Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

So anyway here's the next edition of Fantasy Festival Booker, the rules are in the previous entry if your interested in having ago (just use the sidebar to find it), this editions is brought to you by my friend Benny Grinsted. He's into indie *yawn* as you can probably tell. I'll try to get him to write an explanation of what he was going for and why, before I offer the blog's professional critique.

So I will likely update this poster later in the week.

Hip-hop or in this case Hip Pop has introduced so many words into the English language since its inception but their can be no finer feat that Missy Elliot's miraculous effort to bring the term "Badonk-a-donk-donk" in to common usage. And to be fair to Missy it was in fairly regular rotation. On a more serious note Missy Elliott was one of pops few interesting artists in the early 2000s. Timbaland was yet to become pop's create puppet master he was kept on the fringes but he was quietly gaining recognition crafting the sickest beats imaginable for Aaliyah's Try Again and later Missy's superb dance floor anthem Work It. Hear It Here

I've never really understood why Kylie is considered a sex symbol, her sexuality has always seemed forced, false and unnatural. Her personality and music have always fallen flat, they try so hard to be sexy that they end up having the opposite affect. Especially compared to the nonplussed eye rolling sexuality of Lily Allen, or the free spirit chaos of Shakira, Kylie never really worked at either end of the spectrum as an artist. That was of course until Slow, unlike her other efforts Slow was down beat, it was understated, it was drawn out pulsating sensuality, it was a creative breakthrough, and remains a truly remarkable track. Hear It Here

In 2006/7 Fedde Le Grand leapt onto the scene and took over the world on commercial club dance in second and in Let Me Think About It they created the soundtrack to dance offs world wide. This was just the perfect dance track, it's easy to dismiss Fedde Le Grand as the lastest in the long line of lame euro dance, but rarely has David Guetta or Basshunter produced a track as fine or as addictive as this. Hear It Here

I'm 2005 emo was blowing up in a big way, and while Fall Out Boy's association with the scene was limited at best; they wore guy liner, were vaguely poppy and sung about how horrid girls are and how miserable they can make you (Don't worry. I don't understand the difference between this and regular punk either). Regardless they were riding atop a wave of momentum and Dance, Dance continued their continued cross over appeal, the hooks and two part melodies were beyond irresistible and the bouncy bass lines would keep the mosh pits in steady flow while Pete Wentz did his best to dodge bottles on stage. Hear It Here

In 2001 we were given the first suspicion that Gwen Stefani's eventually solo release would flirt with hip hop beats when she collaborate with Eve on the the glorious sexy laid back anthem Let Me Blow Your Mind. In 2001 Dr. Dre was still in his prime and Let Me Blow Your Mind showcased one of his finest West Coast Gangsta beats, while at the time the style was tragically overstretch but now in 2009 the track sounds like a refreshing revelation remarkably distinct from the Timbaland dominated culture. Hear It Here

So what was 2002 biggest surprise comeback? The Sugababes of course, returning not only to pop music but going straight to number one with new member and resident sexy scouser Heidi Range. Of course their revival had little or nothing to do with the laides, they called in the genius that was Richard X for some trademark over production, they pinched Adina Howard's 1995 hit Freak Like Me, and if that wasn't enough they reached out to the king of cool himself Gary Numan and borrowed Are Friends Electrics unforgettable beat. Originally a mix-tape it was so succesful they soon found themselves back on a label and back in the charts. And while the girls may have contributed a little that new member Heidi sure was hot. Hear It Here

Questions?!? Who's the most overrated girl group over time? If you answered Destiny's Child your 100% correct. While Destiny's Child were far from a poor, infact they were anything but they received disproportionate critical returns from minimal creative output. While they may have benefited from a down time in pop music history Destiny's Child managed to put out a string of impressive singles. While Independent Women did grate at times it was undoubtably an early defining anthem for a decade of dominant pop divas. Hear It Here

In 2003 the notion of a sexy Southern rock group in 2003 seemed like an improbability, and to be fair in 2003 the King's were hardly the sex symbols they are today, but the smooth sexiness exuded from their laid back festival slayer California Waiting. It was the first hint of a the kind of power ballads that would see Kings Of Leon conquer the charts later in the decade. Caleb's voice carried a deep longing sense of sorrow and the group brought subtle guitar flourishes and a driving rhythm section. The road to world domination started here. Hear It Here

