Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

So before we reveal our respected number one's lets remind you of the top ten. We're going to start with the albums and here we go.

"Oh Charles Don't You Ever Crave To Appear On The Front Of The Daily Mail, Dressed In Your Mother's Bridal Veil", when it comes to statements of intent and tracks that encapsulate the entire ethos of a band in one glorious pop song, no album opener is finer than The Queen Is Dead (Take Me Back To Dear Old Blighty). It's a track that had it all, and thundering rhythem, glorious flourishes of guitar and of course Morrissey at the pinnacle of his powers. Morrissey is not only in fine voice, but he is dishing out these delicious witty jabs, that are so deep and cutting that they set him apart from any other song writer in musical history. The juaxtaposition on this record is utterly irrestiable. The Queen Is Dead track sees the Smiths reverse their usual roles, the guitars and drums kick hard, the message of the track is serious and dark, a bold and anti-monarchy statement combined with a some brooding introspection, yet in the midst of all this swirl visercal rage comes such sheer hilarity. It's ridiculous, and it's not a punk rocker decrying George Bush and making a cock joke, this is humour of the highest order, it's utterly delicious, it's self deprecating, it conjures ridiculous imagery. This is the record when Morrissey was a rock god, a pop star, a political activist, a poet, an operatic diva, a stand up comedian and best of all and honest to god artist.

We'll start with the comedy because Morrissey is on brilliant form, his turn of phrase is perfect from the first line ("Her very lowness with her head in a sling"). The highlight of the albums opener comes when Morrissey croons of breaking into Buckingham Palace;

It's barmy, it's off the wall, it's destinctly British and it's completely unique. When we look back at music's great lyricist, it will always be said that Morrissey is without a peer. There are other greats, but Morrissey is incomparible he's in a class of his own, he's like a huge one man melodrama, playing each and every part, going from the sublime, to the ridiculous. I struggle to think of another lyricist who can be so funny and yet so cutting and so affecting all in the same instance. You can see the Smiths influence to this very day, they pretty much created the entire cultural underpinning of Emo and of course it only takes a cursory examination of a Lily Allen record to see that the art of juaxtaposition is still going strong. Of course I said I'd start with the comedy and could there be a record more joyous and more comedic that Frankly Mr. Shankly, a track so charming, it completely disarms you on first listen and it's more serious undertones grab you subconsciously. It's a work of pop art, it combines timeless truisms ("This job pays my way and it corrodes my sould") and ludicrious lyrics that can't help but make you smile ("You are a flatculant pain in the arse"). Of course Morrissey is at his best when he does both at once, in possible my favourite lyric of all time; "I want to live and I want to love, I want to catch something that I might be ashamed of".

The Queen Is Dead is an emotional rollercoster, it takes you from hilarious highs to utter heartbreaking lows. From the laugh out loud thrills of Frankly Mr. Shankly we head to the tragedy of I Know It's Over. A song of such great resonance, It expresses such powerful emotive themes that we've all felt at one time or another, it's about loneliness and heart ache.

It's full of tragic eternally quotable lines;

"Loud loutish lover treat her kindly, though she needs you more than she loves you"

It's a brutal wrenching song, it feels like an opera, it's starts slowly and sombrely before building and building into a glorious widescreen full blown epic conclusion. It's huge, it's mamoth, it's almost uncontainable, but at it's heart it's a touching and emotive masterpiece of tender emotive song writing. It is part of a trio of tracks whose emotional power is only matched by their knowing pomposity. Never Had No One Ever follows, and this track is without the joy, it's hard, it bludgens, it's an unrelenting emotional beatdown as Morrissey insists again and again "I'm Alone, I'm Alone, I'm Alone", it's a bold track, it has a ghostly arrangement with a huanting whistle that blows towards the end, it's harsh and chilling, it's like a suicide note come to life, but in the form of a Shakespearean stage play. Then of course there's the third of the albums emotional epics, a song that hardly needs introduction, and you should damn well know it's name before I type it. The track I'm refering to is of course the devine There Is A Light That Never Goes Out. This is the undisputed pinnacle, it has power, it has punch, and it's biggest emotional punchline is interlinked with a maccabre peice of humour;

