Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

Geez after doing my top ten Shawn Michaels matches it's a real reality check to go back to reviewing iMPACT! I'll try to put the contrast out of my mind and review this fairly.


Triple H may be the King Of Kings but Jeff Jarrett is the God of God (according to Jeff Jarrett): Jeff opens the show, he's obviously recovered from having the shit beaten out of him by Mick Foley and is managing to stand despite having his "hamstring torn off the bone". Anyway Jeff is pretty good in this role, for the two people that didn't see it coming Jeff Jarrett is the forth man in the fatal four way. "I ignited this fire, and I'm gonna put it out".

Foley of course interupts. Foley admits Jeff is wrong for saying he faked a hamstring injury but apparently Mick heard it tearing right off the bone, geez. Foley says he hates Jeff, his old man and he said he made Jeff scream like a woman. "What are you going to sacrifice at sacrifice?". Mick wants him to sacrifice his voting share in TNA. "Deal or no Deal?"....."You man enough to put up those shares?", Jeff then says on Sunday he's "all in".

Foley says "let's hear it for Jeff for suddenly, magically growing a set. Foley then books four matches to makes sure their all ready for sunday. Eric Young vs. Sting, Matt Morgan vs. Kurt Angle, Joe vs. Jarrett and Foley vs. a World Champ who wants a peice of Foley.

Fine opening segment, this stuff with Jeff being forced against his will to wrestle in high profile matches is really grating. This is the best Foley interview thus far in TNA.

Angle is mad, Daniels is determined: Kurt is angry at Sting again, I'm not sure why, Daniels is determined to win the X title and suicide assures us that he is in fact Suicide.

Daniels & Suicide deafeat Leathal Consequences & The Motor City Machine Guns: The highlight of the match is Don West on commentary with his absolute insistance that Daniels is Suicide and that he's swerved us into giving him a title shot. Don even does a good job explaining why Angle is mad at Sting. The Machine GUnes go some nice slingshot and top rope double team offence. The Guns hit a lovely back breaker knee drop combo and a Back breaker Enzenguri combo. Suicide of course gets the hot tag in this match up, Sabin hits a lovely top rope diving swinging DDT on Lethal in one of the highlights of the match. This is one of those typical TNA matches were the action breaks down to non stop spots and athleticism. Daniels hits a nice arabian moonsault, Suicide wins the match with his version of the long borrower. Good athleticism but totally inconsiquencial action, a fun five minutes. (**)

Half the PPV hasn't been hyped: Tenay and west run down the card and I can't help but notice that two matches that you'd think would be considered major match ups Joe vs. Nash and Booker vs. AJ have recieved little to no hype. They then show Booker T and Nash training together for their "big match ups", wow, is that it seriously? They have to be two of the worst hyped matches in history. Not to mention the X division title match which they just threw out on TV tonight.

Team 3D cut the shame promo again: Yes Bubba says that Tag wrestling is great, TNA has the best tag division, they want to leave behind a great legacy of tag team wrestling, they owe their lives to tag team wrestling. You get the picture? Yeah its well delivered but we've been getting this stuff for weeks. Ray turns his attention to the British Invasion, he acuse them of having no class and dignity, saying that Beer Money at least have some class and dignity.

The British Invasion then make their way to ringside. Oblivion is confused, "You might wonder why we have the bollocks, to come out here and face you", Rob Terry is there insurance policy. 3D have heard enough and a brawl erupts, Rob Terry clobbers both of TNA with a briefcase. They hit Ray with the flying European uppercut spinebuster combo. "Now that is how you make a name for yourself, RULE BRITANIA"...yes he actually said that. Beer Money run in and make the save.

I enjoyed this segment they really have done a good job of building towards the tag tournement. Okay of course I'm going to cheer for the home team but I really like the British invasion, Rob Terry can fuck off, but Oblivion and Doug are a really fun team. Bring in Nigel McGuiness and you have money.

Eric Young whines: Jeff and Eric are arguing, Eric thinks everything is unfair, Jeff tells him to get some balls, is that the theme of the show. Looks like they are foreshadowing a heel turn.

Kurt Angle loves impact: Sting is angry with Kurt and asks him if he even watches the show, Kurt says "Yeah, sometimes even twice". Sting then explains to Kurt that he was screwed by Foley the same way Kurt was screwed by Jeff. They agree to team up to return the world title to the Main Event title. Kurt then wants to have a play fight....Well I hate to say it but I'm really enjoying the show so far, I love Kurt's comedy, and its better when his ludicrious egotism is mixed in with serious storylines rather than playing it purely for comedy.