I've used the word sexy quite alot already in this minisection, not nobody and no act exuded more raw sexiness than Allison Goldfrapp. Strict Machine was absolutely ridiculous, while it didn't contain one swear word or one indecent image it was 100% X rated, this track was the sound of some serious fucking. It was one giant stream of perverted energy, many had tried but nobody had crammed in as much raw sexuality as Goldfrapp many had tried but they were the undisputed kings of sleaze. Hear It Here

Anyone who has been lucky enough to see Slipknot live since this track release would never question this tracks inclusion. While it maybe a great rage filled single in it's own right, it's in it's live realm where this track becomes a ritual. For the uninitiated Corey gets entire crowds to sit down before the final chorus when on his command they explode to life causing mosh pits to explode from seemingly every direction. For that reason alone this track has become a true classic. Enjoy this clip of the entire download festival joining in the act. Hear It Here

In 2005 Young Jeezy rose above his guest slot superstar billing and finally made the break through hit his sloganeering had long threaten. Go Crazy was a half elongated boast, half a simple sure fire beat and part one of hip hops most memorable hooks of recent years. It's remarkable how effective such a lazy hook could be so infectious. Of course Jeezy's rhymes never were up to scratch but a verse from Hova ups the lyrical ante. Hear It Here

Before an ipod commercial and a certain track by the name of 1,2,3,4 introduce Fiest to world, she was an unkown carving out a legacy as one of the great folk-pop songtresses. Mushaboom may have only reached 98 in the charts but it still remains her most powerful single. It has a tragic tone and yet it has a joyful premise and an quirky upbeat arrangement. Mushaaboom tells the tale of a happy small town life, of existence within one's mean and the joy of the small things in life. It offsets the tragedy of everyday life: "It Maybe Years Until The Day, My Dreams Match Up With My Pay" with the beauty of those small everyday experiences that bring you joy, they are both completely unique and familiar to millions. Mushaboom is a beautiful crafted pop song. Hear It Here

(Almost Gold 2008, Bernard Butler)

2008 truly was a great her for pop music, great tracks and irresistible hooks were popping up from every conceivable angle and best of all pop had once again found it's songwriting voice. Indie was pitching in in a big way and Black Kids combined glorious uplifting synth sweeps with sugary hooks and a playful lyrical attitude. I'm Not Gonna... was a remarkable well crafted song, every inch of the track is perfectly positioned and masterfully crafted for maximum pop appeal, yet Black Kids still manages to maintain this rough around the edges indie feel to the track. Like was beautiful house held together by masking tape. Here It Here

By 2009 Oasis had run so creatively dry that the announcement of the bands break up was met more with a sense of knowing approval than the grief of a tragic loss. However the most surprisingly the only truly interesting release from Oasis' final LP came from Liam and not Noel. While it wore it's influences on it's sleeve with a not so subtle piano nod to A Day In The Life and of course some trademark Lennon snears, I'm Outta Time felt like the most genuine and emotionally powerful track Oasis had released in over a decade. It was subtle and downbeat, it lacked the OTT swagger or the pretentious of greatness this felt like good old fashion songwriting and more of a heartfelt tribute than pastiche. Hear It Here

There's something inherently sickening about a love song to a commercial products, but The Pack's Vans was too cool to be resisted, the beat was slick and the rhymes were smooth. It may have been the most shameless piece of product placement in music history but this was undoubtedly the most plug in history, and compared to Soulja Boy's horrendous shilling of the Bathing Apes name it doesn't seem all that bad. If one product can inspire this much creativity then perhaps the world of the cooperate shill isn't

so bad after all. Hear It Here

You can't accuse Bloc Party of taking the easy way out, since their debut album Silent Alarm they have consistently attempted to evolve their sound and experiment, especially with dance, electronica and industrial beats. Mercury follows that line of creative expansion and has become suitably divisive. It's either an awesome indie disco anthem or it's a horrid regrettable posturing. There is little doubt that Bloc Party's Radiohead like ambitions have outstripped their creativity. Yet while they've yet to truly recapture the Zietgiest that made Silent Alarm so special, they've never lost their deft touch as one of this generations great and most interesting hit makers. Hear It Here