The Queen Is Dead is the ultimate in black humour, no record even comes close. The fact that you can have a track so beautiful, so powerful and so god damn brilliant as There Is A Light... and then follow it with Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others. A track of whismy and of throwaway humour, it's light, it's frothy, it's inescapibly infectious and yet it closes the album. Is it one last big joke orchestrated on us, the paying costumer? We are taken on this heartwrenching thrill ride culminating in the perfect moment of There Is A Light... and then they end with a two minute jape. It's as ballsy a move as I've ever seen; imagine if at the end of Gone With The Wind if after saying "Frankly I don't give a damn" if they'd thrown in a fart gag. It's ridiculous, it's the last thing they should have done, yet it's absolutely perfect.

It's always hard to single out tracks on a record of this quality to talk about but the one track that is deserving of extra special attention is Cemetry Gates. It's quite simply the wittiest song ever written. It's a delightful romp, with a lovely sunny guitar line, while Morrissey shows of his brilliant turn of phrase. It's joyous and maccabre, a walk through a cemetry on a "dreaded sunny day", they skip along and "gravely reading stones", before falling out over a quote which one of the protaganist tried to proclaim as their own work when of course it wasn't. It's seems a bizzare topic for a novel let alone a song but it works to a tee. Each and every line is enthralling, as Morrissey croons "if you must write prose or poems the words you use should be your own, don't plagarise or take on loan". The whole scene is ridiculous, but it's so querky and it's some how believable, walking through a grave yard and becoming engrossed in a pretentious debate, no wonder the Smiths are the prenenial students favourites. Cemetry Gates encapsulates the album as a whole it deals with deadly serious themes of death and the meaning of life but it gets lost in futility and comedy. It speaks to the futility of human life, we have our big hopes, dreams and ambitions but somehow we always get side tracked, corrupted and plans change. The Smiths laugh out our and their own pomposity, at the hopelessness of it all. Life can be hopeless, tragic and brutal if you let it, but instead take it lightly, treat it as one big joke a flight of fancy. After all as Oscar Wilde once says "Life Is Far Too Important To Be Taken Seriously".

The real key to the track are the wits who get named dropped "Oh Keates and Yates are on your side, but you lose, for the love of Wilde is on mine". It's a great line, but the point is more subtly, when we think of the Smiths as musicians and albums, it ranks not along side Doolittle and Thriller, instead The Queen Is Dead sits alongside The Importance Of Being Earnest and Twelfth Knight. It's a great work of melodrama and wit, Morrissey's peers are not Lennon and Cobain but Wilde and Yates. The Queen Is Dead is a work of art, it's utter tragic whismy, and that is why it is the best album of the eighties and possible of all time. It's transcendant, it's sets itself apart, it breaks as many rules as it writes. Morrissey's does have the love of Wilde on his side, Morrissey is his twenty first century heir, and The Queen Is Dead is his masterpiece. It is everything and nothing, it is the most important emotional affecting album you will ever hear, and yet it isn't, it's a silly goof, fully of jokes and flights of fancy. The Queen Is Dead is The Importance Of Being Earnest it's as hugely deep and incredibly shallow, it's beautiful and it's hideous, tragedy and joy, it's all of these things all at once, and yet it's none of the above. The Queen Is Dead is like nothing else, it is a truely unique work, and it most certainly is the greatest of album of the eighties by the decades greatest artists. So remember next time you list the great artists it goes Oscar Wilde, Mark Rothko, Stanley Kubrick, Tom Ford, Woody Allen, Stephen Morrissey & Johnny Marr.

So of course after having the tragic predictable number one in the album list, I had to throw a little bit of a curve ball in the singles list. It's not really that much of a stretch however, as Take On Me is still an unstoppable anthem to this very day. It's the ultimate in eighties synth pop. While I'd be hard pressed to ague against anyone who'd suggest Love Will Tear Us Apart is the greater song, it most certainly is. It has greater resonance, emotive power, it has great swathes of tragedy and dispear and it's endlessly danceable but that's not what the eighties were all about. When we think back to eighties pop culture now, two words spring to mind; fun and cheese. A brutal heart wrenching slice of death disco wouldn't suffice, the true greatest song of the eighties, has to be huge, commercial, silly, and utterly irrepressible. Take On Me is all of those things, it's utterly glorious, every inch of it is pop perfection.

