Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

Taken from the album of the same name The Bends is one the ultimate live anthems, a track you simply have to hear live before you die. With it's soaring crashing riffs, it's monsterous huge vocals, everything about this track is absolutely epic. This is Radiohead the rock gods, this track is designed to conquer festival feilds, for thousands of people to scream back every last word and then jump like mad men. A perfect rock and roll thrill ride, with an IQ.

So Radiohead have jumped across genres and soundscapes with effortless ease throughout their long and winding career but one realm that nobody could have predicted back in the Pablo Honey days, they'd end up on the dance floor. Yes Radiohead love to groove, 15 Steps squechles and crackles beneath the weight of a monsterous thudding baseline before a delicate ethereal guitar line is laid over the top. Avante gaurd dance rock at it's finest? Probably, but who cares this is just a brilliant track, now let's dance.

When it comes to the ultimate Radiohead anthem Just might just well be it. Constantly topping polls as the fans favourite track. It's a great sing along with Thom weaving his scathing vocals ("can't get the stink off, he's been hanging round for days"), then that huge chorus and mamoth riff comes in and all hell breaks lose. Combine the genius of the song with one of the greatest music videos of all time, and you have a true classic.

One of the most recognisable and powerful openings to any Radiohead track. When you hear that think thud of piano keys you know it could only be one track. Amnesiac will always be a record too dark and too bleak for some, but with tracks as gorgeous and as subversive as Pryramid Song and You And Whose Army it can't be considered anything less than essential. Pryramid Song is considered by many the greatest piece of music Radiohead have ever written, and they may well be right.

"I'm On A Roll, I'm On A Roll" could there be a more tragically beautiful opening to a more perfect track in rock history. With moments this tender and haunting is it any surprise OK Computer is regarded as the greatest album of all time. It's maccabre, it's bleak but most of all it's beautiful, a ballad like no other. One of the most affecting tracks I've ever heard.

Now picking the most beautiful Radiohead song is a thankless task, you'll always upset someone, their back catalogue is so deep, and so varied, and so emotionally charged, but for me there can be only one; Exit Music (For A Film). Radiohead's wish of course came true when this wonderous peice of music, that still makes the hair on my arms stand on end, was used as the exit music to Romeo & Juilet, a perfect song, for a perfect moment. If I wanted everyone to cry at my funeral, then this is the track I'm picking.

Okay it's time to lighten things up, with the riff that never stop giving, this pulsating beast, is the Radiohead National Anthem. This was the moment when half the world thought the millenium bug had ruined their new Radiohead LP and the other half of the world realized that Radiohead's brilliance had transcend all definition. Perfect vocals, perfect guitar, dance, hold hands, kiss, cry, jump, whatever, this song is mind warping genius.

I have to say ordering the top three was an absolute nightmare, I could probably flip the top three songs around forever without ever feeling happy but unfortunately the mighty Idioteque must take the bronze medal. This is the ultimate Radiohead dance floor slayer, the skipping fucked up beat, and that huge break down "Ice Age Coming, Ice Age Coming" there's nothing quite like sliding spazmodically accross a dancefloor and screaming that aloud. Who would have thought all those years ago that in the 21st Century that Radiohead would be turning Worhty farm into the world's biggest rave.

As I write this I cannot comprehend how I have not put this track at number one. I mean seriously, this track has it all, it's just perfect. Lyrically it's just sublime, whenever I get round to my greatest ever lyrics list you can garen-damn-tee that "January has April Showers, And two and two, will always equal five" will be right atop the list. As a song it's structured so deftly, it's this long emotional build, with goregous lyricism and lofty vocals before this massive visceral breakdown shrouded in crunching guitars, feedback and of course Tom's manicial ravings. Yet with all this genius it's only number two, so what's number one you ask?...

This song is the ultimate chiller. It's so uncomfortable. It's sparse, haunting, it feels like you've been left stuck alone on a ghostly glacail plane. It's desolate, it's scary, it's skips and repeats, tortured vocals echo and reverb throughout, all your technology is broken, it's a nightmare, but it's a beautiful nightmare. Everything In It's Right Place set the entire tone for Kid A the most ground breaking album of my life time, this was Radiohead but everything most definitely wasn't in it's right place, and yet somehow it was. Glorious, artistic and brilliant. It feels utterly inhuman and devoid of emotion, and yet it's one of the most powerful and touching tracks I've ever heard in my life. It's a wonderous contradiction and it will forever be my favourite Radiohead track (at least until the next time I hear 2+2=5). And best of all if your lucky enough to see it live, it'll never sound the same twice.

Well I reviewed this single when it leaked a month or so ago, so as usual I'll keep this brief. Get Sexy sees the Sugababes regain their X factor. They seriously misfired with their previous album becoming the ultimate is supermarket mum pop, but the girls have refound their vigour, their sas, and best of all their sexiness. The Sugababes will always be a little rough around the edges, but that's why we like them, they need to match girl next door charm with slaggy edge. Get Sexy is a track that grabs you by the balls and demands that you dance. Pop music with attitude and swagger, a welcome return to form.

