Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

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We start with some Eighties graphics to introduces the PPV with random crowd noise in the background, Joey Styles then runs down the card battling with random crowd muttering, seriously who editted this cra...oh wait I know who editted this and I know how shit the equipment was.

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Buh Buh Ray Dudley (as it was spelled back in the day) is the special guest ring announcer. Chubby, Dances with, Big Dick, Sign Guy and Bubba Ray join us at ringside. The crowd chant "you both suck dick" at the wrestlers. This is so far beyond ammatuer hour its unbelievable. Ray introduces us to the show. Ray says he's no longer nervous and insecure and no longer does he stutter. He stutters on the lets get ready to Ruh ruh ruh rumble. Bubba is pissed so he attacks Don E Allen giving him a power bomb and he then after a brief brawl he hits the power bomb on the Bully for the win. The crowd chant "what's your name".

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Paul E Dangerously is with us next and he says if you don't mind endulging me "dim the lights". Sabu magically appears to a huge pop and shakes hands with Paul E. We then cut to Joey Styles with possible the lamest promo ever ending with "Oh My Gawd". The crowd chant "thank you" to Paul E. Paul says ECW brings you the return of Sabu. We cut back to Joey who says if you miss this you'll live to regret it. No, no they won't I can assure you Joey.

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The crowd greet these two with "you both suck dick". Taz says ECW won't give him clearance to wrestle so he here to enforce...Jason cuts him off and calls him a crippled son of bitch and calls him a little Monkey bitch. Taz tells him to keep his fucking hands of him. Taz slugs Jason and rings the bell. Konan scores with a brutal splash mountain bomb into a pin for a fast count and the win.

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It appears to be the Blue Meanie's debut. Pablo gets a crossbody to the outside to start things off. Marquez then gets a springboard moonsault and a torpedo dropkick on Stevie. Pablo gets a suicide dive on Meanie and Stevie gives Pablo a low blow and a Stevie bomb. The crowd chant "you fat fuck" at Meanie. Stevie gives Pablo a front suplex on the top rope. Stevie hits a second Stevie Bomb and he puts Meanie on top after alot of arse touching and Meanie misses the moonsault. Stevie kicks Meanie out of the ring. Pablo gets a roll up for two. Pablo charges and eats a super kick for the win.

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God the first tolerable moment of the show comes in the form of Francine in a leather cat suit. Well this hopefully will be the start of the show proper. Saturn and Pit Bull two lock up and draw. Saturn gets an eye poke and a body slam, Pitbull one no sells and gives Saturn a body slam he no sells. Pittbull One is no selling everything and he throws Saturn into the corner and gets the worst flurry you could ever imagine. Pittbull One gets two body slams and an arm wrench and side kick. Pittbull One gets a shoulderblock. Pittbull One gets a drop toe hold and Pit Bull Two gets a flying elbow drop off top. Kronus tags in but walks into a powerslam by Pitbull two. Kronus slips out of a body slam and scores with a dragon suplex. Saturn scores with a terrible spinning back kick. Saturn gets the springboard closeline to the outside. Kronus then gives Saturn a leg up on a moonsault tope on Pitbull two. Kronus gets a body slam and a front flip leg drop. Kronus gets a back suplex landing ontop of Pitbull two. Jason works on Pittbull two while the referee is distracted. Pittbull Two misses the Stinger splash and bumps to the outside. He cut his arm on that bump. Kronus gets a body slam and Saturn comes in with a flying elbow drop for two. Saturn then scores with a frankenstiener for two. The Eliminators then nail a double fare well. They place Pittbull Two on the top rope and Saturn tries the ranna again but gets a super bomb for two. It breaks down into brawling. Jason runs in with a leg drop. Pittbull One tags in. He unloads lamely. Pittbull One gets a double closeline. Saturn gets a running back elbow Pittbull two. Its degraded into total crap. Saturn flips out of a suplex and scores with a tiger bomb for two. Pittbull Two puts Kronus on his shoulders and One closelines over the top rope. The Pitbulls get the superbomb neckbreaker combo. Jason eats a military press. Kronus gets a handspring elbow but Two gets a spinning heel kick in the corner and Two gets a closeline. The Superbomb on Kronus ends the match. Post match Jason attmepts to rape Francine and there's a chair beat down as the Eliminators clean house.

