Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

Flair is back Wooooh! Randy Orton comes to the ring and talks about how he beat down Batista and was ready to finish him until Flair showed up. Ric has different ideas. Flair looks insanely motivated to be back. Flair gets all in Randy's face, demands that Orton looks him straight in the eye, Flair absolutely merks Orton on the mike. Flair cuts a really great promo talking about how Orton was the chosen one but "zoooom" Batista blew right by him, to the be the man wooooh! you have to beat Batista and Orton can't do it. Flair then informs Orton that in three weeks there will be no referee, there will be no legacy because he will face Batista inside a steel cage. Orton has a message for Batista and he floors Flair with a straight right hand. Legacy try to run in but Batista makes the save. The numbers game takes over until John Cena evens the score and cleans house leaving the three faces standing triumphant.

Flair looks so motivated, he's not as smooth on the mic as he used to be, but then he use to be the best of all time so what do you expect. What Flair does do so well on the mic is cut the big time serious promo, when Flair talks you know something serious is going down. Great opening segment. I don't think Flair should wrestle but WWE needs big time guys on the mic and Flair is that. Smackdown is so good, if Flair were GM it would have tipped it over the edge. That said RAW's ratings are bombing and Flair is the most consistant ratings drawer in wrestling history from the eighties to noughties, WWE need the Flair effect more than ever.

Cena cuts his serious but silly scripted promo: Cena talks about having a sense of pride, god Cena's delivery is good, but what he says is just horrible, its all cliches, for god sake let the man cut his own promos, he's charismatic and creative we know he can do it. The writers just write B Movie crap. Vickie makes Cena & Batista vs. Legacy. Cena does bad comedy, Cole does his awful laugh.

Kelly Kelly wins the Number One Contendership in a Diva Battle Royal: This was possibly the fasted Battle Royal in human history. Beth hit a nice powerslam and Mickie did some nice work teasing elimination but the majority of the eliminations were horrible. Mickie and Maryse looked insanely hot, Rosa looked good too. Maryse was awesome on commentary, turning face effectively by ripping on Michael Cole although turning back heel by calling Mickie plain. Anyway I got distracted Maryse sprays Hair spray in Mickie's eyes while Kelly is eliminating Beth. Kelly then kicks Mickie off the apron as she spazes out. Maryse looked on cockily and sexily.

Welll that was about the best you could hope for all things considered. Kelly Kelly has been working hard for her chance but this is really Mickie's chance, a three way would be good, as Mickie could wrestle both women most of the time and let them get there spots in briefly hiding their weaknesses. (1/2*)

Santino wins a match! Don't be too shocked it was against Chavo. The match starts slowly with Chavo hitting an atomic drop, Santino acts injured struggling to put weight on hi walking leg, one fan shouts "walk it off" and Santino power walks it off in a funny spot. Chavo gets a European uppercut before going to a surfboard. Santino hulks up as the crowd come to life but he gets powered down. Santino hulks up and hits a big right before suckering Chavo in with a back elbow and a closeline, Santino is suprised his moves work. He hits a back body drop gets confident and runs into a boot. Santino rolls and holds onto the rope to avoid the frog splash. Chavo runs into the top turnbuckle and Santino gets the win with a jacknife cover.

Well considering this was a Chavo-Santino match this was about as good as it possibly could have been, Santino was brilliant totally playing to row Z. Fun comedy match. (3/4*)

Chavo isn't done, he has a trick up his sleeve: Chavo says Santino he better tell his sister to get ready because she'll be defending her Miss Wrestlemania crown against.........VICKIE GUERRERO......excuse me? Did I type that? Yes, Yes I did, IT'S ON!!!!

The two best heels on Raw meet at last: Maryse is speaking French about Kelly Kelly and the camera pans to reveal the Miz, he says he doesn't know what he's saying but bark, bark its hot. Maryse does her cocky speak to the hand gesture. Miz says he's 4-0 on Cena and she should tell the world because he is THE MIZ. Maryse is just brilliant with the facial expression mouthing "oh my gawd" silently. These two are just great characters, RAW should build around them within their respective slots.

Matt continues to whine: Matt denies rumours that Vickie got him to attack Jeff to save Edge. Matt then says he's earned a shot against MVP because he's great. Matt is a great whinner, he's find the role he was born to play.

