leg trip and then goes to a blantant choke. Funk brawls through and lays Flair on the apron and stomps down hard on Flair's head. Funk floors Flair with a big right hand and then a headbutt. Flair responds with a huge chop but Funk takes it and responds with a right hand and bionic elbow before sending Flair to the outside.

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Funk introduces Flair to the guard rail at ringside and Funk unloads on Flair against the rail, Funk asks Flair if he quits and hits him with the microphone but Flair responds with some huge right hands and chops. They return to the ring and Funk continues to unload from the ten punch positions and Funk demands the microphone, a demented Funk demands that Flair say it, Funk is insanely intense and demands that Flair say it but Ric responds with an inverted atomic drop and a big chop.

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Flair whips Funk and goes for a back body drop but Funk counters nicely with a swinging neck breaker. Funk has Flair on his knees and big slaps Flair around then in a great moment Flair grabs Funk by the throat and unloads knocking Funk through the ropes and then knocking him face first into the guard rail. Funk tries to escape into the crowd but Flair pulls him back in and unloads with some monsterous chops. The crowd are rabid for everything. Flair gets in Gary Harts face.

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Flair gets on the mic and bitch slaps Funk demanding that Funk quits. Hart distracts Flair allowing Funk to clobber Flair from behind. Funk then scores with a swingin neck breaker, Funk reminds Flair of his bad neck and asks "don't you wanna quit before I hurt you". Funk goes for a piledriver but Flair tries to fight it off but to no avail and Funk hits a nice piledriver and a leg drop but Flair won't quit. Funk pounds the crap out of Flair and talks trash.

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Funk tosses Flair to the outside hard and then takes him away from the safety mats and scores with a piledriver on the ramp way. The commentators are doing a brilliant job of selling the importance of the match to both men's legacy. Funk then nails Flair with the microphone before returning to the ring. Funk scores with a bionic elbow won't let Flair up. Funk takes Flair to the outside and body slams Flair on a table. Funk sets the table up upside down against the side of the ring. Flair fires back and throws Funk really hard head first into the table. Flair sets up the table against the guard rail. Funk tries to walk away but Flair dives on Funk sending him throat first into the guard rail. Flair then throws Funk across the table into a steel chair.

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Flair is allover Funk and he crotches him on the guard rail and then hits a huge chop. Flair returns to the ring and scores with his patterned knee drop. Funk struggles and crawls to his knees, Flair scores with a really good inverted atomic drop and Flair starts to work on the leg. He crushes the leg against the rope and Funk sells brilliantly, Flair unloads with a big Flair flurry but Funk will not fall down until Flair stomps on his leg and Funk crumbles. Funk crawls away and hops up the ramp. Flair charges and tackles Funk into the floor and then scores with a running knee breaker on the outside.

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Flair then hits a really nice hanging vertical suplex from the apron. Flair goes for the figure four but Terry blocks and rakes the eyes. Funk goes for a suplex but Flair counters and suplexes Funk onto the apron. Ric slams Funk's leg on the apron, Funk swings wildly and Flair hits a monsterous chop, another wild swing another huge chop, one more and then Flair sweeps the leg and locks Terry Funk in the Figure Four. Funk says "NEVER, NEVER" but then starts screaming about his leg and eventually has to say "Yes, I quit". After the match Funk agrees to shake Flair's hand. Funk and Flair then kick the crap out of Gary Hart.

They lock up and Funk powers Steamboat into the ropes and neither man will release and Nick Patrick has to sandwich himself in between to break them up. Funk unloads on the corner with some huge chops and clubs but Steamboat isn't giving up an inch and fires back with two huge chops. Steamboat unloads with a series of bitch slaps and chops at lightening speed and Funk has to bail to regain his composure. Funk scores with two big shoulder tackles but Steamboat responds with a double chop and a pair of nice dropkicks sending Funk to the outside. Funk sits on the floor locking pissed off.

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Funk returns to the ring and unloads with a Funk flurry sending Steamboat to the outside. Steamboat still won't back down unloading with a series of chops, Steamboat then throws Funk hard into the guard rail before returning to the ring. Funk gets a double leg takedown a mount and unloads on Steamboat, Funk then scores with a brutal hangman's neck breaker and he jumps on a seat Steamboat in a brutal spot for a near fall. Funk unloads on Steamboat with some big slugs and chops but Steamboat still keeps firing back with the big chops. Steamboat then gets a hard Irish whip and Funk takes a scary looking Funk flip to the outside.

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Steamboat goes to the top turnbuckle but Funk walks away but stupidly walks back into a flying karate chop. Steamboat carries Funk in a body slam all the way around the ring and body slams Funk hard on the outside before returning to the ring. Steamboat then lifts Flair and body slams Funk over the top rope to the outside in a nice spot. That was two very unique and impressive spots in a row.

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Dragon charges Funk but runs straight into a big boot and Funk begins to unload with a series of rights and then a pair of big chops before hitting a nice running back elbow. Funk then scores with the piledriver and that looked brutal but it only gets a nearfall. Steamboat is pissed and scores with some big chops but Funk gives Steamboat a hard Irish whip into the referee and then a hard Irish whip where Steamboat bumps over the top rope. Funk then scores with his running/walking piledriver on the outside.

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Funk then scores with a hanging vertical suplex to bring Steamboat into the ring. Funk gets the referee and gets two count and Funk can't believe it. Funk mounts Steamboat and punches the holy hell out of Ricky Steamboat, with brutal right hands. Funk goes up top for the big splash but Steamboat gets the knees up and the crowd go nuts.

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Steamboat gets a big gut punch, a pair of them and Funk just crumbles, Steamboat then hits a really nice gut buster and goes up top and plays to the crowd before scoring with a karate chop and then an enzenguri to the back of the head sends Funk to the outside. Funk grabs a microphone and hits Steamboat in the head for a DQ and he beats the crap out of Steamboat.

Funk poses in the crowd and Tully has had enough and unloads on Funk outside the ring. Blanchard scores with a slingshot knee drop and a nice vertical suplex, Funk bumps through the middle ropes and they brawl at ringside until Funk scores with a stalling atomic drop sending Tully into the steel guard rail. They return to the ring and Funk scores with a neck breaker for a near fall. Funk then throws Tully onto the ramp and they brawl until Funk slugs him off the apron. Funk then rips a peice of the stage off and nails Tully with it before Piledriving Tully through a peice of the stage. Funk follows that up with a DDT on the ramp. Funk gives Tully a head butt on the ramp and plays to the crowd as they chant "we want blood".

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Tully returns to the ring and gives Tully Blanchard another piledrive and goes for a moonsault but Tully rolls out the way a the last moment. Tully comes back and unloads with a series of clubbing blows, Funk tries to fire back but Tully cuts him off with the knees but Funk throws Tully into the referee and sets up a chair in the corner of the ring. Funk puts Tully on the top rope and goes for a super pile driver but Tully kicks him off and they both fall awkwardly onto the chair and Funk unloads. Tully kicks the referee in the balls and Funk unloads on Tully with the branding iron as the referee throws the match out and destroys Hat guys hat at ringside. Funk goes insane.

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