Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

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Taz and Fonzie open the show. Taz is talking about wrestlers signing contract for a special event. he says fuck Paul E he's gonna ruin the big suprise. He said so what that he's a lie and he reneged on a deal with Paul E and his boy so "Sue me bitch". Taz says he garentees that he will be the main event of his big event against your boy, he will have no choice after tonight, he garentees it, garen-fucking-tees it. The crowd chant "Sabu fears Taz", Taz says Fuck you suddenly your on my side, he talks about Sabu walking out but the crowd chants "Fuck you Taz" so Taz says fuck that and says this is his domain, he gets Fonzie to blow his whistle and gives the mic to Gertner and says have your November to Fucking Remember. Well that was a fun opening segment, back when Taz was a legit bad arse not the pussyhole on Smackdown.

The bWo come out, Meanie, Nova and Stevie run through there shtick, the crowd chant "BWO" then "You fat fuck" at meanie. Stevie informs us that the bWo are taking over, starting another round of "bWo" chanting. Apparently they had to turn down an award show with Billionare Ted to come to this oversized welfare office, the crowd applaude. His question to Davey Jericho when the bWo send your punk arse back to WCW.

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They lock up and Stevie powers him to the corner and gives Jericho a little bitch slap. Joey Styles rips on Kevin Nash on commentary. They trade hammerlocks and Davey grabs a headlock and they go to a wrestling sequence with Davey getting two and giving Stevie the finger. Davey gets a school boy for two. Davey gets on the mic and calls Stevie "the gayest looking son of a bitch I've ever seen in my life". Davey gets a back body drop, an arm drag, a Japanese arm drag and a dropkick. Stevie replies with the Nash elbows and a knife edge chop. Davey comes back with a hard Irish whip a knee to the wang and a testicular claw tossing Richards to the outside and he follows up with a diving press from the top rope to the outside. He then gives Richard's a spring board closeline on the apron and a slingshot into the ring. Davey gets a springboard leg drop for two. Davey tease the groin stomp and delivers and then locks in a bost crab but Stevie makes the ropes. This guy is literally pounding on Stevie's wang. Davey unloads with some chops and a wang shot. Stevie comes back with a huge diving kick to the wang drawing a "bWo" chant. Stevie teases a Jacknife and instead scores wtih a punt to the groin. Stevie scores with the side walk slam and that gets two. Joey Styles makes even more fun of Nash as Stevie misses a dropkick. Davey gets a hard Irish whip but Stevie rebounds into a Diamond cutter for two. "DDP" chant. Davey tries a sunset flip but Stevie sits on him for two. Stevie follows up with a running lariat. "Jacknife" chant from the crowd. Davey counters a back body drop into the most brutally fucked up Pedigree move ever dumping Stevie right on his head. Davey gets a spinning frankenstiener but Davey drops himself on his head and the crowd chant "you fucked up" that got two by the way. Stevie then counters a back body drop with a Stevie Bomb for a near fall! Stevie then cues up the band but Davey drops low and gets a mega low blow for two. Stevie dodges a closeline and nails the superkick for the win.

Axl stomps away on Myers as he tries to enter the ring. The crowd chant shit all over his offence. We then get the "Shah" punches. This amounts to unimaginitive brawling if your not familar with the work or lack there of of Hack Myers. There's more "Shah" offence outside the ring including a chair shot. We then get some "shit" offence from Rotten, and the crowd have never been so apt in there life. Rotten introduces Myers to the ringpost and then hits Myers in the back with a steel chair. Myers reverse a whip sending Rotten into the guard rail and he follows up with a chair shot. Back in the ring and Myers gets a chair shot. Myers runs into a boot with a chair but when Axl tries to strike Myers slugs him down with a chair that gets two. We then get the Shah leg drop and Myers tries the facebuster but Axl shoves him off top into the chair and then Axl gets the ring with a pedigree on a chair.