It's one of those tracks that will forever be engrained in our collective consciousness. I could go up to every single person I know and start singing this song and I garentee they'd start singing along, try doing that with Joy Division I dare you. This truely is a case of everythings in it's right place, the way the drums pound in and then that epic keyboard line, followed by the gloriously syruppy eighties vocals leading to that ridiculously high chorus that everyone at one time in their life has tried and hideously failed to belt out. It's an utter gem, it's almost too well regarded to call it cheese, it's just an epic, and no matter how many horrible cash in covers are churned out the original has never been phased. It's one of those tracks that forces you to drop your facade and just enjoy at one time or another. It's sheer unrelenting joy, not to be taken too seriously.

Of course how could I conclude without mentioning that video. If I have to describe it to you, then I seriously question why your reading this blog, have you been devoid of pop culture for the last twenty years? It remains my all time favourite video. There are those that are better, more artistic, funnier, but this is a video that ticks all the boxes, it's charming and it's utterly captivating. Hell even twenty years later it's still being parodied just watch Family Guy (actually don't its horrible lately) or go on youtube have a browse, this is a piece of music television history that will never die. This track is eternal, forever young, it's incredibly dated, yet it never ages, what could be more eighties than that?

So we all heard the news that Oasis had to pull out because Liam had a bit of a soar throat, oh well, I'd never seen them before but I can't say I was overly fussed. They've only got one good album, albeit and amazing good one in the form of Definitely Maybe followed by some of the most cringe inducing and retrospective follow ups in music history, so no big. I had a great time, I just feel sorry for those who bought day tickets specifically to see Oasis. So enough babble on with the show

I have some pictures that I'll add in due course but for now I'll just get down to the reviewing nitty gritty. So after two accidents on the road I just managed to scrape into the festival just in time to see the love of my life Miss...

I saw Lily back at V 2006 on the second stage before the Manic Street Prechers, it was quite the one two punch back then, and she easily surpased that performance. She no longer has to rely on some weaker album tracks this was all killer no filler. As those who watched Glastonbury would have noticed she's beefed up many of her many tracks with dance remixes, the D'n'B version of smile is an absolute delight and a clear highlight. As was the brilliant Oh My God/Everything's Just Wonderful tamdem, a perfect blend and with a sudden switch. Lily was in good voice today, and her banter was as good as ever, it's nice to see her chilled out goofing around with the cricket and seeming more proffesional while still retaining and every girl feel. I won't get into her dancing or clothes as I'm in danger of sounding like the world's biggest stalker. Lily easily replaces Amy Winehouse as the best pop act I've ever seen live, reclaiming her throne which was briefly pinched away. She has everything down, she has the hits, she has the songwritting, she has the personality, and it's the last factor that really makes the difference, she doesn't need big dance numbers or flashy extras to sell the show, it's just Lily. The biggest improvement in the set if it's superb streamlining and how the songs perfectly fit together, it feels like an experience moving from place to place, and it has to be said Womanizer is a superb choice of track to cover. However I've saved the best till last, Not Fair, is just a fucking anthem, there's no other way to put it, when you can get all the men in the feild to start singing along to a harsh and brutally cynical song about being crap in bed you know you've done something right. Live it takes on a new persona, its huge, it's not epic, but it's so danceable and singable, it shoots right into my top ten live tracks (a list that I'll be doing later in the year). So while I wouldn't have said it before, the sheer awesomeness of Not Fair means I can legitimately say Lily Allen is one of the acts you must see live before you die, and that is honestly without my usual bias.

