Daveportivo's Cultural Evaluation Facility

Thriller will always have a special place in history, after all as LP's go, Thriller is bigger than life itself. It's so entrenched in the narrative of our times that it's easy to forget that on an artistic level it pales in comparison to Off The Wall. Like Thriller, Off The Wall had a core of five star singles; "Don't Stop Till You Get Enough", "Rock With You" and "Off The Wall" were perfect disco-motown hybrids and were cooler if not catchier than anything the BeeGees ever wrote. Yet what makes Off The Wall truly special, and MJ's best, is it's sense of balance and fluidity. Off The Wall is an album with a defiant evolving groove and a young tender heart. The way disco charms of "Girlfriend" roll into the sorrowful but never bitter "She's Out Of My Life" is a delight. It recalls the listeners first love and his first break up; Off The Wall is a record of fun, innocence, heartbreak and optimism. It's carefree youth encapsulated in both it's naivety and in all it's dirty funky disco glory. With Jackson reminding us after the trails and tribulations of love there's nothing like dressing up, going out, and Burning The Disco Down.

After Plastic Ono Band provided a shock to the world's collective system, Imagine must have seemed like a real relief. This was the Lennon album the general public had been waiting for, it was the album they had always expected. Despite lacking the raw thrills of it's predecessor, Lennon still had a few tricks up his sleeve. The honesty of Plastic Ono Band recordings transfered over to the Imagine sessions and gave the world the beautiful and heartbreaking "Jealous Guy". Simple sharp and to the point, Lennon pulls no punches on one of the most emotive tracks ever penned. "How Do You Sleep?" is perhaps the greatest shock; an utterly scathing and unrelenting attack on Paul McCartney. It's almost unpleasant to hear Lennon let rip: "A Pretty Face May Last A Year Or Two, But Pretty Soon They'll See What You Can Do" ouch. I normally hate "diss" records but "How Do You Sleep?" is simply too well crafted with it's swirling layered strings. Outside of it's sit up and take notice moments, Imagine is comprised of the catchiest and most addictive pop music of Lennon's post Beatles' career. It's an album that can't help but satisfy. Oh and of course there's the title track, but you probably don't remember it, it's not even worth talking about really.

Okay seriously did I just put this album ahead of John Lennon, Michael Jackson, George Harrison and Bruce Springsteen? I mean this has to be the stupidest album of all time, have you heard "Mongaloid", I mean it's positively morose! Why on earth would I ever include this monstrosity in the top 1,000 let alone the top 90? Maybe I had an "Uncontrollable Urge"...christ this album has got me making terrible puns now. I mean why how could any human being call this music...oh right I forgot they are not mere mortals, THEY ARE DEVO!

Now In all seriousness, what Devo created in 1978 was a blast of sheer synth pop heaven. There are a million reasons why we shouldn't like Devo, the silly hats and the sheer irreverence of their music for starters, but at the end of the day there is one simple reason why people keep coming back to this silly little album. Because across twelve tracks there is not one single song that is anything less than addictive. Quirky and inane, yes, brilliant and surprisingly influential, you better believe it. Now remember, They Are Devo and it's best not to ask questions.

It's testament to the Rocky Horror Picture Show's enduring influence that in a months time, I'll be at the Sonisphere metal festival and their Friday night has a Rocky Horror Theme. Seriously in 2010 a festival that plays host to over sixty thousand people is holding a night in honour of a classic seventies cult movie (and the musical of course). So why has Rocky Horror endured? Maybe it's the sheer camp delight, maybe it's Susan's Sarandon's bussom, or maybe it's just that we all long to be sweet transvestites transexual Transylvania. All these factors probably do come into play, but the real answer lies in the perfect marriage of over the top concepts with brilliant timeless music. Rocky Horror has all the silly cringe inducing elements that make musicals both incredibly popular and unpopular at the same time, but it manages to subvert them, creating something that's just cool. As an album Rocky Horror Picture Show actually works better than the movie itself, it's more coherent without sacrificing any of the inane Rocky Horror randomness. Meatloaf still explodes out of no where only to disappear just a quickly, Tim Curry remains larger than life even if you can't see him prancing around in his tights, oh and "The Time Warp" kicks even harder on record than it does on the silver screen. You can visualize the movie scene for scene, you can picture every image, and you can genuinely appreciate how brilliantly crafted each and every one of these camp classics truly are.

