Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

They open with a history package that's actually pretty nice and makes the current product look very dynamic, perhaps most interesting now I bet to newer fans, not that anyone orders these things, that the Hogan footage looks like a big deal. They ruin it with a silly skit with a Tiger Woods look alike being nailed by Jeff with a guitar and then were live in Music City for there fifth year celebration with the lo cash cowboys and big pyro and the crowd go suitably nuts.

LAX come out and I realize Konnan is with them and realise I've download the wrong bloody slammiversary.....boy do I feel like a tit, okay I'll download the correct one. Let's make pretend this never happened......

We start with a Memphis themed opening where they run down the card its actually pretty cool, especially the knock out section. Okay first thought, I know he was fueding with Booker for a while but why the fuck is Robert Roode in the King Of The Mountian Match? It's year number six for TNA who'd of thunk it.

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Note to Don West, don't try and talk over the pyro retard.

Petey is wearing a face guard to cover up a broken orbital bone. Kaz front flips out of an arm wringer, they trade arm wrenches until Kaz gets a clever pin for nothing. Kaz gets a couple of arm drags and a cross body for two. They lamely trade pins and then both take turns blocking each others finishers and then Kaz gets the seated turnbuckle dropkick. Kaz gets a spinning heel kick and a springboard leg drop for two. Rhaka Kahn gets in Kaz's face allowing Petey to score with a swinging DDT off the apron. Petey scores with a chest first hard Irish whip and Petey plays to the crowd. Petey scores with a really tight spinning heel kick and its more posing. Petey does some pedestrain work, Petey runs into a roll up in the corner. Kaz gets another roll up and Petey shoots Kaz to the outside, that looked terrible, but Petey makes up for it with the plancharanna. Petey scores with a back breaker and a neck breaker for two, the crowd are really into this show. Petey argues with the ref. Petey gets an arm breaker. "Let's Go Petey/Let's Go Kaz" with Petey getting bigger cheers. Petey gets a snap suplex and a arm scissors and face lock. Don West says Petey is wrestling like Scott Stiener, Scott fucking wishes. Kaz botches a flip over Petey and scores with with a diving Yakuza kick. Both men are down and the crowd are even big into the count. Petey misses a closeline and Kaz unloads. Kaz scores with a flying forearm and a back elbow. Kaz scores with the Harlem Spine Buster. Kaz dodges Petey and scores with a slingshot DDT for two. Kaz slingshot's Petey in and changes up to an ace crusher in mid air for two, really nice spot. "This is Awesome" nah this is pretty good. Petey gets a dropkick to the back and the Petey Pump Russian Legsweep. Kaz blocks a Canadian Destroyer and Petey ends up scoring with a bearhug DDT that was absolutely brutal for a near fall. Petey goes up top and Kaz gives him an Enzenguri and Kaz goes for the Flux Capacitor but Petey fights it off and goes for the Destroyer, its blocked and Petey gets an arm wringer onto the top rope. Kaz counters the Petey Sweep into a backslide, Petey counters to the Destroyer but Kaz counters to a reverse tombstone for a near fall. Kahn comes in and Kaz kills her with a brutal Yakuza kick that was fucking cool. Scott gives Petey the pipe he nails Kaz in the head and it only gets a near fall. Kaz has done a monster blade job, Petey counters a roll up into the Sharp Shooter but Kaz breaks it, Kaz counters an Oklahoma roll into a Wave Of the Future for a near fall! Scott gets in Kaz's way so Kaz Yakuza kicks him off the apron, Kaz goes for a sunset flip but Petey counters into the Canadian Destroyer for the win.

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Post match Stiener beats the crap out of Kaz complaining he can't get a title shot, and says if he can't have one he'll make sure Kaz doesn't make his. Abyss music hits and he gives Petey a black hole slam, he gives Scott one and he thinks about gives Kahn a choke slam but lets her go and instead gives her a blackhole slam. More man on Woman violence, TNA have a real problem.