Pyschosis kills himself missing a dropkick in the corner. Rey gets the rota and side steps another dropkick and Psychosis crashes and burns, a Dragonranna gets three for Rey but Psychosis is up at 7. Rey is pressed onto the apron and comes back rannaing Psychosis and himself over the top rope. Psychosis whips Rey into the guard rail, Ray fucks a spot up and Psychosis throws a chair at him. Psychosis gets a torpedo dropkick, Psychosis gets a torpedo dropkick and a moonsault gets three and Rey gets to his feet a 9. This time Psychosis scores with the corner dropkick and he gorrilla presses Rey onto the rinpost and follows up with a running axe handle. Psychosis whips Rey and scores with a fare well and a pop up powerbomb for the three count and Rey makes his feet at 9. Psychosis charges Rey in the corner and follows up ramming Rey chest first into the turnbuckle. Psychosis gets a chair but the decides to drop it. He again lifts Rey on his shoulder and runs him ino the turnbuckle. Psychosis gets a front slam and the Sky Twister Press into a leg drop for a pin and Rey again makes his feet at one. Psychosis kills him with a running dropkick at one and then follows up with a corner dropkick. Psychosis gets the chair and DDTs Rey on it. Psychosis then puts the chair on Rey's back and hits moonsault onto Rey for a pin and Rey again gets up at one. Psychosis gets a gore in the corner and the hits a nice low dropkick. Psychosis throws a chair at Rey but Rey holds the chair on his knee and Psychosis moonsaults into it. Rey throws the chair into Psychosis. Rey hits a springboard closeline knock Psychosis to the apron. Rey then gets a cross body off the apron taking both men tumbling into the crowd. Rey then hits a perfect springboard moonsault press into the audience. They then do some garbage brawling through the crowd as Rey hits Psychosis with some lame chair shots and tosses him into the crowd the other side. A girl scrambles to get out of their way. Ray hits Psychosis with a chair. They fight onto a platform and Rey hits a hurricanna off a higher plarform onto the lower platform onto a chair that was really nicely executed for the pin and the win.

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Jason has come out to ringside, he says he's never seen anything like that in his entire life and he wants to manage Rey. Jason says he can be his little supreme fighting machine. Rey tries to walk away, Jason calls him a little bitch and he gives Jason a spinning heel kick, a arm drag and a fucked up ranna (that was Jason's fault). The Eliminators come out and give Rey a Slingshot powerbomb. 911 comes to the rescue and with the help of a diving ranna from Rey 911 scores with a double chokeslams the Eliminators. Hot angle after a hot match.

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"Please don't go" chant from the crowd at the public enemy. Scorpio says he's gonna give credit where credit is due and he gives Sandman a high five. Scorpio makes fun of Rocco Rock and challenges him to a dance off. Scorpio starts with a little jig, we see Joey dancing backstage and he says cut the camera, haha (those are sarcastic if you couldnt tell) and then Rocco Rock opens up with some body popping. Scoprio body pops back and Rock does some horrible slides and Sandman then bust outs some old school white boy dancing to a chorus of "you guys suck dick". Woman does a lame dance and then the heels jump the faces. THIS WAS POSSIBLE THE MOST CRINGEWORTHY THING I'VE SEEN IN ALONG TIME.

Rocco comes back with a second rope closeline and the Public Enemy clear the ring with closelines and get the crowd dancing to their music. Grunge then cuts an inaudible promo ripping on Woman and the match starts proper.