After all that silliness, it almost feels disrespectful to talk about Janis Joplin and Pearl, but really, it simply goes to show just how diverse and intriguing a decade the seventies truly were. Joplin was more of a hang over from the sixties, with her raw blues and folk elements dominating Pearl. For Joplin herself Pearl marked a more straight forward approach casting aside her Blue Grass and Country background. This simplification allows Joplin to really find her voice and make her ultimate artistic statement with blood curdling blues. While Joplin was a product of the sixties Pearl with it's dark, desperate cries and her, dare I say heavy metal showmanship (Robert Plant would be proud of the "arh...arrrrwwwh...aaaarhs" on "Half Moon") remained a thoroughly contemporary record. Pearl bled emotion, and it's Joplin's virtuous vocal that continues to captivate music lovers long after her death.

"Cry Baby" has elements of stripped down blues, heart wrenching soul and even gospel preaching but it's all tied together by the showmanship of a true rock and roll star. Despite "Cry Baby's" brilliance, Pearl happens to be one of those unique albums where the singles are blown out of the water by the album tracks. The winding jaunt of the excellent "Me And Bobby McGee" can't measure up the powerhouse closer "Get It While You Can". A track which contrasts world weary cynicism with strength of character and iron willed determination. In a way it reflects Pearl in it's entirety; it's relentless, it's determined, it's earnest and it's desperate but never weak and rarely fragile. Pearl is about strength, strength of belief, strength of spirit and the strength of one young lady's incredible voice.

So who was Mr. Stephen Morrissey's favourite band during his formative years? That's right, The New York Dolls. Now, that's a pretty big endorsements, but tying The Dolls in with Morrissey actually does a disservice to their great influence and to the sheer quality of this album. The New York Dolls stands shoulder to shoulder with both Funhouse and Raw Power as the great pre-punk or protopunk pioneers. The New York Dolls unlike the Stooges weren't accomplished musicians, they often plagiarized riffs, and even the most casual of music fans will notice a striking resemblance to the Rolling Stones, but that's what made them great. They were low down, they were dirty, and most of all they were sleazy, or to put it in their own words they were "Trash". Raw, rough around the edges, uncompromising "Trash"; intentionally out of tune and out of time they embodied the everyone can be a rock star spirit of punk. Of course they were too androgynous and too glam, to truly be considered punk, but that hardly mattered, because they had the spirit and they had the tunes; "Personality Crisis", "Looking For A Kiss" and "Subway Train" were unstoppable. Simply put, if The Rocky Horror Picture Show were a band it'd be The New York Dolls, and that's the greatest compliment I can give this band, and this album.

This album could easily be subtitled: "How to ruin the perfect album by George Harrison". Now of course that's an exaggeration and All Things Must Pass is anything but ruined, it's actually a gorgeous soothing and harmonious listen, but it's undermined by a selection of random jams that conclude the album. It's hardly a detraction, because few fans ever actually listen to those final few tracks, but it does lower this album from a potential top thirty finish. It's a shame, as the bulk of All Things Must Pass is made up of gorgeous and heartfelt pop music that never fails to bring a tear to this reviewer's eye. It's hard to describe why tracks like "Run Of The Mill" and "The Art Of Dying" are so affecting; perhaps it's the marriage of Harrison's sharp tones and neat guitar work with Phil Spector's legendary wall of sound production, or maybe it's Harrison's talent for broad far reaching sentiments. It's impossible to say, but I suspect it's really the undefinable magic that accompanies the one Beatle who had an unending supply of public good will. All Things Must Pass sees Harrison addressing spirituality more directly than he ever did during his time with the Beatles, but the album never feels preachy; it feels more like a gentle reminder to consider your life, your actions and to think beyond yourself. Or as Harrision put it, and far more succinctly than I, "Beware Of Darkness". Sombre, reflective, melancholic; yet beautiful, uplifting and inspiring, forty years on and All Things Must Pass is still an inspiring and affecting listen.