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They brawl to start until Buh Buh gets a hard Irish whip and a bulldog. Ray gets a ten punch in the corner. Devon replies with a short arm closeline. "Devon sucks, dick" chant. Devon gets a scoop slam and a headbutt. Devon scores with a back body drop. Devon charges but Ray low bridges Devon and he flies to the outside. Ray whips Devon into the steel guard rails. Ray gets some lame offence until Devon comes back with a leap frog and a reverse DDT for two. Devon then tosses Ray. Devon whips Ray into the gaurd rail and he takes an impressive bump into the crowd. Ray misses with a stop sign in a comedy moment, but he gets him second time of asking and he follows up with a stiff chair shot to make up for it. There brawling in the crowd, well it is 96 when this was "cool" although i wish it never had been. Brawling in the crowd is just intolerably awful TV. Devon hits Ray with a Ukelale I have never had to write that before. Mercifully they make it back to ringside Devon hits Ray with a chair shot. Do ECW fans never get tired of chair shots? Anyway Devon hangs around on the top rope for no apparently reason until Ray lumbers up and gives him superplex. Ray goes for the Buh Buh Bomb and scores but it only gets two in a moment of appalling refereeing. Ray goes to the second rope and misses a splash or Headbutt he hardly made it half the way there. Devon goes up top while Ray lounges around and gets the diving headbutt for a near fall! Oh have Mercy as the Dude would say let this end. Seemingly out of Devon out of ideas goes to a choke. A small "this match sucks" chant, I concure. Devon holds a chair and makes fun of ray, this goes on for a while, Devon gets a bitch slap and makes the Devon death sign. Ray blocks the chair shot and the chair goes out of the ring. Ray misses a closeline but Devon runs into a Buh Buh Cutter (farewell into a ace crusher) for the win.

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Joel Gertner takes the mic and declares Devon the winner. He says the match was over way before Ray attempted his mediocre pinfall attempt, Devon won on points. Joel tries to announce the winner but Gertner tells him to get his huge body out the way, fat boy. Ray tries to attack Gertner but Axl runs in with the chair. Spike runs in and gives Devon the Acid Drop. Axl comes back with a diving closeline and the heels lay the chairs and boots in. Gertner's kicks are comedically weak. Big Dick Dudley comes from the back and Devon and Axl runs away. Gertner poses to the camera with his back to Big Dick Dudley. Ray recovers and tells Gertner to turn around, Joel does a great sell and he gets a bitch slap from Ray. Ray scoop slams Joel and Big Dick Dudley scores with a sick moonsault landing head first on Joel's gut. Fun, Fun, Fun segment. Especailly when Big Dick came out, very predictable but who cares.