While I'm sure Kele would cringe at the comparison, Coldplay are very much the bigger scale version of Bloc Party. Coldplay are undoubtedly one the 21st Centuries great hit makers, yet they've always aspired for something more, but Chris Martin can never escape from his own brilliance as a simplistic and gorgeous song writer. Viva La Vida And The Death Of All His Friends was a failure in many respects Coldplay quality couldn't measure up to their intent but in mearly trying they created some of the most interesting and exciting pop music of the year. Viva La Vida truly sounded vibrant glorious and uplifting and while only released as a promotional track shot to number one ahead of first single proper Violet Hill. Hear It Here

I'll be posting my review of The Fame Monster later on today or early tomorrow and quite frankly I can't wait. Bad Romance was the long awaited proof that Lady Gaga will not be slowing down anytime soon, the wheels will not be falling off this run away train. The track itself is gorgeously addictive as Lady Gaga plays with her insanity as her of key vocals provide the perfect image of the obsessed wannabe lover. However the entire essence of Gaga and her Brillaince is captured in the first few seconds with the mad cap hurly burly "Ra Ra Ah Ah Ah Roma Romama Oh La La" carousel opening. The Madonna pastiche that follows actually serves to highlight how Gaga has ascended beyond posturing and posing to become a legitimate pop Icon and one that defines the twenty first century perfectly. Hear It Here

So we transition from pops new Icon to pop's Old Guard. Following the Pop debacle U2 had a point to prove in naughties, how they'd go about making it was the question on everyone's lips, would they come straight back and have a second stab at a creative breakthrough? In a word, no. All That You Can't Leave Behind saw U2 revert to their sure fire formula, but unlike Oasis the well hadn't run dry and Bono was still able to seemingly fart out number one singles. In short order behind the mighty Beautiful Day U2 had reclaimed their throne as the biggest band in pop music and leather cowboy suits or not they were here to stay. Hear It Here

Maths + English was a half way house album for Dizzee Rascal, it showed his potential for crossover domination but was still full of aggression and contained a powerful and often dark message. Pussyole had the old school and new school dance and hip hop nods that would dominate his subsequent records but at it's heart Pussyole was a determined rant and warning. While it may have seemed like a pedantic hip hop dis record it was infact a warning to the youth of a nation. It saw Dizzee rip into those people who talk a big game, start trouble, start fights and expect loyalty but only leave you hanging in all kinds of hot water. It was a simple message choose your friends wisely and don't be feel forced to loyal to someone who doesn't deserve your respect. Dizzee expertly throws lyrical darts inbetween relating his own life experiences and in many ways Pussyole is the best/worst public service announcement for Britain's troubled youths. Hear It Here

By late 2008 Biffy Clyro and their career defining album Puzzle had seen the plucky outsiders emerge as mainstream champions and festival legends so the world could cut them a little slack as they released this dynamite slice of sure fire cheese. Bon Jovi or Nickelback would have been proud to call Mountains their own, it was the monster festival singalong that Biffy arguably needed and the only string lacking in their now might bow. So while it was all rather smultzy and more than a little generic, they can be forgiven because it rocked so hard and forged so many great summer moments. Hear It Here

For people of a certain generation (i.e. mine) there seems to be a rose tinted nostalgia towards Sum 41, while so many bans in their ilk are mercilessly ripped to shreds cynically and critically, Sum 41 have always been somewhat immune they have a back log of never ending good will. I think it's part of a collective youth experience, but whatever the case an old Sum 41 record will always bring and smile to ones face. Still Waiting was the closest they came to writing a genuinely credible track, it was a racous thrill ride, it had all the pop punk bounce but Sum 41 beefed up the guitars and swapped the jouvinial potty mouth hooks for some Green Day sloganeering, the result was absolutely tremendous. Hear It Here

This Shit Is Bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S! those words will either make you shriek with delight or smash your head through your computer in disgust. Whatever the result Hollaback Girl was undoubtedly one of the biggest and most recognisable tracks of the twenty first century, Gwen practically made sure every last second of this track was laden with inescapable hooks, there was no way to avoid this track, love it or hate it, it would be in bedded in your cranium forever. Once again The Neptunes do a superb job on the production duties, channelling the spirit of earlier entry Grindin' by Clipse, with a minimalist but powerful handclap arrangement. This track simply could not fail. Hear It Here