Springteen delivered his breakthrough record in 1975. When Born To Run hit the stores it established him as one of his or any generations biggest stars, and the subsequent tours turned him from working man's hero into a stadium rocker of Mercury-eske proportions. Then a series of legal proceedings meant the world had to wait three years for the follow up, it may have been a momentum killer but it didn't dampen the sense of expectation. Those who kept the faith were rewarded with one of Springsteen's greatest LP's and another classic album cover. Now call me shallow, but I just knew I was going to love this album when I saw that ice cool brooding cover, but I know enough about art what about the music, right?

"Badlands" has gone down in history as one of the great album openers, with Springsteen's lyricism reaching stirring new heights "It Ain't No Sin To Be Glad Your Alive, When I Find One Face That Ain't Looking Through Me, When I Find One Place, I Want To Spit In The Face Of These Badlands", it was angry, it was desperate and it was hungrier than it had any right to be. The energy never subsides as the guitars soar and slice in the grizzly sleazy scream-a-thon "Adam Raised Cain" and across the entire album the sax and axe attack are relentlessly brilliant. Springsteen's characters continued to transition from down on their luck everymen to low down but somehow admirable scum bags, as seen on the weighty "Racing In The Street". Elsewhere the album had it's hit a miss moments, but Springsteen's determination and earnest enthusiasm turned throwaway tracks like "Promised Land" into powerful sing-a-longs and eventually into live anthems. The album was cemented as a classic by it's closing cuplet "Prove It All Night" and "Darkness On The Edge Of Town". They struck a stark contrast; a rambunctious feel good sing-a-long and a throat shredding ball of raw emotion. In retrospect it's clear that Darkness On The Edge Of Town was the welcome halfway house between Nebraska and Born To Run, combining the darker themes that were to come with the uplifting energy of what came before.

While Elton John's legacy as one of music's great showmen has never been in doubt, his skills as a songwriter and as a true artist have never really been spoken of in just reverent tones. Which is one of music great tragedies, as at his height Elton John wrote not only great singles but he also crafted one of music greatest double albums. Yes, I am talking about Goodbye Yellow Brick Road and yes, I am being deadly serious. A million albums have been compared to the White Album but Goodbye Yellow Brick Road is the closest any artist has ever come to recreating it's carefree and expansive joy. John loaded this double album with barmy tales, infectious hooks and gloriously over blown arrangements. One minute your emersed in super serious balladry, the next your thrown into a show tune, then a prog epic, then glitzy tale of camp sleaze and then out of blue your hearing about "Bennie And The Jets" or the Jamaican beaches. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road is all over the place, and that's it's charm, Elton John throws himself at every genre he can think of bringing his unique band of melodrama to everything he touches. Of course it contains instantly recognizable anthems "Candle In The Wing" and "Saturday Nights Alright For Fighting", but these classics are almost cast aside by the over the top tales and frivolity of "All The Girls Love Alice", "The Ballad Of Danny Bailey" and "I've Seen That Movie Too". What makes Goodbye Yellow Brick Road remarkable is just how quickly it passes by, it's pure undistilled fun, and despite the genre hoping madness, at the end of the day Goodbye Yellow Brick Road is pure unadulterated pop at it's best.