Its a brawl to start, what else? Saturn gets a spinning back kick and we have a stand off. Sabu dives for Saturn's leg but Saturn counters into a painkiller. Sabu counters into an armbar of his own. Saturn comes back with an arm wrench into a side head lock. Saturn gets a shoulder block, Sabu comes back with an arm drag, Saturn gets an arm drag of his own and Sabu gets a hip toss and its another stand off. Kronus and RVD come in. "Fuck Sabut" chant. RVD gets a kick to the gut and then a scissor kick. RVD scores with a thrust kick.They botch a leap frog spot and Kronus comes back with a suplex. Kronus scores with a weak spinning back kick. Kronus comes back with a pump handle back suplex. Saturn comes in and unloads on RVD both men get spinning back kicks. Sabu whips Kronus into the gaurd rail. Saturn gets a spinning back kick and a powerslam for two. Kronus nails Sabu with a chair and then a spinning back kick while Saturn applies a chinlock. Sabu eats ringpost and takes a chair shot while Robbie comes back with a jaw breaker and a horribly dangerous gut wrench suplex. The rolling thunder gets two. Saturn gets a body slam and a Saturn sault for two. Kronus tags in. RVD counters a pop up ranna with a powerbomb and a second rope elbow for two. RVD gives Kronus a spinning back kick and Sabu nails him with a chair. Sabu gets a triple jump leg drop and an Arabian face buster for two. RVD gets a top rope leg drop for two. Kronus comes back with a blatant low blow and a front suplex onto the top rope. Kronus knocks Sabu off the apron and they give RVD a boot to the gut and a rocker dropper for two. Saturn gets a nice legdrop for two and its back to the chinlock, yawn. Sabu throws a Chair a Saturn and Saturn just explodes on him and throws him into the crowd. Saturn gets a diving press into the corwd. Kronus gets a plancha onto RVD. Sabu fucks up a dive and lands hard on the apron. Saturn dives on Sabu. Everyone is throwing chairs at everyone. In the ring its air Sabu on Kronus who takes a nice bump on the chair and a chair jump front flip leg drop for two. Saturn dropkicks RVD and closelines Sabut for two. Saturn returns to the chinlock who does he think he is Orton? There's lots of miscues with a chair. Saturn crotches Sabu on the top rope and gets a springboard closeline to the outside. Kronus gets a body slam on RVD and then a handspring moonsault press to the outside on both Sabu and Saturn. RVD follows up with a front flip plancha. Sabu then gets the triple jump press hitting mostly the guard rail. Sabu stes up a table. Saturn cuts off Sabu with a flying cross body. RVD catches Saturn with a superkick and Kronus closeline RVD out of the ring. Saturn scores with an ace crusher on Sabu. They brawl on the apron, Sabu blocks two suplex attempts and then gets a swinging DDT through a table, it was mostly Sabu's knees that went through the table. RVD gets the corner seated dropkick with two chairs on Kronus for two. RVD and Sabu get the slingshot splash and leg drop combo for two. Saturn comes with with pair of Yakuza kicks. Saturng gets a body slam and a picture perfect elbow drop on RVD for two. Saturn scores with a roundhouse kick. The crowd work themselves into a frenzy. RVD gets a second rope spinning heel kick and Sabu gets an Arabian facebuster for two. They randomly decideto go back to tagging. Sabut gets a dropkick to the knee and a single legged crab for two. There's chair throwing every where. RVD is dropkicked into the guard rail. Saturn gets an Oklahoma roll on Sabu for two, and a legsweep for two. Sabu gets a low dropkick and single legged crap on Kronus. RVD gets a ludicrious double leg lariat on Kronus and there's a funny botch with the pin breaker. Sabu gets a scop slam and a superstar press. Kronus gets a rolling senton off top and Saturn gets a norhtern lights both for two. Saturn gets a moonsault but Sabu breaks it with a leg drop. RVD gets a front slam and we appear to have a twenty minute time limit draw.

Todd Gordon comes out and sanctions five more minutes!

We get a botch low dropkick from Sabu and he applies the boston crab. RVD throws in a top rope leg drop for good measure. Kronus powerbombs everyone because he feels like it. RVD dodges a closeline and the Eliminators get a kick combo. We get a botched spot as Sabu dives off top Kronus doesn't know its a DDT spot and falls over and Sabu dumps Saturn right on his head. They then do a doomsday device that Sabu fucks up with a leg lariat nearly killing Saturn. RVD gets tosses and we get a roundhouse superkick combo from the Eliminators. RVD gets his double arm face buster but he misses the frog splash. Kronus gets a second rope closeline, Saturn misses and Saturn sault. Kronus takes RVD off top with a running powerbomb. Kronus misses a one and half moonsault. Sabu nails an impressive triple jump moonsault even though he hit him in the guts. Time limit expires, that was not five minutes.

Five More Minutes!

The crowd come to life. Sabu gets a pop rup ranna for two. Sabu over shoots a suicide dive and lands well into the front row, RVD then nails a plancha on Kronus. RVD gets a moonsault off the gaurd rail. Saturn gets a brutal top rope knee drop on Sabu. Saturn gets a pop up rana. There's some plodding brawling. RVD and Kronus mess up on the top rope and then sort it out with the double crotching spot. Sabut and Saturn try a springboard moves and collide in mid air, cool spot. The time limit expires. The crowd chant "Three Way Dance". Again that was never five minutes. Todd Gordon comes out and makes a three way dance as the crowd goes apeshit chanting "ECW".