As I suspected The Specials drew a respectable enough crowd but against the queens of gash pop the Ting Tings on the other stage, there's only one direction the V crowd were going to head. I should point out Ting Tings are one of the worst bands I've ever seen live, and no it wasn't a bad night I've seen them twice and they actually got worse. The Specials on the other hand were sublime, they weren't top level quality, but they were perfect in the afternoon sun. The ideal band to have a sing song and sillily dance like your dad to. Intriguingly they feel more relevant now than ever, with the wave of gang attacks and knife crimes in urban city centres (even though the Media do blow it out of all porportion), the Specials calming message of love over violence, seems more apt than ever. So it may not be the Nation Front against the Rude Boys but the parallels are there, and it just warms you heart seeing the Specials. Music wise it was everything you want, the best slowees like Night Club and then the danceathons Too Much Too Young and of course Monkey Man. However, more than just a merry trip down memory lane the Specials had a suprise in hand for us, as they called on their friend "Amy" to join them for a song. Sure enough Winehouse arrived for the sure fire set closers You're Wondering Now and of course Ghost Town. So a big suprise and some fun in the sun what more could a guy ask for...(I'm sure I'd normally do a Lily joke here, but I'll take the high road).

So when I saw Calvin Harris back a Wireless two or tree years ago, I detested it, his music was so limmited, he was so cocky, it was all too in your face. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a good time dancing but it was a shallow thrill. So has he learnt any new tricks in 2009? Well not really, he has more songs and you can see he's torn between being a hit maker and trying to do something progressive, he of course normally leans towards the former. However I'm not here to rip on Calvin, I don't care for his personality but he puts on a good show, and works hard to make sure the crowd are having a good time. The overly loud backing vocal that shatters any illusion of him singing is a bit of downer but other that he was pretty good. What gives him the X Factor is the simplicity of his music, if you don't like any of the bands on go see Calvin Harris, it may be shallow but it's so damn immediate you'll be singing along to songs you've never even heard before in seconds. And it may well be a cluster fuck on record but I dare any of you to not have the time of you life shouting the "Ooooooh" in Ready For The Weekend. So all in all, solid, dependable, and still fun, Calvin is perfect festival fodder.

I am so torn about this set, I can't describe it. Anyway, I had to race to give my mate Harry his ticket and then merge into the monsterous crowd that The Killers had drawn, I have to say even at V I was surprised to see them do this well especially up against Fat Boy Slim and 2 Many DJs who are no slouches in the drawing power department. So what of the set? I'm utterly enfuriated, they played brilliantly, they played everything you wanted to hear, in the order you wanted to hear it, they had a passion crowd ready and waiting and....It was too FUCKING quiet. I thought it was just Glastonbury as when I saw Killers at V 2006 and Reading 2004 there was no sound issue, they weren't the loudest but it sounded great. So I'd put the reports of sound issues at Reading 2008 out of my mind, and I was flabbergasted, the crowd were singing there hearts out, destroying our throats and when you wanted the big guitar lick to kick in so you could bounce it was just limp. It's so hard to describe how annoying this is, the set teased you with it's brilliance, and then pulled the rug out from under. I actually can't fault their playing, or Brandon's singing which was much better this year, it's just a minor technical issue that keeps letting them down. It made you feel bad to clap or singalong as you felt you'd be ruining it for everyone around you. However in the same token with a sequin star studded set list including Mr Brightside, Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine, Somebody Told Me, All These Things That I've Done, Smile Like You Mean It, Human, Spaceman, Bones & Read My Mind to name a few it's hard to complain. In a nice touch they also through in a cover of Joy Division's Shadowplay complete with a montage of Control on the big screens. I don't know what score to give this, had it been suitably loud, Killers would have leaped well up my live band rankings because it was awesome, and yet it wasn't.

And on the way out I caught a glimpse of Amy and Pete Doherty singing Albion and sharing a brief kiss, so more newsworthiness to end the day.

So Beat It will always be my favourite MJ track but in terms pure eighties pop genius Billie Jean is unbeatable, it remains the best song he ever wrote even retrospectively, enjoy the legendary performance that set him on the way to superstardom at the Motown tribute show.

A part of me wanted more than anything to make this song number one but it will have to settle for nineth. Taken from the brilliant Dare album, eighties tracks don't come more infectious than this. It's a total paradox both dripping with cool and smelling of cheese, but never anything less than brilliant.