Had Kraftwerk's career ended in 1973 they would have been revolutionary visionaries and cult heroes, but they wouldn't have been world straddling superstars they are today and they may not have been one of the most influential bands of all time. Autobahn transformed Kraftwerk's cold and mechanical style into something glorious, something groovy and something that was accessible to millions across the world. Listening to the title track now it's still awe inspiring and it's a cliche to say it, but Autobahn sounds just a fresh today as it did in 1974. While Electronica, dance, hip-hop and all kind of hybrid pop and rock spin offs have evolved from these electro-pioneers, their core sound has never aged, it's still other worldly. The pulsating rhythm is still addictive, those mangled electronic cries sound more relevant than anything industrial wizard Trent Reznor has done in the last decade, and that eerie synth sound still sounds like a science fiction vision of the future thirty six years on. Kraftwerk would go on to create better works, but Autobahn is the moment electronica arrived, audiences in Europe, the UK and the US were wowed by staggering grooves, it's shimmering lines and it's tongue in cheek sense of humour. Kids across the world had their eyes opened to new possibilities and unheard of sounds, but it's important not to forget, that first and foremost they were having fun dancing and chilling to "Kometenmelodie 2". It's one of those strange quirks of music, that we get so obsessed with holding Kraftwerk on some-kind of impenetrable pedestal of almighty deference, that we forget that they made damn good music, and damn good pop music at that. Autobahn changed history; and for too long when it's come to influence the old tale has gone "The Beatles and then everyone else", well from now on we must remember it goes; The Beatles, Then Kraftwerk and then everybody else.

Released just months before Jim Morrison's death, L.A. Woman holds an interestingly place in The Doors cannon. It doesn't sound like any other Doors record, it's a full on blues record, and Jim isn't in particular good voice, he's grainy, strained and his voice even cracks on occasion; but it only adds to the charm of one of the all time great blues records. Despite it's melancholy, L.A. Woman still feels like a light hearted record full of in jokes, and over the top imagery. The album is bookended by two stone cold classics "The Changeling" and "Riders On The Storm". What happens in between the two is unsettling and inconsistent, and it can be a mighty trudge at times but it's more than worth the considerable endeavor. The Doors as a band are tighter than ever, with a cool blues sound highlighted by a truly mesmeric organ/keys performance adding a winding hypnotic fair ground feel the mix, making easily my favourite blues record of all time, and The Doors second best effort.

James Brown was an artist who was always more at home on stage than in the recording studio, now that's not to say that the Godfather Of Soul didn't make some great records, he most certainly did, but his works were rarely mentioned in the same breath as Bowie or Floyd. The Payback however changed things, it was Brown's legitimate classic, slowing things way down, Brown opted for big open ended sprawling jam sessions; that rather than exposing the bands limitations, instead highlighted just how tight a unit they had become. The album was crammed full of gorgeous grooves and the kind of jams that just soothed their way into your subconscious; "The Payback" floats like a dream, "Mind Power" was a gloriously laid back call to arms, and the ironically named "Time Is Running Out Fast" was the album's centre piece. As a work it shows that Brown was confident enough in his band to let them exchange solos across a largely instrumental twelve minutes of pure jazz-funk ecstasy.

The 70s as a decade spawn a series of albums that would change the course of music history forever, creating the sounds and genres that would dominate the next thirty years of music making, and while Never Mind The Bollocks... may grab the headlines it's Van Halen that would have the biggest and most immediate impact on the music scene at large. Hair metal, speed metal and thrash were waiting just around the corner and they all have their roots in this one album, and Eddie Van Halen's legendary finger tapping style. Now the reason Van Halen's role in rock history is underplayed is quite obvious; the album's sheer self indulgence, it's shallow and revels in the superficial, to put it as succinctly as possible it's an album that has nothing to say. Regardless what critics like myself may say (and have said) this record inspired a generation of kids to start playing their guitars as loud and as fast as they possibly could, while the rest of the world was content to dance and sing-along to "You Really Got Me" and "Ain't Talking About Love".