Eric Young says he's found Elvis and has a seat reserved for him.

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We then go to a video on Kevin Nash in his roll as special enforcer and whether he's with Joe or not. He says he's got alot of stock invested in Joe, he says if Nash loses his introuble but if Joe wins he cashes in big.

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We go to a nice hype video on the Knockout division (best booked division in wrestling) and then we go to clips of Graceland.

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Man Velvet Sky is hot I know I say this everytime I see her but damn. She should really tone down the make up though. The beautiful People are great heels.

Sky and Love run away leaving Moose to be attacked by all three baby faces. Roxxi gets an arse thump, ODB gets a Stinger splash and Gail Kim gets a Hair slam. The beautiful people try and walk off but Kim and ODB attack them and brawl on the apron. Roxxi absolutely unloads on Moose but Love trips Roxxi and Moose scores with a flap jack. Sky tags in and she unloads from a mount. Sky gets a spinal tag and Love follows up with a seated dropkick. Love unloads with a girly flurry. Moose unloads with a knee strike combo and follows up with a fireman's carry spinning neckbreaker. Sky applies an Octopus stretch and she bites the hand, Sky rolls into a sunset flip but Roxxi kills her with a running kick. Kim in, she closelines down Sky. Sky misses a blind charge, Kim floors everyone and scores with a flying crossbody for two. Love trips Kim to stop her momentum and works her injured leg on the apron. Sky works over the leg of Kim. Kim scores with a nice counter package for two. Love tags in. Love takes down the knee pad and drops elbows on the knee. She works over the leg on the ropes in a variety of ways. Love plays to the crowd then kicks out Gail's leg and locks in a half boston crab. Gail nearly makes the ropes but Moose and Sky pull the ropes away and Love moves her back to the centre. Eventually Gail makes it to the ropes the otherside. Moose tags in with the Indian deathlock with a bridge into a surfboard but ODB breaks it. "ODB" chant, Moose locks in the stretch muffler but Kim makes the ropes and uses them to work into a ranna, nice spot. Kim misses an Enzeguri but kicks off Moose and HOT TAG. ODB cleans house. Closeline for Moose, Fallaway slam and kip up for Love, ODB gets the Whisky mist and the burning crotch pin, Love makes the save, big brawl and ODB scores with the Oklahoma Stampede for the win.

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We then go to a video followed by a sit down interview where he says he's all about second chances and this is his time to get back to the top of the ladder.

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Devon and Hernandez start the match, the lock up is a draw. Devon unloads, "We Want Tables" chant, Hernandez dodges a closeline and scores with a flying shoulder tackle. Closeline shoulder charge combo in the corner from LAX. Hernandez scores with a butterfly strike and Ray tags in. Ray powers Homicide to the corner and calls him a small man, Homicide arm drags him and says Ray has a small dick. Ray gets a snapmare and a neck whip, nice from Ray. Ray gets a body slam but misses the elbow drop and Homicide gets an arm drag. Homicide tries a monkey flip but Ray blocks it and puts Homicide on the top rope and Homicide scores with a torpedo dropkick. Homicide whips Devon into a slingshot shoulderblock from Hernandez. 3D go to the outside and Hernandez gets the big diving splash to the outside, and Homicide scores with the suicide tope. Homicide goes up top but Devon shoves him off top with a front flip sell to outside. Ray then kicks Selinas and Hector "GobbledyGooker" Guerrero. Back in, Devon scores with the spinning back elbow. 3D pound down Homicide in the corner. Ray gets a snapmare and chinlock. Homicide fights out but runs into a side walk slam. Ray plays to the crowd. "3D sucks" chant. Devon gets a body slam but misses the diving head butt. HOT TAG but the ref never saw it. 3D beat the absolute shit out of Homicide in the corner and Ray mocks the crowd. Ray then gets the pan hands in the corner. Devon puts Homicide on the top rope but Homicide blocks the superplex and scores with a second rope jaw breaker. Hernandez finally gets in. Body slam for ray, one for Devon too. Closeline on Ray, stalling suplex on Devon, that was impressive. Stinger splash, hip toss and closeline on Ray. Homicide tags in and scores with the flying crossbody for two. Ray whips Homicide to the outside. Team 3Dget the What's Up Drop but Homicide breaks it up shoving Devon off top. Selinas and Hernandez get the What's Up Drop on Ray. Hector takes out Johnny Devine. Devon gets a corner closeline on Homicide and he puts Homicide on top. Hernandez takes Devon off on his shoulders and he scores with the Gringo Cutter Device. Hernandez gets a spine buster big splash combo for the 1-2-the ref is pulled out! Homicide misses a suicide dive on Devon. Team 3D set up the 3D but Homicide sneaks in and rolls up Ray for the win.