Ah Friendly Fires they're alot of fun aren't they. They produce those moderate sized, slightly sweet, occasionally soulful indie disco bangers that we all love so much. The album was solid and dependable, but it's time to see whether they can evolve or whether they'll just be another brief footnote in the 21st Century indie revival. Well Kiss Of Life with it's pulsating drums and irresistably charming hook, certainly shows the hits won't be drying up for these lads anytime soon. The beats are slick, and Kiss Of Life has an uplifting buzz to it, you'd have to go someway to hate this track, but it rarely thrills. So it appears we getting more of the same, it's no bad thing, a second album of danceable indie disco will be palatable but sooner or later these boys are going to have to show that they have a little something extra left in reserve.

Again another track I previewed a while ago, so has it grown on me? Not really, the guitars are still suitably huge, and I'm loving the Rush style bombastics, Billy Talent certainly needed more musical punch to match their slick hooks and by gosh they've got it now. However, vocal it's still the same whiny, simplistic, repetitive stuff. So Billy Talent have improved but they are still a love them or hate them act, this will do little to convert the non believers. A fine addition to their back catalogue but hardly a ground breaking or perception altering smash.

I Dread The Night sees the Gallows doing what they do best, ranting and raving with all the vigour and hardcore bluster we've become acustom to over the last few year. Yet the spark is missing, it doesn't match up to the excellence of Orchestra Of Wolves and it feels like the holding pattern. Fear not, Gallows don't make bad records, and this is a pretty could slab of hardcore crunch, but this is a band who need to take a break, recharge and come back with a new magnus opus. For the time being I Dread The Night with it's jaunty guitar line will keep you bouncing off the wall and screaming you lungs out, until they come up with some new ideas.

I have to say I've never really counted myself as a fan of the Gossip. For every record that thrilled I always found their music to be hollow and a lacking a key ingrediant to raise it above average. Love Long Distance has Beth is full disco diva mode, and this is where we love her best, this track is as danceable as they come, and has just enough soul to give it some artistic merit. It feels sharper and sleeker than anything on their debut record. Love Long Distance all in all, is a damn fine pop single, keep 'em coming Ditto.

I have to say that Take Me To The Hospital is a bizarre choice for a single. Don't get me wrong it's got a pretty solid hook, but its so retrospective, it feels like the love child of Experience and Baby's Got A Temper. Very old school, too old school, Thunder would have been a much better choice for a single. Not bad, but rather baffling.

Wow speaking of dated here comes Pixie Lott. Boys And Girls has some cute samples, and has some slick production, but the problem with this track is that it's overly produced. It's too smooth, too silk, it feels like a throw back to 90s pop. Much like the way Pixie herself has been photoshopped beyond recognition this track has been stripped of any honest or earthiness. It's a shallow facade. Pixie should enjoy her fun while it lasts.

So last night Noel Gallagher decided he couldn't live with Liam Gallagher anymore let alone tour with his little brother 24/7. I have to give Noel credit I'm stunned he made it past year one let alone nearly twenty. I should say at this point, I suspect this break up to last all of three months at the very most, but seeing as I missed out on a career retrospective on Michael Jackson, I felt I'd do one on Oasis, to say what they really mean to Rock and Roll. It seems the dominos are starting to fall the King of Pop is dead, now the Kings of Retrospective lad rock are long gone. So in a market overstocked on nostalgia its nice to say goodbye rather than hello. I should point out at the outset that I've never seen Oasis live, they pulled out of Chelmsford last weekend so I "missed out", I've heard mixed reviews but I'll stay away from their live reputation. Instead I'm gonna look back over the albums, so lets get to it.

What can be said that hasn't already been said about this record? In fact this record finished in my top ten albums of the 90s so I've written at lenght about it before. Quite simply this is Oasis' best album, and it's the closest they've come to a truly great record. The emotional resonance and importance of Definitely Maybe doesn't really translate abroad especially in the States, where Oasis are looked down upon for there obvious musical failings, but here in the UK, it's their magnus opus. It's not really about the music, it's about the dream, it's about everyday life, and it's about escapism. The Gallagher's came from humble roots, council estates in Manchester, and they preached as simple dream, they wanted to be Rock and Roll Stars and by god they did it. Whether it was the social commentary of Cigarrettes and Alcohol or silly singalongs of Supersonic, this was an album rooted around the depressing and the mundane but it turned those images on their heads, and offered us and escape route. This was an album that told you you could escape the monotany of the city and escape to the sunshine, this was an album that told you you could quit the nine to five and become and Rock and Roll Star, and best of all this is an album that didn't care how your garden grows this album promised us that we could Live Forever. It was thrilling, it was immediate, my god it was simple but most of all it was absolutely vital.

