Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

I couldn't be arsed to do live reviews so I thought I'd do a comparative reviews of two flagship programs. Let's start with Monday Night Raw

RAW

MVP introduces himself Monday Night RAW: Randy Orton opened the show with a good aggresive heel promo flanked with Legacy, it looks like they are really trying to stop people cheering for them, aside from taking five minutes to get to the ring this was a really good heel promo. Orton basically said he runs this show and he's destroyed the McMahon family. After a while MVP music hits and MVP strides onto the stage looking like a star and walking the walk and talking the talk. He destroys Ted and Cody, first telling Ted to "check yourself lackey, Randy didn't give you permission to speak" before calling Cody and Ted a pair of "Abercrombie and Finch models". This segment had that fresh feeling of a new match up and MVP felt like a real breathe of fresh air, he's not the Rock but he's a million miles better than Triple H. Finally a babyface whose actually contemporary and says exactly what you want to hear, although I wish he'd stop calling Randy Orton "baby boy".

Shane McMahon ruins Orton and MVPs fun: MVP followed up his good promo by being treated as a serious contender in an good exciting TV match up where both men sold for each other and MVP was placed on a similar plane to Orton. Unfortunately Shane had to come out and ruin it by bashing Orton repeatedly with a signapore cane. Although as Wade Keller pointed out its nice to see him hitting and running with a weapon as he should rather than destroying main eventers one on one. Overall a another good showing for MVP.

Big Show and Batista put on a snoozefest: Both men were very good in their rolls backstage, Batista was cool and calm and Big Show played his role with Vickie well but when they met in the ring to decide then Number one contership it got very ugly. It wasn't a disaster but it was close. Batista picked up the win via count out when John Cena made his shock appearences, he was still selling the injuries and barely able to stand. We also found out that for the benefit of RAW that Show and Vickies relationship will be strictly business.

The Brian Kendrick jobs out: Kofi and Kendrick put on a really nice little two minute match after Brian introduced himself to the RAW audience. Kendrick was very good but it looks like he'll be the Jamie Knoble of RAW.

Santina plus Hornswaggle equals the death of Women's wrestling: Okay the astute among you may point out it was never really alive in WWE but this eight woman match was just absolute garbage, and Diva's champion Maryse was hardly given a mention.

The Miz is Awesome: The Miz continues to be one of the most effective midcard heels in the WWE. This week he cut a brilliant promo on Cena, challenging him to a match (when Cena obviously couldn't appear or wrestle). He told us what Linsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and the Duff sisters have in common, their all in Miz's phone book, and then in the line of the nigh Miz said "Your right John, I can't see you, I can't see you John, Your movies don't stay in Theatres long enough". If he can prove he can bring it the ring the WWE might really have something in the Miz.

Matt Hardy is your new Cowboy Bob Orton: It looks like this is the year that Matt will get promoted to the top of the card, or at least given one last chace, I'm not thrilled but I suppose he deserves it for erh...hanging around. Well he beat Goldust in a couple of minutes with the aid of the cast of doom. He did cut a good annoying heel promo before hand.

Primo and Carlito get no reaction: Carlito and Primo officially joined RAW tonight to little crowd reaction and fan fare, they managed to win the crowd over with a solid if unspectacular win over Noble and Chavo.

Overall Thoughts: This RAW didn't quite click, some parts felt brilliant a fresh, the MVP and Orton confrontation was great and felt exciting, Big Show and Batista was less than stellar, the comedy dragged but seeing Kendrick and Kofi even briefly was great. The Miz, Matt Hardy and MVP really made this show feel special and worth sitting through the crap to see. An acceptable first step but they need to build from here and settle down into a solid format. (6.5/10)


TNA iMPACT!

Team 3D Tag Tournement: The tournement continues to make for fun TV. The matches still remain inconsequential and short but it's nice to see TNA focusing on Tag Teams and pushing new talent. The British Invasion is alot of fun and its a better way of using Oblivion and its always good to see Doug Williams back on television. Speaking of glad to see them back on TV Amazing Red is back, he's not quite so amazing but he is really good. I thought the new chair cut was good but I think he's new attire is very jobbery. Its interesting to see the Guns and LAX both go out in the first round so we will be getting some fresh match ups.

So if a three minute Ladder Match wasn't stupid enough introducing the Three minute Stretcher match: Kong beat the living hell out Madison Rayne destorying her and refusing to accept the victory and repeatedly powerbombing Rayne. The thing is why on earth did this need to be a stretcher match? It's pointless and stupid. Also a stretcher match in TNA involves laying the oponent on a stretcher while the referee counts to ten?

The Main Event Mafia start the show again: Kurt opens the show with a pretty flat promo, he has decided to sacrifice leadership of the Main Event Mafia to whoever pins him in the four way match up and that he will take over Mick Foley's office tonight. This Sacrifice idea is horrible. Speaking of horrible ideas the feud between Sharmell and Kevin Nash's z list girlfriend continue to argue. Booker and Nash then stink up the Main Event putting on a snoozefest against AJ and Joe. See Big Show and Batista you expect that but there was enough talent in this match for it to not suck this bad.

The Machine Guns name Suicide: Sabin and Shelley acuse Christopher Daniels of being under the Suicide mask. Shelley has some really good lines "you have a wife and two kids to provide for who play with our action figures". Chris Sabin says Daniels and Suicide have the same build "that arse is unmistakeable". They demand that Daniels admits that he's Suicide. Daniels says he doesn't owe anyone an explination, Daniels say he doesn't have time for video games, masks and repelling, Daniels says if they want to know who Suicide is why don't they ask him. They asks Daniels again and he says he's Daniels and now he's pissed off and he destroys both men. This was a fun segment.

Cody Deaner is still on TV: I know its just meant to be a bit of light comedy relief but Abyss, Lauren, Doctor Stevie, ODB and Cody Deaner can go fuck themselves. It's terrible low rent garbage. Abyss defeated in a comedy weapons match. This goes far too long. Thankfully Daffney and Lauren's segment is much more interesting in comparison.

Foley is still a deuche: Foley does his comedy stuff backstage across several segments, there's no doubt he's good in these rolls but he's still an annoying prick. Mick sets up a deal with a man hidden behind the camera to attack Kurt. They tease as if its going to be Lashley but when Foley says "now" no one comes out. We get some terrible comedy were Mick agrees to let Kurt hit him with a guitar so they'll be even from last week. Mick changes his mind and calls for a steel chair to be brought. Foley then hits Kurt with a phone, gets the sock from the closet as if that were the superstar, the lights go out and when they come back everyone is down and a masked man is holding a chair and he unmasks to reveal Sting. This was mind boggling shit. Stuff stupid terrible stuff.

Overall Thoughts: Wow Impact is really diving bombing the last two weeks, this weeks show was a total dirge and very hard to sit through. Other than the tag Tournement and the Guns/Daniels confrontation their are no intereting stories or match ups being developed. Completely skippable. (3.5/10)