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We get a nice package and promo from Roode establishing why he's in the match adn what he has to prove.

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Kong has to choose between Serena and Josie, they pick Serena whos a hot "mixed Martial Artist".

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Serena does a cute little fight pose, Serena tries a takedown but gets flung off, She uses the powers of MMA to apply a girly sleeper, Kong slams her down hard. To the outside and Kong gives her the giant swing into the guard rail, she then introduces her into steel steps. Kong then shoves over Josie at ringside. Kong hits a clumsy puch and kicks around Serena like a bitch. Kong scores with the implant buster for the win.

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Kong then challenges Josie to a match and she's ready to go.

Josie gets a bitch slap and unloads on Kong but Kong comes back and throws her into the guard rail and gets a knife edge chop, Kong hits the ringpost by mistake. Josie dodges a load of closelines. Josie tries to catch Kong coming into the ring but Kong kills her with a back hand strike. Kong gets a corner closeline and the Awesome Bomb for the win.

To continue the silliness Eric Young brings out Elvies and of course its an impersonator who dances in the ring and cuts a promo while Kong stands in back. The King wants to know how Kong enjoyed visiting his house and Kong delivers a brutally semi fucked up Awesome Bomb.

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Next its Christian's turn for a promo, he says a cheesey line from a movie to explain his motivation, I lose my sound, I comeback and he say he misses his title, he says the Peeps know he's the most qualified. His motivation is not to be recognised as the best anymore, its to have is name eched in the history books.

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We then go back to the video story of Jay Lethal and Val and Dutt.

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The ring is all weddinged up, and we have a real looking Priest. We then get the groomsmen, American Idol finalist Ace Young, Kamala (Kamala in a suit equals Ratings), Jake The Snake Roberts, Koko B. Ware with Frankie (he massively botches getting into the ring) and Goerge The Animal Steele. (he's fully in gimmick or is insane). We then get the maid of honour and Sonjay Dutt. Dutt is throwing Rice and is dressed ridiculously funny in silly Indian attire. Lethal is out next in Gold and White half ring attire half tuxedo. Val comes out looking pretty but in a rather old school wedding dress, she sells like she's scared of Kamala. They go straight to the objections, the camera goes on Sonjay but he says nothing. We go to the vows, Jay says "I do", when it gets to Val, Sonjay jumps in, Jay thinks he's concerned about him, Dutt confesses his undying love for Val. The crap Jay says in the back ground is hilarious, Jay confronts Dutt as Val cries but Dutt kills Lethal with a wedding prop. Ace Young tries to make the save but Dutt kills him to a big pop. Koko and Kamala kick the crap out of Sonjay Dutt. Jake gets Damien and runs off Sonjay as Goerge the Animal Steele eats the ringpost as Lethals music plays. Koko trashes the set, I'm worried about poor Frankie.

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It's Booker's turn for a sit down. Booker says he's bitter because TNA beg him to sign, they promised him the world, all the money. Booker did his bit, TV ratings are up, PPV buys are up, more people are watching, is he having a laugh. He said when it came to get paid he got a locker room that smelled of Elephant Urine. Basically he wants the title and power so he can change the equaliberium of TNA. He said in the WWE he was dictated to, but not here in TNA he will reached for the brass ring, people will bow down and pray to him, the TNA World Champion.