Sting Defeats Eric Young with Relative ease: The match starts out respectful until Young slaps Sting, both men miss Stinger splashes and Young gets his flip spot in but he spends most of the match bumping around and selling for Sting. Most of the match is absorb by near count outs with Young lying on the outside. Sting counters a torpedo dropkick into the Scorpion Death Lock and Young has no choice but to tap.
They gave Young a respectable amount of offence but Sting never had to break a sweat. Glad they kept Sting strong but I feel they should make Sting's appearences more special. (3/4*)


Knockouts Contract Signing: Jim Cornette brings out Kong and Love and tells them this is not a match he wants some decrum. Angelina Love signs the contract first, Saeed then signs the contract on Kong's behalf. "I would actually like to say something Mr. Cornette"...Angelina is doing her annoying apology voice and she is truly sorry. Love says at Sacrifice they should go out there and tear the house down. Love then says after the match "I'm going to treat you to a make over, because I'm nice like that, I am". Love then rips on Kong's hair, make up and clothes. Love then says "I'm going to send you to the bestest fat farm in the world, and get your butt in shape, or there's always lippo". Love then says Kong can join Mi Pi Sexy rather than being a hideous beast. They shake hands but of course Kong chokes her and the referee's break it up, Kong then awesome bombs Rudy Charles through a table as Love looks scared. Another really enjoyable segment, Love is excellent in this role. Seriously this is not the same iMPACT! I've been watching for the last two weeks.

AJ Reminds us he's still on the show: Lauren ask AJ about his "I quit" match, AJ says he's never quit in his life, he talks about his wife trying to convince him to quit but he refused even though he was earning diddly squat. AJ says either him or Booker will have to say it and "it will not be me", AJ doesn't care about Joe. I'm thinking his promos have gone backwards now he's got angry.

Matt Morgan is a twat: Seriously I hate this man, even though he's not that bad of a wrestler, not that bad of a talker, I just can't stand him everything about this man is so fucking annoying, and its not in the good way, not like the Miz I don't want to pay to see this guy get beaten up I want to pay him to go away, and stay away. Anyway he says he stil wants to be in the Mafia.

Kurt Angle defeats Matt Morgan: Morgan uses his power early in the match to get hims advantage, Morgan swings Kurt into the steel guard rail in a nice spot. Morgan slaps on a chinlock to absorb a minute or so. Kurt makes the come back with the rolling german suplexes. Morgan counters the Angle Slam with the carbon foot print for a near fall. Angle reverse the Hellevator into the Ankle lock but Morgan kicks him off. Morgan hits fallaway slam and goes for the hellatavor but its countered with a small package for the 1-2-3 in about five minutes.
Relatively good TV match nothing to really right home about, Kurt was good, but the best way to describe Matt Morgan is that he thinks he's Brock Lesnar when in all actuality he's test. (*1/4)

Lauren sucks Jeff's dick...erh...metaphorically: Oh Jeffery your hamstring is hanging by a thread, how can you even walk, doctors say you shouldn't wrestle, how can you face Joe let alone Foley, oh Jeffery you're so brave....gag pass the sick bag.

Z-List Ho can speak: Jenna Marsca is really happy to be apart of the Main Event Mafia but wants Sharmell to apologise. Huh that's funny, see I want her to not be in the main event mafia and I'd like Sharmell to push her off a cliff....different strokes for different jokes I guess.

Joe is deader than Zed, and Zed's dead baby: Yes his pop has been reduced to a murmur, you know when Jeff Jarrett is a hotter character than you your fucked. Anyway this is a match, Joe throws Jeff into the crowd and beats him up. Don West makes fun of Jeff's hamstring injury and this is undoubtably the highlight of the match. Joe kicks Jeff in the leg consistantly at ringside. Slick Johnson tries to stop Joe destroying Jeff's ankle and the match is thrown out. AJ and Joe brawl on the outside.
Geez its so depressing each an every time you see Joe these days, christ, I say this every week but it was only a year ago that Joe was the hottest Act in TNA. God two years ago this could have been a PPV main event, a good one at that. (1/4*)

Foley vs. ???: Today is a great night for fans allover the world. Foley will do battle with a house hold name, known throughout the world, from the city of brotherly love, the former heavyweight champion of the world...ROCKY BALBOA!!!! Don West sells it like it's real "who'd ever forget the batter with Clubber Lang or the Russian". Mickie and security carry a carboard cut out to the ring.

Foley sells two jabs from the Carboard cut out before giving Rocky a suplex and then a piledriver. Foley then botches the people's elbow and gets the 1-2-3! FIVE STARS!!!! Foley then does a Rocky impersonation, he thanks Rocky for fighting him, he thanks the fans, "with the execption of my kids being born this is the greatest day of my life....Yo Collette I did it".

Jeff's hamstring as magically reattached and he storms to the ring. "You've made a mockery of the promotion I started seven years ago", yeah because Mick Foley made TNA a mockery. Jeff attacks Foley, Kurt gives Jeff an angle slam and an ankle lock. Sting comes out and tries to make peace but Foley hits Sting wth a chair. Jeff gives Kurt the stroke and Foley gives Jeff a chair shot.

Overall Thoughts: Ugh...for fourty minutes I was really enjoying this show, the tag stuff, the knockout stuff, the angle comedy and the Foley opening were all gone, but this show as always tried to do too much, and just got dragged down and down, until a limp conclusion. Not a hate able show but a frustrating, lots of promise, but alot of the same old flaws. Fine addition. (6/10)