Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

Album number two of ten is (drum roll please).......

Iced Earth – The Crucible Of Man

Well where to start with this one, well the opener probably makes sense, and intro In Sacred Flames will have your eyes rolling and will make you chuckle a little. It’s very silly, a gothic female choir with a soft plucked guitar in the back ground with some deep male tones over the top. It’s the kind of thing you’d expect to see in a Dracula movie as he sails across the ocean from Transylvania to New York as the sea thrashes and the Dark Lord awakes. An opener should set the tone for the album, and this certainly does as a dark rock opera commences. Furthermore the ideal, opener should either be completely immediate, knock your socks, grab you by the balls and have your full attention or it should be highly pretentious. In Sacred Flames succeeds in two of these regards it’s pretentious and sets the tone. Why spend this long on a throw away 1:38 opener? Because it gives away exactly what is to come, and leaves one question in mind, we know the albums going to be an hour of gothic operatic hard rock but will it be contemporary? Will Iced Earth have evolved? Are Iced Earth relevant any more?

The answer is a resounding no. This album was realised in 2008 and had I not known this when I downloaded it, nothing accept the high production values would lead me to think this was remotely contemporary. The scene has simply moved on, and they have done little to take the throne and reign as the modern Operatic Metal kings. Children Of Bodom, Him and even Evanescence have little to fear from this effort. Some tracks on The Crucible of Man are simply cringe inducing, A Gift Or A Curse is laugh out loud ridiculous, singing in the South Park parody Metal tonnes the lead singer powers out “I’ve Got A Heavy Burden” over a soft backing, and it doesn’t sound like metal legends it sounds like the slow bit in Warrior’s of The World by Manowar, yes it’s that bad. “I believe in the prophecy...and I know I possess the strength” you get the idea. However when Iced Earth fall back on their Thrashier sound things do pick up even in a track so lost in its own pomp as this.

Okay so contemporary, relevant, influential it ain’t but is The Crucible of Man any good? Well musically Iced Earth sound in good nick. There sound is very sharp and crisp, the guitars trash and gallop with great bluster despite a lack of original thinking. The lead singer is in good voice, and there is some nice drumming splattered throughout. Lyrically the band just lean to far towards parody , they seem to have little interesting to say about human nature or the world today, it feels tired. It’s a shame really because it’s clear Iced Earth have a very good ear for musical arrangements and melody, none of the songs sound awful or offensive to the ear drums, its all pretty pleasant if embarrassing listen. None of the tracks are poorly put together or bland, they simply stand out in the wrong way, and get lost in their own ludicrous huff and puff. They should have taken a page from Maiden’s book, there last album went prog metal, still sounded dated but was so musically tight and interesting it overcame its own irrelevance. Iced Earth could have easily achieved this they have talent and could have put out a album that said the Grandads of Metal still rock. However while this album will please die hards it’ll have newcomers wondering while they don’t just shut up and stick to touring.

I Walk Alone is a perfect example of what’s wrong with the album, the drumming fires like controlled burst from an AK-47, the guitars chugs and then swore majestically, and the lyrics although silly seem under control, so far so good. Unfortunately then the chorus kicks in, and it just ruins the song, the band bellow out as one “Man Kind’s Dishonesty, Lays Them To Waste, I Will Divide, I Will Lay Them To Waste, I Walk Alone” and it kills the song stone dead. Just as your head was starting to get into the track your eyes suddenly roll. It’s a fun track and very catchy, but you won’t be playing it to a group of your mates, because you’ll look like a total deuche. There’s nothing wrong with a guilty pleasure but you’ll be looking over your shoulder making sure none of your mates see you singing along or god forbid your girl friend catches you listening to it, it’s totally unjustifiable.

The lowest points on the album though, are the slow tracks, or anything with an emotional intro its just terrible and under no circumstances can be taken seriously Harbinger of Fate actually manages to beat the afore mentioned A Gift Or Curse in the cringe inducing stakes. By track nine your seriously questioning whether the singer is singing in this tone as a joke or not, because he must realise how silly it all sounds. Actually what am I saying, he’s probably seeing the dollar signs in his eyes, he’ll play to 90, 000 people anywhere in central Europe or Scandinavia. Why try and evolve when you’ve got a guaranteed cash cow? Jack Black must be licking his lips Iced Earth are giving him plenty of ammunition for the next Tenacious D album.

The real problem with the album with the album is the length, fifteen tracks, seven of which clock in at over four minutes. It’s too long, do really need two long insipid fantasy ballads, I’ll answer that for you, no, no we don’t, we hardly needed one. It becomes a slog to get through the album. Iced Earth are simply too prolific for there own good.

Overall Thoughts: Iced Earth aren’t relevant, but still have ideas, still have talent, and clearly still like to play. What Iced Earth really need is a good producer and Editor, to help them balance out their craft better. First off, this album should be split in two, and released in two separate sections a year or so apart. There’s literally two of everything on this album. Were this album a concise seven track operatic metal romp it could be a lot of fun. A reminder of what they can do, and would set them up for two world tours. As it is this is a bloated beast of self parody.

By the half hour point the listener has stopped having fun and starts to reflect on what he’s listening to and how over the top and ludicrous it is. The sad thing is it doesn’t need to be, a good producer will some balls would tell them when there going over the top because there are several tracks that are going alone nicely as solid operatic trash romps but suddenly a second chorus or a four man sing along comes from no where and just turns the track into a joke. The Crucible Of Man will gain Iced Earth no new fans, but probably won’t lose them any either, playing it safe never sounded so stupid. (**)

Tracks To Download: Divide and Devour, Behold The Wicked Child, I Walk Alone

Gareth’s Professional Opinion:

Iced Earth are an American Power/Thrash metal band that manage to also combine elements of prog and operatic metal. A band that feels like it’s been going since time and memorial, twenty four years in actuality, The Crucible of Man is the tenth studio album to be released by the band.

O.K so the big secret, I’ve never actually been into Iced Earth. Yeah, shock horror. To be honest I’ve never particularly been into power metal in any form really. That said I know good guitar playing and musicianship generally when I hear it, and Iced Earth certainly know how to play. Their earlier albums have set the bar in terms of speed and technical guitar playing. However this does somewhat sound like an album too far. Firstly it’s pretty slow, certainly no danger of breaking the speed limit here. Secondly, and this is a bit of a killer, there is absolutely nothing monumentally memorable on this album. Simply put it sounds incredibly passé. I honestly get the feeling even now that Iron Maiden can do this sort of stuff in their sleep. Tracks like The Revealing are good, catchy tracks, but you come away from this entire release feeling strangely cheated. Iced Earth fans are going to love it of course, but for the rest of us it’s merely an average release from a band that’s musically capable of an awful lot more. Lastly, and this is merely a personal quibble, I’ve always found their lyrics bordering on the laughable. One final note in case I’ve come across as being overly mauling of the band, Iced Earth are awesome live. But I think even they’d struggle to make this album sound particularly exciting, which is a shame really.

Conclusion: Album too far for a musically talented band that have run into a seriously bad patch of mediocrity. 5.5/10

Download: Sacrificial Kingdoms, The Revealing, Divide and Devour