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They lock up and go straight to the corner for a clean break. Kurt grabs a leg and gets a wrestling takedown and schools AJ in the waist lock. Kurt gets a headlock takedown, AJ shoots him of but Kurt gets a shoulder block, AJ replies with two arm drags and a spinning arm drag sends Kurt bailing to the outside. Kurt gets a pair of european uppercuts but AJ replies with a beautiful dropkick and the crowd come to life. AJ explodes and kicks the crap out of Kurt before playing to the crowd. Kurt misses a blind charge and goes shoulder first into the ring post, AJ gets the springboard flying forearm for two. Kurt gets a back elbow and AJ takes a nice bump through the middle ropes. Tomko walks toward AJ so Earl Hebner throws Tomko out. While that's happening Kurt introduces AJ to the steel guard rail and security come out and demand that Tomko leave. AJ knocks Kurt off the apron and scores with the perfect front flip dive to the outside for two. AJ scores with a back breaker for two. AJ scores with a body slam and the Styles knee drop gets two. "Let's Go AJ/Angle" chant. Kurt sees a back body drop coming and gets a big over the shoulder toss. Kurt does it again while playing to the crowd Kurt locks in a hard side headlock. "Angle Sucks" chant. Kurt gives AJ a couple of hard face first mat slams. Kurt unloads from a mount and its back to the chinlock. AJ tries to fight out but runs into the overhead release belly to belly suplex. Kurt scores with a vertical suplex for a series of twos. Kurt goes to a nice camel clutch, AJ is bleeding from the nose. AJ fights out but Kurt runs right in with the kitchen sink. Kurk scores with a nice looking back breaker for two. Great selling on display by AJ. Kurt scores with some uppercuts in the corner and Kurt bitch slaps AJ. Kurt puts AJ on top and unloads, AJ does some great selling. AJ blocks the super plex, and scores with a super front suplex, nice spot and good struggle to set it up, it looked absolutely brutal from the reverse angle. Slugfest, Kurt gets a big European uppercut but runs into a roundhouse kick, AJ gets two closelines and a brutal spinning gutbuster for two. AJ gets the suplex neckbreaker spot for two. Kurt comes back with a hard Irish whip and the multiple german suplexes, brilliant sells from AJ, Aj counters the third and gets a realese German suplex and Kurt does the back flip sell. AJ misses the discus punch and returns the favour with the release German suplex for two. AJ explodes with an enzenguri and both men are down. Kurt catches a Stinger splash and gives AJ a release German Suplex into the turnbuckle for two. Kurt calls for the Angle Slam, AJ counters nicely into a DDT and that gets a near fall! AJ goes for the Clash but Kurt counters but AJ counters the counter to a sunset flip Kurt rolls through into the Ankle lock and AJ rolls him off into a turnbuckle. AJ explodes with the backflip inverted DDT for a near fall! AJ goes up and Kurt burst up top with the Super Angle Slam for two. Angle takes the straps down. AJ rolls through on the Ankle lock for two. AJ scores with the Pele out of nowhere for a near fall when Kurt gets his hand on the rope! AJ goes for the Clash but Kurt nicely counters to the Ankle Lock, Kurt pulls AJ back to middle away from the ropes. AJ kicks off Kurt and the ref gets bumped (ARGH!). AJ scores with the kip up ranna and it sends Kurt to the outside. Karen Angle appears looking hot with a steel chair and pretends to give Kurt the chair but instead distracts him so AJ can do the roll up into the Styles Clash for the win.

Joe's promo is up next. The video package is nice and Joe doesn't shout. Lauren asks if he's been trying to make a difference. He said once upon a time, it was mano a mano, but now its all about the oppurtunist, the politicitian but he's changed all that. He said he's gonna walk in there and beat his opponent into the ground. The history books will not say Joe's the fatest, nor the strongest but they will say he fought hardest to get the title and to keep it. He will lead a new band of wrestlers, he is Samoa Joe and he is pro Wrestling. Oh God if this means a friggin Millionares club angle is coming I'll be sick.