So we all knew they couldn't possible top Definitely Maybe and the Gallaghers never really showed any signs that they had the creativity and invention of the Beatles or Radiohead, no this was a band who knew what they did best, and were going to stick to it. They were going to write big simple thrilling pop songs, so irresistable that you couldn't help but sing them at the top of your lungs. (What's The Story) Morning Glory? was ultimately the best we could now hope for from Oasis, a record where the bit hits out weighed the misses. This record is rather take it or leave it for that reason, for many fans it's the holy bible, but for most people it's a record that is rarely listened to in full. Noel himself is aware of this, he's often spoke about how embarssed he is looking back at Roll With It and hopefully he's equally ashamed of the cringe inducingly morose She's Electric. However for every track that makes your eyes roll there was a track that forced you to throw your arms around your mates and sing along; Wonderwall, Don't Look Back In Anger, Morning Glory, Hello, What's The Story and Some Might Say. This was a record made for the festivals, and it was their last real artistic high point.

Oh dear oh dear, it was time for Oasis to attempt to spread their creative wings, and we all knew this wasn't going to be pretty, but we all hoped we'd get some decent tunes out of it. Well lets start with the experimentation, this of course meant not coming up with something knew but more thoroughly mining their influences so the groove laden tracks of the Stone Roses and the lyrical abstraction of The Beatles, were thoroughly cut, copied and pasted into "new" Oasis tracks. The results were predictably cringe inducing. First of all does anybody want to hear nine minute Oasis tracks? Of course not, Metallica with all their technical brilliance, struggle to fill nine minutes, let alone, these chord bashing retro rockers. Secondly the lyrics were horrible, Noel is a gifted everyman writter, he's Paul McCartney, and that's fine, unfortunately he's not John Lennon too, that fact became painfully obvious on this record. Do You Know What I Mean was the worst offender a dirge of a seven minute single, with such a basic hook that hits you over the head with it's bluntness, some recycled Roses grooves and some horrible lyrics ("Questions are the answers you might need...I'm not good looking but I'm someone's child"). Everything on this record felt old, overly long, desperate and dated, with one exception My Big Mouth one big ballsy track that rocked your socks, shame their weren't four more of it's ilk and this record might actually be tolerable.

Now this was exactly what we needed after Be Here Now, a collection of B sides to remind us why we loved Oasis in the first place. Make no mistakes this is a terrible album, most of this record is bogged down in substandard filler, but it has such glorious highs, this album had tracks that would live forever. The problem with Be Here Now was that while it wasn't completely horrible, it was so bland, mediocre and boring that it was in many ways less interesting than an old fashion stinker. The Masterplan on the other hand was a loaded with awful tracks but it gave the world what we'd missed on Be Here Now those short sharp burst of pop writting brilliance. There was Aquisence, Fade Away, Talk Tonight & of course the lovely emotional Half The World Away, this was Oasis doing what they did best big brilliant pop singles. Best of all there was one last stroke of glorious everyman songwritting left; the truly inspired and brilliant title track. The perfect way to cap a mostly bad collection of songs that reminded us why we loved Oasis in the first place.

So after a brief career retrospective in the form of The Masterplan we were hurled back down to earth with a reminder of where Oasis were in real time. Standing On The Shoulder Of Giants showed a band breft of ideas and creatively bankrupt. They tried to push the envelope, but they weren't really envelope pushers, Oasis are and always will be a classic hitmaking pop band, but they could never come to terms with this fact, and Standing On The ShoulderOf Giants was the first really sign that Oasis were going to slowly fade away rather than glorious burn out. They tried darker more drawn out themes, with more psychodelic soundscapes but it just failed miserably. Gas Panic! showed Oasis struggling against the tide, trying to move forward and trying to sound vital but instead it saw them once again sounding like followers and dad rockers rather than revolutionaries. Ironically it was the one shameless retro rock moment Fuckin' In The Bushes that provided the albums greatest thrill and most memorable thrill but everything else fell flat, highlighted by the god awful Who Feels Love? and worst of all the Liam penned Little James. A complete and utter musical failure, a sign that Oasis and the 21st Century were not compatible.

So depending on your point of view this was either a return to midly bad form or it was Oasis's worst album yet. I tend to fall in the former catagory. This record is completely and utterly awful and has very few redeeming features. It's dad rock with cringe inducing lyrics, boring guitar work, and about as much creativity as a Quo record. I can see why many would dispise this record, as the ultimate amalgamation of everything awful that lerks within Oasis. A lump of forgetable retro rock, with it's feet firmly in the past devoid of any spark or any immediacy. However on the other hand, it was a return to the holding pattern, sure fire hits surrounded by abysmal filler. Hindu Times was embarssing lets face it, but it shot to number one, with it's simple hook that people could relate to and enjoy, no matter how primitive it's thrills. Then there was Stop Crying Your Heart Out, Little By Little and Songbird, the big ballsy singalong ballads that fans had been crying out for. So it maybe an awful album, but it gives us the kind of fond memories that were so non existant on Standing On The Shoulder Of Giants.