They do a hammerlock exchange before Chris gets on the Microphone and tells the audience that Sunny won't be here and to generally shut the hell up. We then get a sloppy exchange of counters and then a much better one ending in a headlock takedown escape by Candido. We then get another counter sequence this time Mikey scores with a Northern lights suplex for two. Mikey then tosses Chris into the front row and scores with a top rope flying closeline into the front row. Candido comes back countering a flying crossbody into a powerslam for two. Candido then follows up with a body slam and a second rope leg drop for two. Candido follows up with a forearm and a legdrop for two, this match distinctly lacks intensity. They totally fuck up a powerbomb escape as Mikey lands face first for two as the crowd chant "boring" and "Bruce Mitchell sucks". Candido gets a gut wrench powerbomb for two. Mikey just about counters a botched powerbomb with a ranna for two. Mikey gets a back body drop for two, a dropkick for two. Candido crotches Mikey and we get a very awkward set up for a frankenstiener which gets two on a press up pin. Candido gets a body slam but misses a swandive headbutt and gives us a flair flop. Mikey gets a leg lariat for two. Mikey gets a brutal top rope double leg lariat. Mikey then scores with a torpedo dropkick for two. Swinging DDT gets two for Mikey before he's cut of with a low blow from Candido. We get a lame roll up spot for two. Candido barely catches Mikey's moonsault press and scores with a tombstone. Mikey crotches Candido ontop and then they battle up top and Candido scores with a Top Rope Powerbomb for the win.

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Candido then gets on the mic and says he's been carrying peices of shit for the past well years but tonight Mikey did.

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The Eliminators and Sabu are brawling until the Gangsta's music hits and they run to the rings and throw weapons into the ring and kill everyone. New Jack hangs RVD and then Saturn scores with a plancha to the outside. There's lots of weapons beatdowns going on. Mustafa scores with a suplex and a knee drop on Sabu as New Jack whips and then cuts open Kronus. Kronus scores with a dreadful closeline on New Jack and applies a front facelock. Everyone else is brawling through the crowd. Jack and Kronus simultantiously hit each other in the head with cheese graters and there both down. RVD gets a blown thrust kick on the apron. Mustafa slams RVD in the ring. Saturn gets a terrible looking splash off a balcony on Sabu. Mustafa hits RVD with a big boot. New Jack and Kronus are doing some unimaginably lame brawling on the outside as RVD gets a sunset flip on Mustafa for two. Mustafa hits RVD in the face with a cheese grater. New Jack continues to cut open Kronus. RVD does a slingshot kick in the ring. This is just a total mess. Saturn scores with an awful looking press on RVD off top. New Jack and Kronus are still brawling. Saturn scores with a leg sweep. Kronus' face is a total mess. Sabu tries a suicide dive but Kronus holds a chair up and he eats it head first, it doesn't taste too sweet. Saturn hits another awfull top rope press to the outside. Sabut botches a triple jump move twice! Mustafa and then rolls clearly off the table and Sabu gets a front flip plancha through the table, don't worry he totally no sells it. Taz comes out and chokes RVD out, The Eliminators pin Sabu with total elimination and New Jack comes out of nowhere with a flying dropkick for the win.

Too Cold Scorpio is introduced by Joey Styles for his farewell, Scorpio comes out and just dances non stop around the ring. The crowd chant "You sold out" as he blows kisses. Joey then lists his acheivement and says its been a pleasure to watch him do his thing in this very ring. Joey says we'll be sorry to see you go we are gonna miss you. Scorpio has just one thing to say "like you know, it's time for Scorpio to step on, he just wants you to know he's not gonna miss a single one of you motherfuckers". He then says he's not going anywhere. He says he can wrestle for the WWF and ECW at the same time. He says Too Cold will be the first person to wrestle in two places at once. Scorpio says some weird stuff and basically says if anyone beats him he'll leave for fifteen days.

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The crowd chant "one more job". Scorpio gets a dropkick and then a belly to back suplex and the tumble weed gets three.

Scorpio tells them to bring on the next one they want him to pass the torch to and the FBI come out. They argue over who should be in the match.

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J.T unloads on Scorpio and gets a big boot. J.T lands on his feet off a monkey flip attempt but runs into a side walk slam and the moonsault ends it.

Scorpio makes fun of J.T Smith and Hack Myers has appeared.

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We gets some Shah offence but Scorpio comes back with an arse thump and a spinning back kick for two. Myers gets a closeline and a running elbow to the back of the head for two. Scorpio scores with a thrust kick, a back suplex and the Scorpio Splash (450 Splash) for the win.