Sandman and Grunge start the match with a big batch of stalling. Sandman gets a side headlock. Grunge gets a shoulder block and he reverses Sandman's hip toss to the outside and follows with a plancha. Scorpio gets a flying cross body and everyone gets chairs and when get some total pussyhole fighting with a low blow from Scorpio. Public Enemy are thrown to the outside and they brawl around the ring. Scorpio takes a prosthetic hand from a fan with a wooden arm ana attacks Grunge. Rocco hits Sandman with a frying pan and throws Sandman into the front row. Sandman comes back with a fly kick off the guard rail. Grunge gets a Vader bomb and a suplex on Scorpio. Rocco hits Sandman with a pumpkin pie and throws him into the crowd. Grunge has bladed and Sandman comes in with a slingshot fly kick on Grunge. Rocco tags in and scores with a hurricanrot and a spinning arm drag but he tries it a third time and gets caugtht with a shoulder breaker. Sandman gets a slingshot front flip legdrop. It descends into awful brawling. Scorpio scores with a side walk slam. Scorpio gets a legsweep, a shoulderblock but misses a dropkick. Rocco spins out of a hip toss but misses with an Lionsualt and Scorpio scores with a super kick. Scorpio scores with a release Tiger bomb for two. Scorpio gets scoop slam but eats knees on a standing moonsault. Sandman tags in and scores with a series of elbow drops. Grunge charges and unloads on Sandman. Scorpio drops Rocco throat first on the top rope. Woman hits Rocco with the singapor cane. Sandman gets a plancha onto Grunge as Woman massacre's Rocco with the cane. Sandman gets backdropped on a table that doesn't break. Rocco suplexes Scorpio out of the ring. Sandman front suplexes Grunge through the table. Rocco follows up with a sommersault plancha into the remainder of the table. Rocco counters a electric chair drop into a ranna for two. Scorpio scores with a Stinger Splash on Rock and nails a moonsault for two. Scorpio scores with a spinning heel kick. Grunge gets a hot tag. Grunge gives the heels a noggin knocker but Rocco Rock scores with the Drive By but hits Grunge by accident and Sandman passes out on Grunge for the win.

We go to Joey Styles who says we're gonna see highlights from the match between Gordon and Alfonso with Beaulah as guest referee. First we have a highlights package recaping the fued and its actually the best hyped and produce part of the show so far.

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Fonzie jumps Tod and knocks him into the front row. Beluah and Fonzie get in each others face and Fonzie knocks Beluah out with a closeline. Gordon jumps Bill from behind and they two men exchange rights with Todd winning the slugfest. Gordon gets on the mic and says he wants to see what hes got. They do the "Shah-Shit" brawling bit with Gordon winning. The crowd chant "We want blood". Todd scores with a double stomp but Alfonso responds with a low blow. Fonzie then gets on the mic saying he's gonna kick Tod Gordon's arse. Tod flaterns Bill with a cookie sheet and Tod introcudes Bill to a chair five times and Fonzie has bladed. We get all kind of lame brawling around the ring. He throws Fonzie into a fans chair. Both guys clearly don't have a clue what to do. Tod gets a frying pan and shows it to the crowd. Bill cuts off and tees up a pan shot but Tod gets a low and nails Alfonso drawing an awesome sell from Alfonso. There's no ref, Taz runs out and counts two then nails Gordon allowing Alfonso to get the win.

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Taz gets on the mic and he says he's bitter about all the fans not caring when he was injured. He tells the crowd to fuck himself. He rips on Heyman and his parents and then says no one cares about Taz except Bill Alfonso. Alfonso puts money on his table. Taz then decides to rip on the crowd. He challenges one guy to get in the ring he takes his shirt off but it ends there.

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Steve Austin attacks Sandman on the way to the ring and beats the tar out Sandman with a singapore cane. Austin then gives Sandman a stun gun on the guard rail.

Austin jumps Mikey to start and drops him throat first accross the guard rail. Back in, Austin continues to unload on Mikey. Austin whips Mikey into the guard rail and gives him a bitch slap for good measure. Austin scores with a snapmare as the crowd chant "Hogan" Austin scores with a big boot and a leg drop for two. Joey says "That lame arsed crap ain't gonna cut it here". Austin tosses Mikey and then dumps him throat first on the guard rail. Mikey reverse a whip and sends Mikey into the guard rail. Mikey slugs down Steve Austin. "Fuck him up Mikey" chant. Austin comes back with the Stun Gun an it gets a near fall! Austin can't believe it and unloads on Mikey. Mikey gts a sunset flip with Austin's trousers pulled down for the win.

Austin kicks the crap out of Mikey post match.

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Heymen is up next, if your gonna turn back the clock lets turn back the clock, he has one word for us Sabu!