Well if you thought the last song was annoying beyond belief it pales in comparison to Arvil Lavinge's Sk8er Boi there was a time when this track just would not die. I think I was actually scared of turning on the radio in 2002 for fear of Arvil Lavinge. In all seriousness Sk8er Boi was one of the best crafted pop rock tinged tracks of all time. It was simple and effective and the arrangement is very well balanced, for a pop track they've rammed as much distortion and bombast into the three minute play time as humanly possible without affecting or undermining Arvil's centre pop vocal. A deviously clever piece of pop posturing. Hear It Here

Okay I've got to apologise I didn't think I could possible stumble on a run of acts more annoying than this, it's gets cooler I promise. Now while for the most part Avenged Svenfold's career has been regrettable in 2005 they laid down this gloriously retrospective metal beast. It perfectly combined elements of rocks past with a beefy rhythm section and a gloriously eighties solo with some horrible twenty first century styled Axl Rose vocals. Lyrics and songwriting never were Ax7 strong suite, being shameless OTT and hedonistic was there bread and butter, and on that front The Beast And The Harlot delivered in a big way. Hear It Here

So before becoming a touring rock band Pendulum were D'n'B closest thing since Ronnie Size to a genuine cross over sensation, Hold Your Colour was drum and bass then biggest album and Tarantula was the most well known track in all of great Britain. While Pendulum have gone on to do bigger things it's hard to argue that they've really released a better track than Tarantula the track is still buzzing with a real urgency and a carnival from hell atmosphere. Tarantula would become the formula for all the drum and bass cross over success that was to follow. Hear It Here

The Hives finally entry into this gargantuan list comes in the form of their debut and breakthrough single. Hate To Say I Told You So despite a plethora of charting successors remains The Hives defining single, it says everything you ever needed to know about them within a neat three and a half minute package. It was all their strengths and weakness rolled into one track and ultimately if it was nothing else it was a hell of a good time. Hear It Here

In 2004 no band was more stylish than Franz Ferdinand, This Fire may very well be this decades most gorgeously designed track, it's one package, it was a gorgeous tongue in cheek merge of art and pop music. While This Fire always seemed a little pedestrian or repetitive threw the head forms on a dance floor it was transformed into a sexy groovy witty monster, and it took it's rightful place as Franz Ferdinand's perennial set closer soon enough. Many a festival field has been sent home chanting this merry little chant. This was Franz at the height of their powers. Hear It Here

La Roux was perhaps the biggest surprise of 2009, this duos wonderfully low-fi and abrasive pop sound seemed diametrically aposed with the current pop scene, and Elle Jackson seemed a million miles away from Leona Lewis. Yet while the arrangement to Bulletproof may have sounded like Super Mario moonwalking sporadically across the back of a thousand koopa troopers, Miss Jackson was as different as she seemed. Behind her piercingly sharp vocals laid the same attitude and convictions that had made Lady Gaga, Pink and Lily Allen superstars, female pop had become the music industries unlikely bad boy. Full of wildly conflicting emotions, pop's leading women were strong, occasionally callous and unshakeable and Bulletproof was their latest statement of intent; "Been There Done That, I've Messed Around, I'm Having Fun Don't Put Me Down, I'll Never Let You Sweep Me Off My Feet". Hear It Here

Unfortunately by late 2009 despite Miss Allen's best efforts the conservative elements of pop music had dug in and were ready for war. X Factor, pop's answer to the BNP, was beginning to take hold of the charts once more, luckily in the US they continued to be more forward thinking and the ultimate party girl Sharkira reinvented herself with the remarkably fresh wonderfully ironic Shewolf. It felt like a middle ground pop, a reminder that pop music could have an attitude but still just be shameless fun. It was a welcome reminder and aside from some cringe worthy howling it's been one of 2009's great feel good records, a revelation. Here It Hear

Again for those of you that don't know Isle Of Wight is a classic MOR festival, that targets a family market so it pitched towards a broader demographic. They tend to go for lots of classic acts (Rolling Stones, Police, Neil Young) as well as acts who played the original festival (Procol Harum, Donovan), but they also have some heavy more contemporary acts (Pixies, Horrors, Prodigy, Muse) as well as the big MOR hitters (Snow Patrol, Coldplay, Kaiser Cheifs).

