Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

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We open with a video package speculating about Sting's recent actions and what they mean and they also lay hints about Jeff Jarrett. Tonight Sting Speaks!
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Lauren confronts Steve "Sting" Borden as he gets out of his car but Sting simply says tonight is the night. We then go straight to Tenay and West who run down the show.
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Awesome Kong (w/Rhyesha Syead) vs. Souljourna Bolt
Yeah I'm thinking what your thinking who is this ho with the terrible weave. Bolt unloads with a dropkick and a flying chop which Kong of course no sells before swatting Bolt and sending her to the outside. Kong introduces Bolt into the guard rail and then the steel steps. Back in the ring Bolt kicks Kong off and goes up top, she tries a flying axehandle but is met with a hard closeline. Kong misses then spinning back fist, Bolt hits a couple of back fists before being killed with the back fist and finished with the Awesome Bomb.
An extended quash, just incase you didn't know Kong is awesome, although these matches are making her look weak, oddly. (1/2*)
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After the match Syead sets up two chairs next to each other and Kong readies the powerbomb when ODB's music hits and she storms the ring and throws the chairs at Kong and unloads on kong. The ref tries to break it up but ODB scores with the Swinging DDT and she pummels the crap out of Kong until the refs pull ODB off her. This has been really well built shame it took them far to long to pull the trigger on ODB.
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Borash is with AJ Styles, AJ says he has history with Christian Cage in his qualifying match. AJ says he thinks Christian is great and Cage thinks AJ is great so it'll be a good match. Borash then asks about Sting, he says he owes Sting a reciept and he'll kick crap out Sting. Borash then asks about Kurt's gold medal, he says its his medal now he earned it twice. AJ says the gold medals are in safe hands.
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We then get a TNA ruff cut on Consequences Creed with his trainer and Terry Taylor basically saying he's a hardworking young man. Showing how he went from NWA Anarchy to TNA.
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Sheik Abdul Bashir & Petey Williams (w/Rhaka Kahn) vs. Consequences Creed & Jay Lethal
Bashir nearly hits Petey by mistake to start the make and Lethal runs over Bashir with a flying axe handle. Creed tags in and they score with a double Jab and pose combo for two. Petey comes in but Creed nails him with a flying forearm in the corner and a high knee. Creed thinks about a sling shot move but Kahn pulls him off the ring apron. Petey scores with a nice spinning heel kick and he plays to the crowd. Bashir unloads with chops and a hard Irish whip gets two. Petey gets a body slam and he misses a slingshot move. Lethal tags in and cleans house. Lethal gets the hip toss cartwheel and dropkick combo. Lethal does a handspring rebound through a double closeline and Lethal gets a Lethal combination DDT combo on Bashir and Petey. Lethal goes for the elbow drop but Bashir shoves him off top. Petey sets up the Destroyer but Creed shoves Bashir off top into Petey and Lethal gets the roll up for the win.
Okay match. (*)
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Up next its Karen's Angle this weeks guest is Abyss....no Chris Parks. He asks if he can make himself more uncomfortable, Karen looks insanely fit here. Chris flips the table and sits on the floor, and he touches her leg and says at the asylum that he calls home that Chris is a good man and Abyss is a monster that is always trying to get out. Chris doesn't know what's next for Chris or Abyss all he knows is they are one. Abyss challenges anybody on the roster. He has a question for Karen, seeing as she's single know he wants to know what she looks for in a man. He shouts, whispers and screams. He then reads her a poem as Karen displays some of the worst acting since Stephanie was on telly everyweek. Abyss pulls out his hair and gives it to Karen as a present and says "Oh Miss Angle see you soon".
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We go backstage to the Beatiful people and Kip James who are trying to make over Lauren she's gets fed up and storms off and the lovely Velvet Sky starts to cut a promo. She says there going up against the beauty Tyler and the beast Roxxi. She says there hideous and they are not in her league. We are the Beautiful people and we are better than you, don't take it hard though, they are better than everybody, they are the girls all the girls want to be and the guys want to be with. Love says you shouldn't be so humble, apparently there are lots of girls who'd want to be with them to. They do their holla high five. Velvet says no one will be with them or as good as them. Velvet says the title would look perfect around her itty bitty waist and she's gonna love kicking Tyler's cottage cheese arse. Wow this act is just incredible right now. Velvet was superb in the back ground making faces while Angelina talked, Kip James is terrible but not even he can drag this act down.