So the album titles had reached a new low but the perhaps Oasis had found a new high. Don't Believe The Truth had finally seen Oasis become what they'd always threaten to be; The UK's answer to AC/DC. This was proudly lame, retro rock. This was your five out of ten palatable album with a handful of big hits. This record did nothing to restore Oasis's relevance, they still felt like an aging antique who returned every so often to make us smile and make us cringe in equal measure. This record did have one thing, that the previous three albums had lacked; vigour. Oasis felt hungry, they still lacked creativity but they sounded like a band who wanted to matter again. This can perhaps be attributed to Noel spreading the song writting credits around. On Mucky Fingers Noel sounded like a pissed off middle aged man who was proud to be old school, Importance Of Being Idle was a smash hit so catchy it actually latches onto your brain and drains your IQ and of course Let There Be Love was a horrible embarssement, but it couldn't all be good news. As Lyla proved, they were still lame, they were still irrelevant, but they were having fun and trying hard and really that's the best we could have hoped for.

So after five awful albums, remarkably, Oasis, if this is to be their last album have gone out on a high. Dig Out Your Soul isn't a classic by any means but it took all that progressive effort on Don't Believe The Truth and channelled it into some intriguing musical moments. Unfortunately the cost for this new found relevance was a reduction in record sales. Dig Out Your Soul clearly lacked the huge hit potential of the previous two offerings but it actually had the kind of tracks that in a few years time you can come back to and geniunely enjoy for their own musical merits. Perhaps most surprsingly having given Oasis arguably their worst ever track Little James on Standing On The Shoulder Of Giants, eight years later Liam would pen the gorgeous sparse ballad I'm Outta Time, his finest songwritting moment and the albums undoubted highlight. It still feels retro, but it's honest and soulful, two qualities desperately lacking on Oasis for more than a decade. Not to be completely out done, Noel and the rest of the rhythem second were laying down some slick grooves on this record culminating in the excellent single Falling Down. However Dig Out Your Soul still bares the weaknesses of every other Oasis album, but if this is to be the last Oasis album, it's a good note to end on. It shows them finally managing to incorperate their influences in a subtle and dare I say creative way. So after struggling for the best part of decade they'd finally arrived at a state of happy mediocrity.

So you start out your career as one of the hottest pop rock outfits on the market, you wear eyeliner and have really long track titles like the Smiths so you get labelled emo and you promptly conquer the world. Of course after all the fun, record sales and festival bottlings the salacious camp pop feels ever so immature, so naturally you dig into your record collection and "evolve" into a 60s psyche pop outfit. Your music is still as dreamy and catchy as ever but your fan base is fickle, you're not cool anymore, you don't bomb but you don't blow up either, you're stuck in limbo. Limbo as many of you will know is the worst place to be, it's better to be a glorious trainwreck than apathetically competant. So Panic have seen members come and go, and those who are still interested are wondering what is to come next? The answer; New Perspective.

The title itself is a little misleading, as there is absolutely nothing new on display here. Panic have instead gone back to basics. A return to the formula that brought them success in the first place. Big catchy hooks, soft sweet sweeping harmonies and those "saucy" lyrics "Can we fast forward till you go down on me", oh Brendon your such a bad boy. Musically it's tightly played, but it's very safe, it never thrills, it never takes you by surprise, it does exactly what you'd expect of it. There's no danger to this record, New Perspectives is not a track that will get everyone talking but it's so mild and palatable it can't fail either. It really lacks the kick, punch and creavity of their first album. When Brendon weaves his lyrics he's trying hard to be edgy and cool, but it's doesn't click, compared to the sweat, sticky, sexy and most of all theatrical lyrics of Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off; New Perspectives sounds abou as ground breaks as *shudder* McFly. So another comeback, another act who settles for playing it safe, Panic have taken a step back, but one which may win back those fans who have been sliding away. Some will herald New Perspective as a return to form, the rest of us will greet it with a long drawn out yawn.

So before we reveal our respected number one's lets remind you of the top ten. We're going to start with the albums and here we go.

"Oh Charles Don't You Ever Crave To Appear On The Front Of The Daily Mail, Dressed In Your Mother's Bridal Veil", when it comes to statements of intent and tracks that encapsulate the entire ethos of a band in one glorious pop song, no album opener is finer than The Queen Is Dead (Take Me Back To Dear Old Blighty). It's a track that had it all, and thundering rhythem, glorious flourishes of guitar and of course Morrissey at the pinnacle of his powers. Morrissey is not only in fine voice, but he is dishing out these delicious witty jabs, that are so deep and cutting that they set him apart from any other song writer in musical history. The juaxtaposition on this record is utterly irrestiable. The Queen Is Dead track sees the Smiths reverse their usual roles, the guitars and drums kick hard, the message of the track is serious and dark, a bold and anti-monarchy statement combined with a some brooding introspection, yet in the midst of all this swirl visercal rage comes such sheer hilarity. It's ridiculous, and it's not a punk rocker decrying George Bush and making a cock joke, this is humour of the highest order, it's utterly delicious, it's self deprecating, it conjures ridiculous imagery. This is the record when Morrissey was a rock god, a pop star, a political activist, a poet, an operatic diva, a stand up comedian and best of all and honest to god artist.