Orton gets in Vickie's face: Vickie and Chavo are arguing about the Santina match when Randy barges in complaining about the Cage match, Vickie says she was robbed of her main event by Orton and she made it a cage match to make sure Orton doesn't cheat her out of a main event. Orton warns her she doesn't want to get on his bad side.

And Kendrick's Partner is Goldust? Goldust gets a shoulder tackle on Carlito before running into an arm drag but Goldust returns fire with one of his own. Kendrick isn't happy and tags in. Kendrick gets a snap mare and locks in a chinlock screaming at Goldust "did you see that". Carlito slips out of a dragon sleeper and works over Carlito in the corner. Goldust won't cheat and attack behind the referes back and Kendrick gets mad. Primo tags in and gets a nice dropkick and closeline before a Russian leg sweep gets two. Kendrick goes for Sliced Bread but Primo counters excellently and Primo gets the 1-2-3 with a really nice slingshot cross body. POST MATCH: Kendrick gets in Goldust's face and Hornswaggle attacks Kendrick with the Shin Kick of Doom!

Well ridiculously short but they played up the storyline with Kendrick well and the finish was really nice. (3/4*)

Miz dresses up as John Cena: He dresses as Cena and royally merks Cena ripping on all his gimmicks as he walks around in the back. Miz didn't say a word but he's utterly awesome. After the break Cena comes to the ring to Cena's old music. He tells the crowd he's 4-0 against John Cena. Miz says he's dressed like this tonight, he talks about Cena's rap song word life, and Miz has a done a remix. The crowd chant "You Suck", Miz cockily says "oh I haven't heard that one before", Miz says "Cena was first in line to see Star Trek the Movie, he says Cena was twenty five before he ever touch a boobie". Miz then brings out Cena toilet paper. He raps that Cena drives from a Soccer Mum car, he then raps on Cena's movie. Miz tells Cena "to bring it on stop trying to Stalllll (said in rap accent), Cause your looking at the new face of Monday Night Raw". Miz said Cena to get out here but Cena doesn't come out. Miz says that makes it 5-0. Miz says "Cena is dead like a possum, and he is the Miz and Miz is Awesome".

Jerry gets up, Jerry says calling someone out and them not coming out does not count out as a victory. Really? Jerry Lawler calls out Batista who doesn't come out so that makes King 1-0. The King calls out Bruno Sammartino, Hulk Hogan and Steve Austin in a 3-1 handicap match. They of course don't come. Jerry says with his weird logic he'd have a victory over them. Jerry says Miz is talking out of his rear end. Jerry tells Miz to ask Vickie for a match. Miz rips on Jerry's commentary, Miz says maybe he will talk to Vickie when Big Show's music hits!

The crowd were singing along with Show's music. Show says make believe time is over. Cena isn't done with Big Show. Vickie has made a match with Show and Cena a match that Cena physically can't win a submission match. Miz will have to wait, Miz says he can wait, till after Cena's beat show, Miz throws Jerry at Show and runs away. Show then locks Jerry in the camel clutch and looks mad.

Not Miz's best segment but he still exudes awesomeness, some of his lines were razor sharp and his general charisma rather than specific lines was bang on. Big props to the WWE for foreshadowing the Submission match last night by making the point loud and clear that Cena could not lock the STF on Big Show. Fun segment.

MVP retains the US Title against Matt Hardy. Matt Hardy gets a small package for a two count to start the match. MVP suplexes Hardy into the ring from the apron, MVP gets two from a back slide and Hardy then hits a side effect. Matt tires to expose the turnbuckle and while the referee is distracted Hardy hits MVP with the cast for a near fall. Hardy works over the knee on the ringpost. Matt runs into a boot and MVP hits a second rope flying closeline. MVP hits a side walk slam for a two count. MVP hits a face buster and the Ballin' elbow drop for a two count. Matt begs off and throws MVP through the ropes. Matt then misses a strike and hits the ringpost with his cast. MVP then introduces the cast to the steel steps and then stomps on the cast. MVP hits the Drive By and the Playmaker for the 1-2-3.

