Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

So after seeing alot of pop and soft rock it was time for the mainstages only band that had some real bollocks. I don't mean that in a snooty metal fan way, I just mean a band that's rough around the edges, emotional and loud as all hell. Biffy were certainly loud, especially after The Killers had appeared to be on mute last night. It was a hit and miss affair, they played very well and with their usual fiery Scottish charm. Of course V just isn't the place for this sort of act, there too heavy, but it did finally bring out the wild side in the festival goes. With a mosh pit starting and eight or nine bottle wars erupting. It was the first sign that V was a real festival, not just "the festival for people who don't do festivals". Of course with Machines, Mountains and a barn storming Living Is A Problem Because Everything Dies they couldn't fail, but they certainly stuck out like a soar thumb with a nine inch nail ramned through it.

Yes I actually went to see Katy Perry, this is destroying my credibility but who cares. Sadly she wasn't very good, she doesn't have a live voice at all, here band were clunky and unimaginative and worst of all a sure fire favourite like I Kissed A Girl fell flat live. However that said what Katy lacked in talent she made up for with spades of personality and crowd interaction. She knows she's limmitted and she works hard to make sure that everyone has a good time. Hot And Cold was pretty good but seemed lost on such a big stage, the big surprise was that Waking Up In Vegas turned out to be her biggest crowd pleasure. Actually let me correct that, the biggest crowd pleaser from her own materiel. To make up for her inability to sing or play she had a trick up her sleeve a for fire cover of Queen's Don't Stop Me Now, the crowd sung every word so loudly you kind of forgot she was onstage. In case you were wondering, yes she was very hot and all unhappy feeling were quelled when it was announced that England had won the cricket and a mammoth Barmy Army chant broke out.

The Streets never really click live, there sound just doesn't translate at all. However on this occasions they had two things going for them; firstly they were indoors and not on the main stage so the bass boomed rather than squelched and secondly they drew a huge crowd who were intent on dancing their arses off regardless. So what if they butchered Don't Mug Yourself and Weak Become Heroes when everyone's raving there tits off. For his part while he was an awful MC, Mike Skinner turned out to be the perfect party host. So The Streets ultimately triumphed, but it might not have been so pretty with a more discerning crowd.

So I am going to get alot of stick for this but Lady Gaga was absolutely amazing! I'm not being scarastic, everyone's favourite hermaphrodite was genuinely brilliant. Was her music shallow, limmited, morose, partailly mimed and without critical merit? Yes of course it was, but it absolutely faboulous. Having drawn a massive crowd, Gaga proceeded to turn the JJB into the worlds biggest G-A-Y club. Now I've been to plenty of gay nights in my time but I've never been to anything camper than this. It was something beyond, the videos were ridiculous, the pomposity was unmatched, the costume changes were ludicrious, the dancers defied all logic but it was perfect. Gage knows her audience, she catters to it, with sneaky bassline's from Salt and Pepa and pinching subtly from some of the biggest dance trends of the last ten years she created the ultimate club for trashy whores. It was the most I've danced and jumped up and down all weeked. Even horribly cynical limp tracks like Love Game are turned into unweildy monster live, every track felt epic, and the crowd in Essex were perfectly suited to her sleazy trashy wears. Gaga has the style down perfectly, she says her inspiration is Andy Warhol and his truism that "Art is what you can get away with" and Gaga is the epitomy of idiom. This was all style, but while on record it makes your eyes roll, in a forty five minute live show it's move fun than you could ever imagine. Drop your perceptions, if you have the chance to see Lady Gaga just do it, stop being a pretentious arse and have some fun. I don't want to end on a downer but I only have one complaint, she milked the intro for Pokerface doing the Kid Cudi version for four minutes, the only slight against a other wise perception warping display.

So after Gaga we were torn I'd seen MGMT, Keane and Snow Patrol so I let my friend Harry decide, and he picked...

I have to give full credit to Snow Patrol. They are one of the world's lamest bands, but there loveable, their nice guys who hold no pretentious, so I was very worried when they were bumped to headliner. They were facing thousands of very angry people who paid to see Oasis and they absolutely saved the day. They were tremendous, there not going to be one of the best live bands ever but they know what they do and they do it well. They brought the hits and the big sing alongs to end a lovely weekend. It was a time to put your arms around your mates and have a sweaty sing song. Open Your Eyes, Run, Chasing Cars and Spitting Games all went down a storm. For the encore Gary Lightbody came out and said the next two songs were dedicated to Oasis (HUGE Boos) before rather predictably blowing through rousing covers of Wonderwall and Champagne Supernova. The crowd sung along loudly with every word, and unlike, The Killers the guitar was loud and kicked in perfectly for those epic moments. Gary Lightbody looked delighted like it was the greatest moment of his life, the crowd probably the biggest he's ever played to, gave him nothing but love and he came accross as the humble night in shining armour. So Snow Patrol are still lame, but they are most certainly loveable, they saved the day and by the end there was only one question that came to mind "Oasis who?"