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Sabu misses the dives for the leg as per usual. "Sabu" chant, after a bitch slap he picks the leg and takes Myers down leading to snapmare and a springboard seated leg lariat. Sabu then scores with a DDT and goes for a chair. We then get a chair assisted springboard leg lariat for two. Sabu applies an arm bar, this is possibly the sloppiest arm bar and sell in human history. Hard Irish whip and a springboard leg lariat gets two. Sabu then goes to a side headlock. Stinger Splash from Sabu, Sabut then totally fucks up a back flip and Myers comes back with a powerslam and a diving facebuster like move but Sabu has his feet on the ropes. In my least favorite spot in the world Sabu lays Myers in the middle ropes and Sabu comes off top with a leg drop. Its a bit of "Shah/Shit" action before Sabu goes from an electric chair position to a DDT, that was nice and that gets two. Sabu backflips over a back body drop and Sabu scores with a spinning heel kick and he then lands a plancharanna. Sabu whips Hack into the guard rail and then Sabu follows up with Air Sabu. Myers counters a diving ranna with a powerbomb for two. Myers scores with a standing suplex and heads up top. Sabu catches him and scores with a super victory roll for two. Myers then catches Sabu ontop and goes to get a chair complete with a fans jacket and nails Sabu with it. Myers then gets the Shah leg drop. Myers goes up top but Sabu counters bulldoging Myers on the chair. Sabu then rannas Myers over the top rope to the outside. Sabu gets the table and puts Myers on it. Sabu then hits a triple Jump front flip plancha through the table. Sabu refuses to win by count out and wants Sabut back in the ring but only gets two. Sabu gets a body slam and the Atomic Arabian Facebuster for the win.

Mick is wearing his Dungeon of Doom tee and is greeted with a big round of "you both suck dick". Mick challenges Terry to fight outside but of course the heels just slide into the ring. Raven and Foley won't let Dreamer and Funk get in the ring. "Change your Shirt Cactus, Chain Your Shirt" chant. Tommy and Terry charge the ring and a brawl starts the immediately goes to the outside. Terry bitch slaps away at Foley before laying into him with a chair. Funk then throws a chair from the outside to the ring nailing Raven in the back of the head. Funk nails Raven with a sign. Tommy low blows Foley. Tommy and Terry put Stevie in a shopping cart and throw him into the ringpost. Dreamer gets a VC from a fan and unloads on Raven while Terry hits Foley with a snow shovel and a dust pan. Tommy then nails Raven with a remote control. Funk then nails Jim Moleniux with a dust pan. Funk kills everyone with the dust pan. Terry hits Raven in the balls with a golf club hard and then works Raven's face with a cheese grater. Raven chokes Funk with a toilet seat as the crowd chant "EC Fucking W". Foley stabs Funk in the arm while Raven gives Tommy an Evenflow. They go to the outside and Dreamer and Funk are whipped into the guuard rail. Raven is bleeding massively, Foley is blading a bit. Foley is visably carving up Funk's arm he then bludgens Funk in the head. Raven gives Dreamer another DDT. Tommy dives on a chain sending Foley and Raven head first into each other. Dreamer DDTs Raven and Foley makes the save with a sign shot. Foley reveals a shirt saying "Forgive Me Eric" and that has a picture of Eric on the front. Foley tries to start a WCW chant and fails. Tommy pulls Eric's face over Foley's and hits him with a steel chair. Funk throws a shopping cart at Raven. Tommy then thows a plastic bin at Cactus. Foley low blows Dreamer and gives Funk a Double Arm DDT on a steel chair but there's no ref. Raven gets a tope on Dreamer. Foley then counts the pin on Funk but Joey says it doesn't count. Foley gets a crutch from a fan and nails Dreamer. Bill Alfonso and Taz come to ringside but Funk kicks out at two. Taz and Fonzie work over Funk but Dreamer makes the save. Joey says Dreamer and Taz are best friends so they leave. Dreamer scores with a leaping DDT and then a regular DDT and then a piledriver on a chair and Funk gets the cover for the win.

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Post match the beatdown continues on both sides with Tommy wrapping barbed wire around Raven's head and Foley brawling up the isle with Funk. Raven then low blowed Dreamer and posed with a barbed wire crown as the show wen toff the air.

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