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The pre main event videos for the match and the contestants are over the top but very well done

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We get mild chants for Joe and Cage, the crowd are dead. Everyone brawls to start, Joe gets a jab flurry on Book. Cage works Roode on the outside. Book and Joe exchange chops in the ring and then outside the ring. Roode is introduced to the ladder. In the ring, Cage and Rhino get a double hip toss, while Joe chops the crap out of Book. Rhino gets the shoulder charge in the corner on Roode. Rhino and Cage get the double suplex. Cage is looking for the frog splash and Book shoves him to the outside and he takes a nasty bump with his knee hitting the apron. Book gets the arm wrench and side kick on Rhino for two. Rhino aviods a scissor kick and Booker blocks a gore with a knee, Rhino then closelines Booker over the top rope. Joe and Rhino hook it up, Joe gets an inverted atomic drop, the yakuza kick and the sloppy senton back splash. Joe dodges a splash from Roode non chalance, Joe unloads with the front and back chops and the knee drop for two. Christian blocks Roode's Fisherman's suplex attempt and scores with an implant DDT. Joe gets the slap combo and the corner closeline and the spining enzengurin. Cage blocks the muscle buster but runs into a snap powerslam, Booker then runs into a snap powerslam. Joe runs into a boot and then gets nailed with a spinning back elbow. Cage bitch slaps Joe and counters a ten punch putting Cage in the tree of woe. Samoa Joe then gets a diving Yakuza kick. Joe tries a dive but Booker pulls him to the outside and he unloads on Joe and introduces him to the penalty box and the announce table. Rhino runs straight into a Book End and that's our first pin fall. Booker is Elligable, Rhino is in the Penalty box for two minutes.

Book shoves Nash and takes the belt and ladder. Joe won't let Book grab the ladder so Book slugs him down. Joe and Book battle over the ladder and Cage baseball slides the ladder into both men. Roode comes out of nowhere with a block buster for two. Rhino is released. Cage blocks a piledriver and catapults Roode out of the ring. Cage and Rhino high five and then go to work. Rhino blocks the unprettier and Cage flips out of the back suplex, Rhino sets up a Gore but Joe trips him and crotches Rhino on the ringpost. Joe then gives Cage the STJoe. Joe then hits the corkscrew plancha onto Book, Roode and Rhino on the outside. Cage then follows up with a flying cross body from the penalty box. Terrible camera work. Cage then grabs a table and sets it up at ringside. Cage kills Joe with the ladder. Roode hits Cage who's holding the ladder with a chair and that gets a three count. Roode is Elligable and Cage is in the penalty box. Roode asks for the belt and Rhino gets school boy for three. Rhino is Elligable and Roode is in the penalty box. Roode won't go so Kevin Nash forces him into the box. Booker shoves Rhino off the top of the ladder. Joe dodges a scissor kick and locks Booker in the clutch Cage is then released and Cage comes off the top of the penalty box with a frog splash onto both men and scores the pin on Book. Cage is Elligable, Book is in the penalty box. Roode stop Cage and climbs the ladder, Joe gives Roode a german suplex off the ladder, he then gives Cage an ace crusher off the top of the ladder. Rhino scores with a Gore on Joe. Everyone is down as Booker is released from the box. Book snatches the belt from Nash and floors Nash with it, he then nails absolutely everyone brutally with the belt. Book poses and then goes for the belt but Nash comes back in and gives Booker a Jackknife powerbomb. Cage blocks a muscle buster landing on the apron, Rhino then gores Cage off the apron through the table. Roode nails Joe with the Northern Lariat, Roode then knocks Rhino off top to the outside. Joe gives Roode the enzenguri and the muscle buster on Robert Roode for the pin and he climbs the ladder for the win.

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