Unispiring, he may be much better as a character but Matt Hardy still sucks as a worker, he just can't rise above mediocrity. The match improved as it went on but was never in danger of being good. (*1/4)

Ric Flair doesn't want to be retired: Flair says he wants to call out Orton, Batista say errrh....Ric your retired, Flair says he doesn't care he doesn't get knocked out, he's going to call out Orton and kick his arse. He's Ric Flair, he's better than 90% of the guys in the Lockeroom. Batista says but Ric your retired, Ric says I didn't retire, Shawn Michaels retired me! Flair says he's gonna call out Orton for a fight next week, and if Batista's not with him, then Batista won't have any back up tonight.

Being away from the big time has really lit a fire under Flair's arse, he's been dynamite in the segments tonight. Still don't think he should wrestle, if he is going to have a match he needs to get back into shape first.

Santina calls Vickie a Pig prior to their Match Up: Chavo is teaching Vickie how to do the frog splash, which is actually quite funny. Santina comes in and says the Frog Splash is an ironic move because if Vickie is going to win Pigs would have to fly. Vickie says it's on.

Cole is being fed terrible lines on commentary, the crowd is pretty flat. Santina asks for the microphone, Santina has something to say. Santina makes fun of Vickie slaps her, Santina kisses Vickie, coughs and makes more fun of Vickie. Chavo makes the match no DQ.

Chavo jumps Santina from behind and attacks with a series of right hands. Sanina and Chavo do the cheer boo brawl thing. It was much funnier with Miz, Santina back body drops Chavo offer the top rope. Regal runs in kicks the shit out of Santina hits an exploder and the running knee strike. Vickie Guerrero gets the pin and then her celebration is absolutely priceless, you can't buy heel heat like this. Her dance is pretty hysterical.

Well this has no business being this long, but Vickie played it well, lets hope we can get back to actual wrestling next week. This is why Smackdown is utterly merking RAW.

Flair helps Batista to pick up the win over Legacy: Cena runs into a back elbow from Cody to start the match. Orton runs from Batista. Batista unloads on Ted with a big closeline. Ted slips out of a power slam but can't avoid a double soulderblock. Orton and Cena clear the ring, then in a really nice touch Orton slivers into the ring btu when the faces spot him he slivers back out. Ad break.

Orton gives Batista the Rugged Ronnie Garvin stomp when we return from the break. Ted gets a droptoe hold and drops a pair of elbow drops. Ted goes to the chinlock. Batista powers out but charges into a pair of boots. Ted and Cody hit a double team arm wrench and gut punch. Ted then reapplies the chinlock. They go to a horrible collision spot.

HOT TAG! Cena hits cody with the flying shoulder tackles, the protoplex and the five knuckle shuffle. Cena hits the attitude adjuster but didn't see the blind tag. Orton slugs the hell out of Cena pounding the hell out of Cena. Orton hits a knee drop before choking Cena in the ropes. Orton hits the big stomp, but Ted misses a second rope leg drop. Ted recovers and hits a running closeline. Ted then hits a pair of fist drops. Cody applies a crossface chicken wing. Cody hits a really nice pop up moonsualt press for a near fall.

Orton tags in and he works over Cena, Ted gets a cheap shot in while the referee is distracted. Orton hits a nice dropkick for a two count. Orton then locks in the chinlock and Cena gives us the monster over sell. Cena powers to the corner.....

HOT TAG! Batista hits a running powerslam for a near fall. Cena beats Big Show with a steel chair up the ramp. Batista gives Orton a spine buster and cleans out house. Cody looks to come off top but Flair comes from the back and shoves him off the top rope sending him for a flip and Batista hits Orton with the spear for the win.

Suprisingly good match, Batista was awful early but when Cena got in it picked up. Ted looked a bit too much like Orton tonight but Cody showed good fire. Orton plays his role better than anyone else right now. Satisfying TV Main Event. (**1/2)


Overall Thoughts: Not a great show too many skits, the main event was strong and Flair was on absolute fire throughout the show, bringing some much needed quality on the mic. Batista is much more effective when someones doing his talking for him, especially when that person is Ric Flair. Miss was good again but this show was so angle heavy, Smackdown is just blowing Raw out of the water with good promos and great matches. Raw just has horrible wrestling right now. In the coming weeks Regal, MVP, Kingston, Kendrick, Primo and Carlito need to be given time to do what they do best. The question is after a year away can Flair still magically conjure a 0.4 boost like he did so consistantly when WWE need him before. We shall see. Newsworthy but very flawed. (6/10)