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Next its Kurt who goes nuts when he's called a former gold medalist. Frank Trigg manages calm Kurt down and says he has Kurt's back and says he'll take care of all the distraction Kurt just has to make sure he wins his matches.
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Jimmy Rave (w/Christy Hemme) vs. Curry Man
Tenay and West sell the hell out of Curry man's music. Curry goes straight for a front flip plancha and takes out Rave. Christy uses her incredible sexiness to distract Curry Man allowing Rave to score with an awesome STO on the ring apron. Curry man counters a move nicely and scores with a back body drop, a brutal closeline and a spring board cross body for two. Rave comes back with a kitchen sink and a running knee to the head for two. Rave runs into a boot and Curry man gets a sloppy back breaker and the Spice Rack gets the win.
Fine win for Curry, poor Jimmy Rave, he still looks like a Jobber but he was such a hot act a few years back, match was short but had some nice moments. (*)
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Christy gets in Curry Man's face allowing Hemme to Lance Rock to sneak in with his finisher. Christy then slaps the hell out of Curry Man before the superheroes make the save. Christy Hemme is so friggin hot I can't believe I forgot.
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We are then in Cornette's office he makes a match for the PPV Hemme, Rave & Rock vs. Sharky, Eric & Curry Man. Cornette puts Tracy incharge on the knock out division and he talks about shelf life, blatantly ripping on Gail Kim. Tracy hints Lauren could be gone.
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Booker is cutting an African style promo when Ray and Devon start kicking up about the clothes they are wearing. Booker says his problem will go away because there will be no guitar. They then toast to Booker and Ray spills champagne on Sharmell and Book tells them to get the hell out. Terrible segment.
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Nash is backstage again with no shirt on. Nash said a few months back he did a favour for Cornette and he owed him something. Nash then asked for the qualifying title match tonight, because his boy Joe's eyes are off the ball chasing Sting, so he'll win this match tonight and Watch Joe's back in Toronto. Nash says if Joe doesn't focus then he may be forced to become a six time champion. Well that was rather convoluted, but that's TNA.
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Kevin Nash vs. Kurt Angle
Samoa Joe is on commentary for this match and he's doing a really nice job. It's amazing how good he is when he's not shouting every other word. They circle each other and Kurt bails before they can lock up. Kurt talks trash and points at Joe before returning to the ring. Nash slugs down Angle with a couple of big forearms. Nash catches an Angle cross body and scores with a big body slam but he misses with a flying elbow drop. Nash scores with a corner closeline and the big man back breaker submission. Joe is talking up a storm on commentary. Nash continues to electrify the crowd with some knees in the corner and an elbow smash. Nash plays to the crowd and he pounds down on Angle. It's the foot choke, if the crowd aren't electrified now they never will be.
[Ad Break]
When we return Angle is stomping away at the leg of Nash and he collapses to a round of boos. Angle drops an eblow and applies a basic leg lace before deciding to go to something remotely entertaining the figure four leg lock. Joe says Nash has a history of giving the people what they wanna see, he must have obviously missed him booking WCW into oblivion. The figure four has been locked on for an age and the crowd chant "tap, tap, tap". Nash manages to turn the hold over and makes the ropes. Kurt of course goes back to the leg but then runs straight into the big side salto and both men are down. Slugfest, Nash wins with a short arm closeline, he scores with the Snake eyes, and he tries the rope rider but Nash can't run properply and its terrible. Nash scores with an awesome shoulder block and then closelines Angle to the outside. Nash bitch slaps Joe for no apparent reason. Tenay shouts "Joe don't forget about our temper". Nash gets the big boot and he's about to score with the Jacknife when Joe gets on the apron and Kurt scores with a low blow and an angle slam for the win.
Plodding but fine, with a decent if overbooked final few minutes. Nash's leg is scary to watch in the ring you can never tell if he's selling or legitimately fucked. (*3/4)
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Joe gets in Nash's face after the match but he just decides to walk off.
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We then go to a video package on, no I'm not taking the piss, the guitar. I'm serious. Who is behind the mystery of the guitar? Are you fucking kidding me this is so fucking stupid. They then run a video package on Jeff Jarrett. It's a good package but I mean seriously why? He's leeading the young guns? If that's not enough we get a No Surrender Samoa Joe video.
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We are then with Val and Lauren, even with a black eye Val looks really hot. Val got caught in the cross fire between the two kids. She then said she's had enough and the winner of a match will get the ring and get her? WHAT THE FUCK THAT MAKES NO SENSE, She should leave them not marry the winner.