Scorpio makes fun of the crowd saying they won't be able to shout Shah. The officials ask him to leave and he says he'll up the ante to one year. Scorpio slaps Loui and then tells the crowd that his mystery partner at Survivor Series is Loui Spicolli. Loui says its not true and Scorpio say he's gonna beat him in one minute. Scorpio asks Loui to come with him.

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Scorpio gets a spinning back kick, a powerslam and top rope leg drop for two. Scorpio misses the moonsault and runs into a spinebuster for two. Scorpio counters a Irish whip attempt into a side kick. Scorpio nails a nice diving closeline and he follows that with a top rope flying closeline for two. Scorpio slips out of the Spicolli Driver but misses a spinning back kick and the Loui nails the Spicolli Driver for the win.

The crowd make fun of Scorpio and he says fuck it until someone can run him off he's staying and Taz's music hits. Taz says he's settled his score with Too Cold but he has two choices he gets while the gettings good or "I get your fucking arse". Taz tells him to go to the WWF. Scorpio says he's going to bigger arenas and bigger money. Scorpio walks off as Taz says "bye Flash, get the fuck out of my house bitch". Taz says he wants Sabu right now. Sabu doesn't come out and the ring announcer comes into the ring and tells Taz there's another match coming up. Taz says your now my hostage until Sabu gets out here. Todd Gordon comes to the ring with the Dudleys, Taz tells him to bring the troops. Todd says its not the time but its comeing and Taz chokes out Todd. Paul E comes out with Buh Buh Ray Dudley to pull Todd to safely. Paul E chokes out Fonzie and Taz plexes Paul E and then gives him the Tazmission. The lights go out and when they come back Taz has his arms crossed and Sabu is posing the crowd goes absolutely mental but the lights go out again and they've disapeared as the crowd chant "bullshit".

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Raven is up next with the bWo and Chastity and Sandman's sun. Raven says he's beaten the best brawlers like Cactus Jack, Terry Funk and Terry Gordy. Raven says he's gonna out wrestle Sandman because he's the all around best wrestler in the world.

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Stevie Richard gets on the mic, there all dressed in gay suits. Stevie says he and his flunkies are here to give commentary on match because the fans don't know wrestling. He then makes fun of Lucha Libre. Stevie says he's here to see Raven win and give he's people a wrestling seminar.

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Sandman runs to the ring and brawls with Raven but they instead go to a waist lock exchange and Raven's gets a waist lock take down into a pin for two. Raven gets a hammerlock but Sandman fights out and runs into an arm drag. Stevie is calling all the moves its pretty funny. Raven goes to a hammerlock and shoots Sandman into the corner. Raven gets an armwringer into the snapmare into a knee drop on the arm. Stevie explains Sandman is left handed as Raven throws him shoulder first into the ringpost. Raven then uses an armbreaker and rides Sandman down into the canvas with a hammerlock. Sandman sends Raven to the outside and follows up with a plancha. Sandman whips Raven into the guard rail. Raven comes back with a dropkick. Raven works over the arm of Sandman. Sandman and Raven exchanges hammerlocks before the Sandman closelines Raven over the top rope to the outside. Both men are down for a considerable amount of time. Sandman nails Raven with a low blow but Sandman comes off top with a flying knee drop to Sandman's arm. Raven applies an arm bar as Stevie tells the ref to ask if he gives it up. Sandman tosses Raven to the outside. There's alot of standing around before Sandman unloads with some weak offence. Sandman introduces Raven to the guard rail. Sandman hits Raven with a turbentine can. Sandman front suplexes Raven sloppily onto the guard rail then he totally botches a leg drop off the apron. Sandman is really selling which is odd for ECW. Sandman again introduces Raven to the guard rail. Sandman is too weak to lift the table and Raven just bulldogs him through it. Raven is bleeding hugely. Raven charges with a chair but has it dropkicked back into his face. Sandman's arm hurts too much for a DDT but tries a second time and scores with it. Sandman refuse to take the pin and unloads on Raven. Sandman floors the ref and then Stevie. Raven hits Sandman in the arm with a chair. Raven hits the DDT on Sandman. Stevie accidently superkicks Raven who falls on a table and Blue Meanie accidently moonsaults Raven but the spot is botched and the table doesn't break. Stevie gives Sandman a superkick for two. Raven sends Sandman for a flip through a table but that only gets two. They brawl on their knees and Sandman wins but make no mistake this is terrible offence. Tyler jumps in the ring to protect Raven. Chasity misses Sandman with the Cane five times while he pretends not to notice, She then hits him in the back and a DDT gets two. They whip into Sandman, and Stevie misses a superkick and Raven gets a DDT for two. Raven then has a DDT block and Sandman then DDTs Raven onto the guard rail for the win.