We'll start with the comedy because Morrissey is on brilliant form, his turn of phrase is perfect from the first line ("Her very lowness with her head in a sling"). The highlight of the albums opener comes when Morrissey croons of breaking into Buckingham Palace;

It's barmy, it's off the wall, it's destinctly British and it's completely unique. When we look back at music's great lyricist, it will always be said that Morrissey is without a peer. There are other greats, but Morrissey is incomparible he's in a class of his own, he's like a huge one man melodrama, playing each and every part, going from the sublime, to the ridiculous. I struggle to think of another lyricist who can be so funny and yet so cutting and so affecting all in the same instance. You can see the Smiths influence to this very day, they pretty much created the entire cultural underpinning of Emo and of course it only takes a cursory examination of a Lily Allen record to see that the art of juaxtaposition is still going strong. Of course I said I'd start with the comedy and could there be a record more joyous and more comedic that Frankly Mr. Shankly, a track so charming, it completely disarms you on first listen and it's more serious undertones grab you subconsciously. It's a work of pop art, it combines timeless truisms ("This job pays my way and it corrodes my sould") and ludicrious lyrics that can't help but make you smile ("You are a flatculant pain in the arse"). Of course Morrissey is at his best when he does both at once, in possible my favourite lyric of all time; "I want to live and I want to love, I want to catch something that I might be ashamed of".

The Queen Is Dead is an emotional rollercoster, it takes you from hilarious highs to utter heartbreaking lows. From the laugh out loud thrills of Frankly Mr. Shankly we head to the tragedy of I Know It's Over. A song of such great resonance, It expresses such powerful emotive themes that we've all felt at one time or another, it's about loneliness and heart ache.

It's full of tragic eternally quotable lines;

"Loud loutish lover treat her kindly, though she needs you more than she loves you"

It's a brutal wrenching song, it feels like an opera, it's starts slowly and sombrely before building and building into a glorious widescreen full blown epic conclusion. It's huge, it's mamoth, it's almost uncontainable, but at it's heart it's a touching and emotive masterpiece of tender emotive song writing. It is part of a trio of tracks whose emotional power is only matched by their knowing pomposity. Never Had No One Ever follows, and this track is without the joy, it's hard, it bludgens, it's an unrelenting emotional beatdown as Morrissey insists again and again "I'm Alone, I'm Alone, I'm Alone", it's a bold track, it has a ghostly arrangement with a huanting whistle that blows towards the end, it's harsh and chilling, it's like a suicide note come to life, but in the form of a Shakespearean stage play. Then of course there's the third of the albums emotional epics, a song that hardly needs introduction, and you should damn well know it's name before I type it. The track I'm refering to is of course the devine There Is A Light That Never Goes Out. This is the undisputed pinnacle, it has power, it has punch, and it's biggest emotional punchline is interlinked with a maccabre peice of humour;

The Queen Is Dead is the ultimate in black humour, no record even comes close. The fact that you can have a track so beautiful, so powerful and so god damn brilliant as There Is A Light... and then follow it with Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others. A track of whismy and of throwaway humour, it's light, it's frothy, it's inescapibly infectious and yet it closes the album. Is it one last big joke orchestrated on us, the paying costumer? We are taken on this heartwrenching thrill ride culminating in the perfect moment of There Is A Light... and then they end with a two minute jape. It's as ballsy a move as I've ever seen; imagine if at the end of Gone With The Wind if after saying "Frankly I don't give a damn" if they'd thrown in a fart gag. It's ridiculous, it's the last thing they should have done, yet it's absolutely perfect.

It's always hard to single out tracks on a record of this quality to talk about but the one track that is deserving of extra special attention is Cemetry Gates. It's quite simply the wittiest song ever written. It's a delightful romp, with a lovely sunny guitar line, while Morrissey shows of his brilliant turn of phrase. It's joyous and maccabre, a walk through a cemetry on a "dreaded sunny day", they skip along and "gravely reading stones", before falling out over a quote which one of the protaganist tried to proclaim as their own work when of course it wasn't. It's seems a bizzare topic for a novel let alone a song but it works to a tee. Each and every line is enthralling, as Morrissey croons "if you must write prose or poems the words you use should be your own, don't plagarise or take on loan". The whole scene is ridiculous, but it's so querky and it's some how believable, walking through a grave yard and becoming engrossed in a pretentious debate, no wonder the Smiths are the prenenial students favourites. Cemetry Gates encapsulates the album as a whole it deals with deadly serious themes of death and the meaning of life but it gets lost in futility and comedy. It speaks to the futility of human life, we have our big hopes, dreams and ambitions but somehow we always get side tracked, corrupted and plans change. The Smiths laugh out our and their own pomposity, at the hopelessness of it all. Life can be hopeless, tragic and brutal if you let it, but instead take it lightly, treat it as one big joke a flight of fancy. After all as Oscar Wilde once says "Life Is Far Too Important To Be Taken Seriously".