When I came to draw up this shortlist I was genuinely dreading the prospect of listing Hotel California and The Eagles. It must have been at least a decade since I last picked up this record and put it on. Yet much to my surprise, it suddenly clicked, I felt the magic that made Hotel California one of the best selling records of all time. Now don't worry, I'm not going to start telling you that Hotel California is some grand artistic statement of Neutral Milk Hotel proportions, I've just finally grasped it's appeal. Hotel California is perhaps the best all round MOR record of all time, while Joshua Tree is so often drowned in praise, Hotel California is a far more consistent, coherent and sonically intriguing work. It lacks the emotional depth of U2's money making juganaught but Hotel California had a wonderful up lifting groove and a swirling sense of musicality. Full of charming melodies and those intricate little lyrical details that transform a mediocre track into a full blown anthem. At it's worst Hotel California circums to saccharine sickiliness (see "The Last Resort") and at it's best it's a satisfying groovy goliath (see "Victim Of Love"). Like the best MOR records Hotel California is instantly familiar, endless anthemic but never lightweight and rarely dull.

Sometimes a phenomenon just erupts and sweeps away everything in it's path, Elvis Costello was one of those phenomena. He seemed completely out of keeping with everything that surrounded him, he looked like an anachronism, even in '77 he appeared dated; but when he opened his mouth he unleashed upon the world a series of albums that were sleeker, shaper, smarter and more infectious than anything else on the rock scene. It's rare that an artist can be so unashamedly poppy and yet so defiantly intellectual. Weaving complex and often misleading narratives Costello arrived fully formed as a song writer even if he was yet to uncover his signature sound and his backing band. Almost every track on My Aim Is True is irresistible, even his smutlziest ballad ("Allison") was utterly captivating, beautifully contrasting the coos of "my aim is true" with the thudding shouts of "stop". My Aim Is True plays like a classic barroom record, except we don't/didn't have bars and saloons in the UK, and in many ways it feels like the natural forerunner to current critical darlings The Hold Steady and Girls. Costello managed to bring a new twist to old sounds "Mystery Dance" never sounds remotely dated because Costello's verse is so sharp and his lyrics twist so beautifully. Then of course there was that closer, you know, the one about "Watching The Detectives"; that clanging guitar still sends chills down my spine, and Costello's verse is positively pedophiliac you almost feel dirty as the words "She Gets Down And Begs" slither from his lips. In short, My Aim Is True was the perfect debut, this ladies and gentlemen is how you make an impact.

Now before I tell you to sit back and enjoy, I must reassure you that this list will be concluded within the next two months, if not sooner. I know I've been unreliable lately, but I've been very busy working for 411mania and genuinely living my life. However I have ample time to update five albums each and every day. Finally, one more in house note, I do fully intend to restart the Top 1,000 singles of the 2000s around September, and hopefully have it finished by Christmas.

Now for those of you new to the Cultural Evaluation Facility, this list is judged on critical quality, influence, importance and of course my own personal preference, with the overall aim of telling the story of the decade, now lets begin shall we? We Shall.

After a hit and miss start to his post-Beatles career, McCartney was feeling the weight of critical scrutiny like never before; while Lennon and Harrison were greeted into the art house elite with open arms. Not to be deterred McCartney resolved to blow the world away with Band On The Run an ultra-slick melodic assault of Abbey Road-eske collages. It may well be the one of the most overrated albums in pop history, but it's certainly anything but a bad record, as it contains most of McCartney's best post-Beatles work. "Band On The Run" is a meandering riot, "Jet" remains strangely addictive, "Mrs. Vandebilt" is a classic piece of joyful McCartney granddad music and "Let Me Roll It", McCartney's rebuke to Lennon, remains McCarntey's best attempted a singing the blues. Inconsistency, is rampant, but Band On The Run remains a damn good time; it may be over produced and it certainly lacks substance, but it has an endless supply of slick hooks and fun melodies, and remains a sublime slice of pop music.

