Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

"Slicing Up Eyeballs, Ah Ha Ha Oh" oh yes it's Debaser time, signature tunes don't come any better than this. Of course as the title would suggest this track has a killer bassline but it's all about the craziness and the contrast. It's a soaring surf rock anthem mixed with the mental ravings of Frank Black, it's utter genius.

It's a tribute to the power of Springsteen that after all these years his biggest hit still doesn't great. It's a joyous mix of fun pop chords and earth honest songwritting and it contains one of my all time favourite lyrics "Check myself in the mirror, I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face" but hell every lyric in this track is one of my favourites.

"If Man is 5, if Man is 5, if man is 5, and the devil is 6, and the devil is 6, and the devil is six, then God is 7!!!", one of the funest vocals to scream along to live and a song so far beyond classic it serves little point describing it's transcendant awesomeness.

Okay so for the second time I just couldn't decide. Okay I promise for my subsequent poles I won't do this again, but honestly who cares, there is no argument on earth that could convince me to leave either of these stone cold classic out of the count down. So on one hand you have the heads most fun single and on the other hand we have there greatest ever song.

Oh yes I'm sure there wull be more than a few unhappy campers to see the queen of camp pop one spot above the king of gloom rock, but to be honest, when it comes to singles did Trent really stand a chance. As much as I dislike Madonna, Like A Prayer is a pop single of incomparible quality and it's more than worthy of a top 15 finish. It remains her best ever work. Why she fucks around with this track live I don't know.

Well it's official the King of Pop has pip the Queen to the post but lets face it Madonna never stood a chance. There's no need to spruse this track, everything is perfect, the incredibly guitar riff, Jackson perfect vocal performance, the feel good lyrics, the dance routine that everyone knows whether they care to admit it or not and of course that sick end solo. All in all Beat It is the perfect pop song, but it's not your number one. Listening to this track makes me really sad that I'll never get to see him live, I truly envy those who did.

So you know a song is fantastic when the B side made the list in its own right. Well while Michael Jackson decides to Beat It, G'n'R stick around for the fight with Axl epic screech "You've In The Jungle Baby, You're Gonna Die". This song is just total devastation, death by awesomeness.

So we've had the king and queen of pop, the ultimate gods of hair metal and now it's time for the undisputed king of sleeze. White Wedding is just one of those delicious singles that could have only been released in the eighties, and it still sounds as awesome today as it did back then.

Now you know a track is damn good when it's your mum's favourite song, well my mum's pretty cool, and this is her favourite Smiths track. I think the reason this track is so loved other than Morrissey wonderfully witty forked tongue is the sheer relateability of this song. Honestly has ever a true word been penned than "I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but Heaven knows I'm miserale". An endlessly quotable track but I think my favourite line has to be "Oh why do I give valuable time, to people who I'd much rather kick in the eye".

So I'm finally on the verge of the top ten and I have to say I'm excited, I'm still rejigging the order because each of the songs in the top ten could easily claim pole position in its own right, but you'll have to wait and see who I choose. Anyway I'm off to V Festival to propose to Lily Allen (just joking...well maybe...we'll see).