It's a fascinating festival to predict it's line ups can vary wildly and they have a habit of having surprise headliners, thus it tends to either hit a home run or fail miserably but all in all the festival is built on a feel good atmosphere rather than relying on garenteeing you anything line up wise, it's a real mixed bag.

So my line up is a mixture of bands who I'm guessing will actually play this year and acts I really want to see. So I've gone with a classic festival closer in Fleetwood Mac who are quite possibly the quintessential Isle Of Wight headliner (if there were such a thing). On Saturday traditionally the rock night I've gone for Killers, there a great little band designed for this sort of feel good festival, and will bring the huge singalongs. They are very inconsistent however, I've seen them three times, the first two times they were great, the third they had the legendary sound problems that dogged their Glastonbury and Reading Headline sets. Below them I've placed Kasabian who are big festival favourites and due a return. I've given the line up it's older flavour with the help of The Specials on Saturday and Chuck Berry on Sunday.

Friday is tradionally the fast paced Dance night (although it has been headlined by MOR acts). I've opted for Chemical Brothers as a safe bet to headline, they fit the bill, I've never seen them due to injury, and they'd go down a treat with the crowd. Below that Dizzee Rascal is an obvious choice as he's played everywhere else and is still touring. And as he's touring with my beloved Lily Allen it was only logically to slip her in on Sunday on the spot she pulled out of two years ago. Some of the other choices are based on the Festivals 40th anniversary with Leonard Cohen and Kris Kristopherson returning 40 years on. I've included Snow Patrol as they are festival favourites and will be promoting their greatest hits collection. In the big top they have a ladies night and Girls Aloud seem like the natural choice and the line up follows that theme. I've guessed the Public Image Ltd. will headline the Big top as the festival organiser was a big Sex Pistols fan and I figure seeing as their on tour he'd probably like to see PIL grace his festival too.

I have to say I'd love this to be the line up, because while it doesn't really represent my musical tastes, it includes some of my favourite acts (Lily, Girls Aloud, Lost Prophets, Fleet Foxes, Bat For Lashes, Animal Collective) alongside acts I believe the festivals clientèle would enjoy.

Now while I'll obviously admit that the line ups I'll produce are definitely fantasy line ups and lack realism, I'll try and base each fake poster on bands who are well suited to that festival and who could plausible play (and in the positions they might appear). Obviously I'm going to have fun and exaggerate, as you can see from my ludicrous Sunday line up where I have three headliners stacked one after another (My Chemical Romance, Black Sabbath & Led Zeppelin).

However I've tried to create a line up that the typical clientèle of the festival will enjoy. Anyway for those of you that don't know Reading is one of Britain's most historic festivals it started as a Jazz and blues festival and evolved into a alternative and hard rock festival, before becoming more mainstream in recent years with a mix of indie, metal, hard rock, punk and electronica.

I've tried to theme the festival to reflect how it's been themed historically, with one day of lighter indie on Friday, one metal day (usually sunday) on Saturday and a hard rock day sunday. The festival tends to close with a legendary headliner. Anyway, as I say while this certainly would be a fantasy line up, I've tried to include some festival favourites, and rather than just listing all my all time favourites, I picked a mix of bands, particular bands I've either never seen or only seen once before.

One of the big problems at Reading has always been balancing the stages so that there are suitable alternatives to accommodate the varying tastes of the festival goers. So I've balanced my Dance/Indie mainstage of Friday with a day of classic Metal vetarans on the NME stage. I flipped the process round for the Saturday where I offered Indie's biggest hitters as an alternate to a mainstream metal mainstage, and on Sunday I balanced the classic rocks against a mainstream indie on the NME stage and then a ice cool dance tent on Sunday. I think this should work out well, Reading festival normally make a real mess of the stages offering a poor choice of alternates, I'd like to think with my fantasy festival I've corrected this issue.