The real key to the track are the wits who get named dropped "Oh Keates and Yates are on your side, but you lose, for the love of Wilde is on mine". It's a great line, but the point is more subtly, when we think of the Smiths as musicians and albums, it ranks not along side Doolittle and Thriller, instead The Queen Is Dead sits alongside The Importance Of Being Earnest and Twelfth Knight. It's a great work of melodrama and wit, Morrissey's peers are not Lennon and Cobain but Wilde and Yates. The Queen Is Dead is a work of art, it's utter tragic whismy, and that is why it is the best album of the eighties and possible of all time. It's transcendant, it's sets itself apart, it breaks as many rules as it writes. Morrissey's does have the love of Wilde on his side, Morrissey is his twenty first century heir, and The Queen Is Dead is his masterpiece. It is everything and nothing, it is the most important emotional affecting album you will ever hear, and yet it isn't, it's a silly goof, fully of jokes and flights of fancy. The Queen Is Dead is The Importance Of Being Earnest it's as hugely deep and incredibly shallow, it's beautiful and it's hideous, tragedy and joy, it's all of these things all at once, and yet it's none of the above. The Queen Is Dead is like nothing else, it is a truely unique work, and it most certainly is the greatest of album of the eighties by the decades greatest artists. So remember next time you list the great artists it goes Oscar Wilde, Mark Rothko, Stanley Kubrick, Tom Ford, Woody Allen, Stephen Morrissey & Johnny Marr.

So of course after having the tragic predictable number one in the album list, I had to throw a little bit of a curve ball in the singles list. It's not really that much of a stretch however, as Take On Me is still an unstoppable anthem to this very day. It's the ultimate in eighties synth pop. While I'd be hard pressed to ague against anyone who'd suggest Love Will Tear Us Apart is the greater song, it most certainly is. It has greater resonance, emotive power, it has great swathes of tragedy and dispear and it's endlessly danceable but that's not what the eighties were all about. When we think back to eighties pop culture now, two words spring to mind; fun and cheese. A brutal heart wrenching slice of death disco wouldn't suffice, the true greatest song of the eighties, has to be huge, commercial, silly, and utterly irrepressible. Take On Me is all of those things, it's utterly glorious, every inch of it is pop perfection.

It's one of those tracks that will forever be engrained in our collective consciousness. I could go up to every single person I know and start singing this song and I garentee they'd start singing along, try doing that with Joy Division I dare you. This truely is a case of everythings in it's right place, the way the drums pound in and then that epic keyboard line, followed by the gloriously syruppy eighties vocals leading to that ridiculously high chorus that everyone at one time in their life has tried and hideously failed to belt out. It's an utter gem, it's almost too well regarded to call it cheese, it's just an epic, and no matter how many horrible cash in covers are churned out the original has never been phased. It's one of those tracks that forces you to drop your facade and just enjoy at one time or another. It's sheer unrelenting joy, not to be taken too seriously.

Of course how could I conclude without mentioning that video. If I have to describe it to you, then I seriously question why your reading this blog, have you been devoid of pop culture for the last twenty years? It remains my all time favourite video. There are those that are better, more artistic, funnier, but this is a video that ticks all the boxes, it's charming and it's utterly captivating. Hell even twenty years later it's still being parodied just watch Family Guy (actually don't its horrible lately) or go on youtube have a browse, this is a piece of music television history that will never die. This track is eternal, forever young, it's incredibly dated, yet it never ages, what could be more eighties than that?

So we all heard the news that Oasis had to pull out because Liam had a bit of a soar throat, oh well, I'd never seen them before but I can't say I was overly fussed. They've only got one good album, albeit and amazing good one in the form of Definitely Maybe followed by some of the most cringe inducing and retrospective follow ups in music history, so no big. I had a great time, I just feel sorry for those who bought day tickets specifically to see Oasis. So enough babble on with the show

I have some pictures that I'll add in due course but for now I'll just get down to the reviewing nitty gritty. So after two accidents on the road I just managed to scrape into the festival just in time to see the love of my life Miss...