Now you know this top ten is ridiculously strong when Blue Monday only places eighth. This has to be the greatest indie dance track of all time. It's just genius, every thunder clap, the robotic beat, the synthic "aaaahhhs", it all slides together perfectly around some of best dead pan vocals ever sung. A true masterpiece.

I have to say I'm more than a little excited, tomorrow I get to see the girl of my dreams Miss Lily Allen followed by her favourite band the legendary specials. With the backdrop of the Brixton race riots and chaos on streets along came a mix race group, with a West Indian flavour and one foot firmly on the dancefloor to define the entire era. Lyrically the Specials were on another planet but most of all we just wanted to dance, and Ghost Town brought the Specials two great powers together to perfectly encapsulate a unique period of social strife.

"Oh Shut your mouth, how can you say, I go about things the wrong way, I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does", songwritting par excellence, enough said.

How pissed am I that he didn't play this my favourite Springsteen track when I saw him back in July. I'll forgive him, but next time he comes around he better play it, damn those lucky folk at Glasto. Who knew the harmonica could be so powerful? Tender, heartbreaking and beautiful. Bruce creates the ultimate working mans ballad, a true heart breaker.

"I would go out tonight, but I haven't got a stich to wear" I think students will be belting that line out from now until the end of time. A controversial decision to finish above How Soon Is Now? but as a single, it has to get the nod, short, joyous and crammed full with bucket loads of delicious wit, another perfect single courtesy of Morrissey & Marr.

"Aaaaahooooooooo" the ultimate festival anthem, there's nothing like being lost in amongst a sea of humanity and singing the epic line "Where Is My Mind". This track needs little in the way of explination it's simply a thing of beauty.

Okay so just a few songs back I called Blue Monday the ultimate indie disco track, well I may have to revise that statement. A soaring beautiful arrangement contrasted against Ian Curtis' sombre croon, it's a beautiful track that never fails to bring a tear to your eye. Heartfelt, beautiful and eternal but only the second best single of the eighties.....(yes some of you are probably going to get pissed off all over again).

I recently wrote a very long peice on this album (it's listed under music reviews if your interested), because I have to be honest until this summer I had never listened to this record. It seems quite incredible looking back, considering my love for American Alternative music in this period that I'd never actually listened to the Genre's magnum opus and many American's concensus pick for the greatest album of all time. Well of course I fell in love with the record on first listen, it's simply sublime and incredibly infectious. It's an album of great contrasts, the gorgeous laid back dreamy observational songwritting of Thurston Moore and the scathing rath of rock goddess Kim Gordon. This was a band that perfectly captured the zietgiest. That disaffected alternative American culture is perfectly encapsulated by this record. From the perfect title DayDream Nation to that beautiful and affecting album artwork, every inch of this album is sublime.

Thurston's spacey day dreamy melodies float perfectly on the gorgeous Teenage Riot as he croons with such a sense of disaffected joy. You feel like your walking around New York City half a sleep in a daze, it's a heavenly track. Elsewhere, Sonic Youth are torturing there instruments and warping perceptions, the excellent Silver Rocket starts out as a straight rocker before breaking down into a rasping scraping musical meltdown. This is a signature of Daydream Nation even the most seemingly simple of songs confounds you expectations, they warp, evolve and the challenge you the listener. The music can be abbrasive but it's always controlled you feel like your on a journey, that every last scrathy riff and stab of guitar is utterly essential. Kim Gordon is the real star on this record, while this album is perfect from track one to track twelve, she is simple uber cool. On The Sprawl she's the ultimate femme fatale, she in your face, she's disgusted by you, and yet while she's mocking you and burying consumerism you can't help but love it, her cynical tones are a sheer delight. My own personal highlight is album closer Trilogy bringing together three great invidual tracks into one great music clusterfuck, its a long esxcaberating journey, grueling and yet beautiful. As far as musical relevance and importance records don't come much bigger than this, it's simply impossible to imagine the next twenty years of American music without Daydream Nation and Doolittle. Ultimately this record is all things to all people a visceral jab of rough around the edges alternative punk, an ice cool pop record, or the first and last word in avante guard rock, honestly, who cares? Only one word can really do justice to Daydream Nation: genius.