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We then get a superb TNA Knock Outs Video Package. God Kip James has managed to ruin the Beautiful People's entrance.
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The Beautiful People (w/Kip James) vs. Taylor Wilde & Roxxi
Taylor Wilde is looking pretty damn fine tonight. Roxxi shoves Angelina down hard to start the match and Kip whispers in her ear. Roxxi gets the waist lock takedown and a front face lock. Wilde tags in and Angelina runs away and acts cocky as Kip puts her hair back in place. Velvet Sky tags in and doesn't look very confident falling over when Wilde fakes a headbutt, Wilde comes back with a Lou Thez press. Wilde gets a whip to the corner and tries a ten punch but Angelina hits her in the head with the make up case. Sky then chokes Wilde on the second rope and screeches to the crowd. Sky follows up with a spinal tap, and while Roxxi isn't looking flicks her ears. Love gets a snapmare and a seated dropkick. Love then slams Wilde down by her hair twice as the crowd go nuts.
[Ad Break]
Hot tag, Roxxi cleans house with a series of closelines and then two fallaway slams and a big boot on Love for two. A sunset flip gets two, Love misses the pump kick and runs into a spinebuster for two. Wilde attacks Sky who dodges a top rope crossbody. Roxxi is about to hit the Voodoo drop when Sky sprays perfume in Roxxi's eyes allowing The Beautiful People to score with the Pump Kick Russian leg sweep combo for the win.
Pretty messy in places but the Beautiful people played their roles excellently. (*1/2)
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Post match the Beautiful people give Roxxi the brown paper bag treatment. Taylor gets in Kip's face but Love and Sky jump her. They prepare to cut Taylor's hair but before they can do that Rhino of all people storms the ring to make the save.
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Sting then makes his ring entrance looking like he has something on his mind. Sting says a few months ago he had a sit down interview with Tenay when he thought about retirement. Sting said he considered it but he couldn't leave the future in the hands of the current generation of wrestlers. Sting says they'd run into TNA into the ground. Sting said the young wrestlers spit in his face and wrestling face. Sting talks about Joe wrestling a legend like Booker T who love him or hate him is legend. Joe wasn't satisfied with a 1-2-3 and tried to beat the hell out of him. That's why Sting tried to help him but all Joe did was flip him off. Sting says he paved the way for Joe. Sting said when he was the young generation Ric Flair took him under his wing and Sting listen and respected him. AJ Styles is ripped on next, Sting said AJ should respect him because he paved the way. He said almost all the young kids in the locker room have no respect. Sting said he doesn't mind being the parent or the baby sitter he's gonna beat some respect into the lockeroom. AJ's music then hits and he comes down to ringside. AJ says Sting is dead wrong, AJ says he looks up to Sting, he never disrespected Sting, and AJ said you know. AJ said you paved the way for me? Who got this company started. Sting said he's looking out for AJ that's why he involved himself. Sting said you can't respect someone and called him a coward in the same breath. Sting talks about Hard Justice and Kurt Angle, calling him a legend and talks about AJ not settling for the 1-2-3 he had to take it further. You don't see Micheal Phelps spitting in Mark Spitz's face do you. Sting then gives AJ the baseball bat and dares him to take a free shot, goading him. When AJ finally decides to swing Sting blocks it and then hits the Scorpion Death Drop. Jeff Jarrett's music hits and plays while Sting stands in the ring and we fade to credits.
I really enjoyed this segment it was really bizarre to see a crowd popping so positively considering what Sting was saying. I'd be really hyped to see a heel Sting under normal circumstances especailly when he's this motivated unfortunately if its building to Sting-Jarrett (again) instead of Sting-AJ or Sting-Joe then I'm not so thrilled.
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Final Thoughts: This show definitely had its high points and intriguing moments but was on the whole a poor watch, it was better without adverts as it was more condensed but I can't really recommend watching it as so much of it was stupid, silly or pointless. The final segment was intriguing and the Beautiful people are always excellent so its not a wash out just a lame show on the whole.

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This is your one stop shop of pop culture reviews I most specialize in Music, Politics & Film. I occasionally delve into TV reviews. I've got a Politics MA and a War Studies BA, I'm taking a year out before starting a Phd so when it comes to History and Politics I'm pretty well versed but I tend to keep this blog fun rather than serious.

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