I saw Lily back at V 2006 on the second stage before the Manic Street Prechers, it was quite the one two punch back then, and she easily surpased that performance. She no longer has to rely on some weaker album tracks this was all killer no filler. As those who watched Glastonbury would have noticed she's beefed up many of her many tracks with dance remixes, the D'n'B version of smile is an absolute delight and a clear highlight. As was the brilliant Oh My God/Everything's Just Wonderful tamdem, a perfect blend and with a sudden switch. Lily was in good voice today, and her banter was as good as ever, it's nice to see her chilled out goofing around with the cricket and seeming more proffesional while still retaining and every girl feel. I won't get into her dancing or clothes as I'm in danger of sounding like the world's biggest stalker. Lily easily replaces Amy Winehouse as the best pop act I've ever seen live, reclaiming her throne which was briefly pinched away. She has everything down, she has the hits, she has the songwritting, she has the personality, and it's the last factor that really makes the difference, she doesn't need big dance numbers or flashy extras to sell the show, it's just Lily. The biggest improvement in the set if it's superb streamlining and how the songs perfectly fit together, it feels like an experience moving from place to place, and it has to be said Womanizer is a superb choice of track to cover. However I've saved the best till last, Not Fair, is just a fucking anthem, there's no other way to put it, when you can get all the men in the feild to start singing along to a harsh and brutally cynical song about being crap in bed you know you've done something right. Live it takes on a new persona, its huge, it's not epic, but it's so danceable and singable, it shoots right into my top ten live tracks (a list that I'll be doing later in the year). So while I wouldn't have said it before, the sheer awesomeness of Not Fair means I can legitimately say Lily Allen is one of the acts you must see live before you die, and that is honestly without my usual bias.

As I suspected The Specials drew a respectable enough crowd but against the queens of gash pop the Ting Tings on the other stage, there's only one direction the V crowd were going to head. I should point out Ting Tings are one of the worst bands I've ever seen live, and no it wasn't a bad night I've seen them twice and they actually got worse. The Specials on the other hand were sublime, they weren't top level quality, but they were perfect in the afternoon sun. The ideal band to have a sing song and sillily dance like your dad to. Intriguingly they feel more relevant now than ever, with the wave of gang attacks and knife crimes in urban city centres (even though the Media do blow it out of all porportion), the Specials calming message of love over violence, seems more apt than ever. So it may not be the Nation Front against the Rude Boys but the parallels are there, and it just warms you heart seeing the Specials. Music wise it was everything you want, the best slowees like Night Club and then the danceathons Too Much Too Young and of course Monkey Man. However, more than just a merry trip down memory lane the Specials had a suprise in hand for us, as they called on their friend "Amy" to join them for a song. Sure enough Winehouse arrived for the sure fire set closers You're Wondering Now and of course Ghost Town. So a big suprise and some fun in the sun what more could a guy ask for...(I'm sure I'd normally do a Lily joke here, but I'll take the high road).

So when I saw Calvin Harris back a Wireless two or tree years ago, I detested it, his music was so limmited, he was so cocky, it was all too in your face. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a good time dancing but it was a shallow thrill. So has he learnt any new tricks in 2009? Well not really, he has more songs and you can see he's torn between being a hit maker and trying to do something progressive, he of course normally leans towards the former. However I'm not here to rip on Calvin, I don't care for his personality but he puts on a good show, and works hard to make sure the crowd are having a good time. The overly loud backing vocal that shatters any illusion of him singing is a bit of downer but other that he was pretty good. What gives him the X Factor is the simplicity of his music, if you don't like any of the bands on go see Calvin Harris, it may be shallow but it's so damn immediate you'll be singing along to songs you've never even heard before in seconds. And it may well be a cluster fuck on record but I dare any of you to not have the time of you life shouting the "Ooooooh" in Ready For The Weekend. So all in all, solid, dependable, and still fun, Calvin is perfect festival fodder.

I am so torn about this set, I can't describe it. Anyway, I had to race to give my mate Harry his ticket and then merge into the monsterous crowd that The Killers had drawn, I have to say even at V I was surprised to see them do this well especially up against Fat Boy Slim and 2 Many DJs who are no slouches in the drawing power department. So what of the set? I'm utterly enfuriated, they played brilliantly, they played everything you wanted to hear, in the order you wanted to hear it, they had a passion crowd ready and waiting and....It was too FUCKING quiet. I thought it was just Glastonbury as when I saw Killers at V 2006 and Reading 2004 there was no sound issue, they weren't the loudest but it sounded great. So I'd put the reports of sound issues at Reading 2008 out of my mind, and I was flabbergasted, the crowd were singing there hearts out, destroying our throats and when you wanted the big guitar lick to kick in so you could bounce it was just limp. It's so hard to describe how annoying this is, the set teased you with it's brilliance, and then pulled the rug out from under. I actually can't fault their playing, or Brandon's singing which was much better this year, it's just a minor technical issue that keeps letting them down. It made you feel bad to clap or singalong as you felt you'd be ruining it for everyone around you. However in the same token with a sequin star studded set list including Mr Brightside, Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine, Somebody Told Me, All These Things That I've Done, Smile Like You Mean It, Human, Spaceman, Bones & Read My Mind to name a few it's hard to complain. In a nice touch they also through in a cover of Joy Division's Shadowplay complete with a montage of Control on the big screens. I don't know what score to give this, had it been suitably loud, Killers would have leaped well up my live band rankings because it was awesome, and yet it wasn't.