Alive!'s place in music history as been severely marred by the "overdubbing" accusations and admission, but whatever the case, Alive! remains one of the most enjoyable listens in rock and roll history. Kiss never were an albums band, sure they made some decent records, but who wants to "appreciate" Kiss? Kiss we're unashamedly shallow, they were showman, and records constrained Kiss more than anything, so a live album was the perfect solution, and it should come as no surprise that Alive! remains their best selling and best loved LP to date. It's stacked full of hits "Deuce" sets the the tone, "Strutter" lets you know you in for the night of your life, and by the time "Cold Gin" thunders into "Rock And Roll All Nite", overdubbing will be the last thing on your mind.

The 1980s would see women prove definitively that they could rock just as hard as the boys, and in retrospect Heart's brand of folk meets rock music feels like a natural transitional, if not a trailblazing, record. While they were often pigeon holed as a novelty the strength of their melodies, the sheer catchiness of their hooks and the smooth accessible gleam of their production meant that over thirty years later, with the aid of Guitar Hero, Heart would still be winning new fans. "Magic Man" summed up their entire appeal, big chunky slamming chords, a sweet addictive melody, a bold spunky vocal combined with a strong folk twinge that builds and grows into a prog epic, it's classic Heart, and now it's very much classic rock. Then of course there's that intro to that song, "Crazy On You" remains Heart's defining work, and a song that's never really fallen out of vogue; Eminem sampled it free of irony just as easily as he did Aerosmith. It seems the further removed we get from Dreamboat Annie's original release the more influential, the more important, and the more essential it becomes.

A Night At The Opera may just be the single most overrated album of all time; it's the one truly cohesive Queen record, and it seems that critics are obsessed with laying all their praise for the band as a whole onto this one record. Despite this huge stock of good will, A Night At The Opera is not a five star album, but it is a damn good one, and a much loved one, and at the end of the day that's far more important. A Night At The Opera is forty three minutes of sheer pomposity that refuses to take it's self too seriously, and is yet to cleverly crafted to ever be considered a throwaway. It manages the near impossible feat of feeling both irreverent and substantial, and completely over the top without being remotely self indulgent. It also sees Queen broaden their remit, Freddie delivers a selection of music hall ditties ("Good Company", "Lazing On A Sunday Afternoon" &"Seaside Rendevouz") with a wink and a nod either side of the trippy studio experimentation of "The Prophets Song". In between the silliness there's plenty of room for hard rock as "Death On Two Legs" still feels like the blue print Muse would use for stadium sized sonic expansion thirty years later. While at the other end of the spectrum sure fire singles "My Best Friend" and "Bohemian Rhapsody" send everyone home happy with two monstrous sing along, before "God Save The Queen" brings the curtain down in the most ludicrous fashion imaginable. A triumph of pure ambition mixed with the utterly ridiculous.

Behold the greatest marriage in rock and roll history. It must have been love at first sight when the Jim Steinman first laid his eyes upon Meatloaf. The over the top composer of pop rock musical theatre epics finally found the one man who perfectly encapsulated his vision. Meatloaf was the ultimate showman, too grotesque for musical theatre, too unfashionable for pop music, but somehow Jim Steinman transformed him into one of the world's biggest superstars. Bat Out Of Hell was a the soundtrack to the broadway musical that never could never have actually existed. And in all honesty, it still baffles me how this record ever got made, I mean Springsteen meets Wagner in the middle of the Rocky Horror picture show must have been a tough sell. Well however it happened, it did get made, and thank god it did because the world was treated to one of the silliest slices of pure fun imaginable. "Bat Out Of Hell", "Two Out Three Ain't Bad", "You Took The Words Right Out My Mouth" and "Paradise By Dashboard Lights" are preposterous epics that only Meatloaf could have pulled off. It may be chronically unfashionable to say it, but snobbery to one side, Bat Out Of Hell is legitimately one of the greatest albums ever recorded, even if it's utterly impossible to explain why.