So having successfully resurrected the career of Nelly Furtado and helped take Justin Timberlake's career to the next level, the two pop stars decided to return the favour beefing up the first release from Timbaland's tedious Shock Value. Nelly Furtado clearly stole the show with a sexy boastful verse followed by a seductive verse. However having re-shaped pop music Timbaland was in cocky mood and decided to pull no punches with his verse; "I Get A Half A Mil for my beats you get a couple grand...I'm A Real Producer And You Just A Piano Man". It may have been grating but in 2007 Timbaland had earned the right to wear the biggest Cheshire cat grin in pop music. Hear It Here

In 2004 Willy Mason instantly became every students favourite accoustic song writer with the free spirited open eyed day dreaming of Oxygen his follow up So Long proved that Mr. Mason had more to offer than just a solitary protest song. So Long was a gorgeous little ditty, full of earnest earthy sentiment, it never felt preachy it felt more like an introspective day dream or a rambling stream of conscientiousness. It had some remarkably heartfelt and profound lines building up to the tracks final bare chested verse "Where Are Your Shadows Hiding Now? When Anxiety Is A Nightmare Which Hero Is Gonna Come Around?". Hear It Here

It seems so long ago now but in 2004 Growing On Me propelled the Darkness to the top of every rock countdown in recorded history and had them on the verge of world domination. The next single would see the Darkness slay the pop charts but Growing On Me was the foundation on which their success was based. It seems mad to think they headlined Reading Festival but as much as I'm sure people hate to admit it they went down a storm, hell I was there an I can't deny it was alot fun albeit fleetingly, check out the video how did we all get it so wrong? Hear It Here

Keane would be Spiralling downwards by 2008, but while the descent seemed irreversible the soft pop rockers managed to conjure up their best ever single. Spiralling was full of the kind of life and energy that had been so absent from the rest of their work. Ironically it would win more awards than any of their singles since their debut Somewhere Only We Know and yet it would sell miserably, that's how life treats you sometimes. Hear It Here

In 2001 the release of Iowa proved that Slipknot were no mere nu-metal gimmick and had the potential and the impetus to strive for bigger and better things. Left Behind was the first single of the aforementioned album and it would set the tone for everything that was to come this decade, it became the template for the Slipknot lead single, it would be better by Duality and Psychosocial but in 2001 Left Behind proved that Slipknot were the real deal. Hear It Here

In 2006 the Sugababes were in turmoil they'd just lost founder member Mutya and were turning into a bigger and bigger tabloid farce with every passing day, luckily they turned to Girls Aloud hitmakers Xenomania would laid down and irresistible beat and arranged a track that was a sure fire hit. The Sugababes have always known that when everything else fails it's time to get sexy Red Dress brought the spark back to the outfit which appeared to be on it's last legs. Hear It Here

Papoose was always went too smart and too hard to be commercially viable but when it came to the insane one liners and the sickest rhymes no one could touch Papoose. Rather than analyse this track I'm just gonna give you a sample of the best punch lines "Lawyers Are Just Like CDs, If They Don't Get A CD They Fucked Up",

and of course "Niggas Be Getting Too Familar, Gotta Know Whose Your Fam, That Comes From Shaking To Much Hands, I Don't Respect Your Two Buck Mans, So When They Go To Give Me Five, I Leave Them Hanging Like The Ku Klux Klan". Hear It Here

Repetition, Repetition, Repetition, it's not big, it's not clever but it is a hell of a lot of fun, and who doesn't like shouting "Wah-ah-ha-oh"? Well in 2006 We Are Scientist were the lead jokers in the indie scene which was going supernova behind the rise of the Arctic Monkeys. We Are Scientist seized the opportunity to conqueror the nations with their light on complexity high on thrills brand of guitar music. Hear It Here

In 2001 Southern hip hop was blowing up and Nelly was the front runner and was touted to anyone and everyone who'd listen as hip hop next big thing. Over the course of the next eight years he'd be leap frog by Kanye, T.I & Lil'Wayne, as he failed to sustain his early promise. However Nelly started out well enough, with a debut album that had big club jams, hard hip hop tracks and in Ride With Me his laid back cross over smash. Hear It Here

Many fans viewed Pork And Beans as a welcome return to form for Weezer who appeared to have gone of the rails since 2001 Green Album. Pork and Beans saw Rivers return to his quirky paranoid social satire routes as he exposed the hypocrisy and façades of modern culture. Yet the message seemed paradoxical as Pork And Beans shy away from the critical backlash and return to their pop-rock formula. The video was of course timeless and it was great to see Weezer return to the pop charts once more. Hear It Here.