Tommy and Lee start the match. Lee gets a hard Irish whip. Tommy floats over Lee and gets a low blow and a Russian leg sweep. Terry and Shane brawl on the outside until Francine steps in. Terry chases Francine but Shane makes the save with some terrible chair shots. Dreamer low bridges Lee and Shane gives him a terrible chair shot. Tommy gets a bulldog on a chair for two. All four men randomly decide to brawl through the crowd and its chair shots galore. This makes for terrible TV if your wondering. Terry Funk no sells everything and unloads on Shane. They all then brawl to outside of the arena and then back to ringside in possibly the most pointless moment in wrestling history. Terry Funk beats up Rob Fienstien. Shane and Lee make there way back to the ring and slowly make it to there feet. Dreamer floors Lee with a chair shot. Ferry brings in the guard rail. Tommy nails Shan with a chair and he Flair flops onto the gaurd rail. Terry beats Lee with a chair as Tommy leans the gaurd rail in the corner. Lee and Shane then take bumps into the guard rail and chair stacked together. They lay the guard rail on Lee and then Terry body slams Shane ontop of the guard rail. Tommy crotches Shane on the gaurd rail and then closelines him off it. Lee then gives Tommy a monster crotching on the top rop. Terry then low blows Lee and gives him a DDT. Douglas falls on top of Funk. Lee gets a big splash on Dreamer whose lying on top of the steel. Shane then suplexes Tommy on the guard rail that gets two. Funk and Lee brawl into the crowd. Shane gives Tommy a knee breaker onto the steel chair. Its lame brawling all around. Francine comes up off top with a crossbody and Shane cuts out his legs for two. This is just a mess. Shane then gives Tommy a knee breaker on a chair. The chair is stuck on Dreamer's knee and he gives him a dropkick to the knee for two. Tommy comes back with a low blow and Francine comes in again but this time Tommy gives her an atomic drop. Lee returns to the ring and attacks Tommy nailing a big boot. Lee just lets Tommy hit him with a chair. Lee chokeslams Dreamer over the top rope though a table. Douglas then raise Brian Lee's hand as Terry checks on Tommy. Terry throws the referee into the crowd. Its all kinds of crappy brawling. Douglas scores with a piledriver on Funk. The heels then score with a spike piledriver and Lee pounds away on Funk. Douglas then scores with the single arm DDT as they try to break Terry's neck. Lee then does the splinter cell neck breaker. Lee hits Tommy with a chair before he can recover. They keep giving Terry movie style neck snappers. Shane Douglas then gives Terry funk an incredibly dangerous piledriver off the apron through a table. Shane and Lee then celebrate. Dreamer does his superman comeback out of nowhere with some lame arsed brawling. Lee soon chokes the life out of him. Lee then gives Dreamer a tombstone but that only gets two! Shane puts Tommy in a full nelson while Francine slaps him. Beulah runs in and we have our Cat Fight! Lee headbutts Bealuh. Shane Douglas then gives Beulah a belly to belly suplex and touches her up. Shane Douglas then hits a springboard cross body into the crowd as the medics take away Beulah. Funk then follows up with a moonsault onto all three men in the crowd. Lee sets up an upside down chair and goes for a chokeslam but Terry makes the save killing everyone. Terry works the knee with a chair and then goes to a spinning toe hold but Lee makes the save. Why won't this end! Tommy nails Lee with a television camera and Funk gets the DDT for the win in the longest 22 minutes of my life.

The crowd then give then a standing ovation as the heels do a big beat down post match. Pitbull 2 returns to a huge pop and tears off the neckbrace and cleans house with a military press and a double closeline as the crowd go nuts.

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