And on the way out I caught a glimpse of Amy and Pete Doherty singing Albion and sharing a brief kiss, so more newsworthiness to end the day.

So Beat It will always be my favourite MJ track but in terms pure eighties pop genius Billie Jean is unbeatable, it remains the best song he ever wrote even retrospectively, enjoy the legendary performance that set him on the way to superstardom at the Motown tribute show.

A part of me wanted more than anything to make this song number one but it will have to settle for nineth. Taken from the brilliant Dare album, eighties tracks don't come more infectious than this. It's a total paradox both dripping with cool and smelling of cheese, but never anything less than brilliant.

Now you know this top ten is ridiculously strong when Blue Monday only places eighth. This has to be the greatest indie dance track of all time. It's just genius, every thunder clap, the robotic beat, the synthic "aaaahhhs", it all slides together perfectly around some of best dead pan vocals ever sung. A true masterpiece.

I have to say I'm more than a little excited, tomorrow I get to see the girl of my dreams Miss Lily Allen followed by her favourite band the legendary specials. With the backdrop of the Brixton race riots and chaos on streets along came a mix race group, with a West Indian flavour and one foot firmly on the dancefloor to define the entire era. Lyrically the Specials were on another planet but most of all we just wanted to dance, and Ghost Town brought the Specials two great powers together to perfectly encapsulate a unique period of social strife.

"Oh Shut your mouth, how can you say, I go about things the wrong way, I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does", songwritting par excellence, enough said.

How pissed am I that he didn't play this my favourite Springsteen track when I saw him back in July. I'll forgive him, but next time he comes around he better play it, damn those lucky folk at Glasto. Who knew the harmonica could be so powerful? Tender, heartbreaking and beautiful. Bruce creates the ultimate working mans ballad, a true heart breaker.

"I would go out tonight, but I haven't got a stich to wear" I think students will be belting that line out from now until the end of time. A controversial decision to finish above How Soon Is Now? but as a single, it has to get the nod, short, joyous and crammed full with bucket loads of delicious wit, another perfect single courtesy of Morrissey & Marr.

"Aaaaahooooooooo" the ultimate festival anthem, there's nothing like being lost in amongst a sea of humanity and singing the epic line "Where Is My Mind". This track needs little in the way of explination it's simply a thing of beauty.

Okay so just a few songs back I called Blue Monday the ultimate indie disco track, well I may have to revise that statement. A soaring beautiful arrangement contrasted against Ian Curtis' sombre croon, it's a beautiful track that never fails to bring a tear to your eye. Heartfelt, beautiful and eternal but only the second best single of the eighties.....(yes some of you are probably going to get pissed off all over again).

I recently wrote a very long peice on this album (it's listed under music reviews if your interested), because I have to be honest until this summer I had never listened to this record. It seems quite incredible looking back, considering my love for American Alternative music in this period that I'd never actually listened to the Genre's magnum opus and many American's concensus pick for the greatest album of all time. Well of course I fell in love with the record on first listen, it's simply sublime and incredibly infectious. It's an album of great contrasts, the gorgeous laid back dreamy observational songwritting of Thurston Moore and the scathing rath of rock goddess Kim Gordon. This was a band that perfectly captured the zietgiest. That disaffected alternative American culture is perfectly encapsulated by this record. From the perfect title DayDream Nation to that beautiful and affecting album artwork, every inch of this album is sublime.

Thurston's spacey day dreamy melodies float perfectly on the gorgeous Teenage Riot as he croons with such a sense of disaffected joy. You feel like your walking around New York City half a sleep in a daze, it's a heavenly track. Elsewhere, Sonic Youth are torturing there instruments and warping perceptions, the excellent Silver Rocket starts out as a straight rocker before breaking down into a rasping scraping musical meltdown. This is a signature of Daydream Nation even the most seemingly simple of songs confounds you expectations, they warp, evolve and the challenge you the listener. The music can be abbrasive but it's always controlled you feel like your on a journey, that every last scrathy riff and stab of guitar is utterly essential. Kim Gordon is the real star on this record, while this album is perfect from track one to track twelve, she is simple uber cool. On The Sprawl she's the ultimate femme fatale, she in your face, she's disgusted by you, and yet while she's mocking you and burying consumerism you can't help but love it, her cynical tones are a sheer delight. My own personal highlight is album closer Trilogy bringing together three great invidual tracks into one great music clusterfuck, its a long esxcaberating journey, grueling and yet beautiful. As far as musical relevance and importance records don't come much bigger than this, it's simply impossible to imagine the next twenty years of American music without Daydream Nation and Doolittle. Ultimately this record is all things to all people a visceral jab of rough around the edges alternative punk, an ice cool pop record, or the first and last word in avante guard rock, honestly, who cares? Only one word can really do justice to Daydream Nation: genius.